...or so she told me. One day I came home and she went into this theory that since I worked, payed the bills and took care of her that she in turn was obligated to have sex with me. She said that made her a glorified prostitute.
She has also stated that she *gave into sex* even when she didnt want to but felt she owed it to me. I remember her often being very distant and she felt distant, but i wasnt always certain why.
Lately I have come to find out that she felt the only thing i ever wanted from her or cared about was sex or what I could get from her. She said that she was just something I owned.
This floored me, considering that I can recall many times in the last 7 years that we did not have sex for 3-4 months at a time. I cant even remember the last time we had sex more than one time in a week.
I often tried to compliment her on her outfits, hair, makeup, body and looks. To most women I would think that would be seen as a compliment. Instead she saw them as sexual comments and the only thing i focused on.
Again, it was tough to hear, because I have NEVER seen her in this way. I lost my virginity to her at 18and until I was 29 (last year) and we seperateted, she was the only woman I had been with.
I am not saying I was perfect at all. I was not a great young father, though consider myself a good dad to my kids now. I did try to be a good husband, and usually felt as if i were starting at zero everyday.
Many times my wife told me that she would never love me again. I can't remember any time in the last 5 years that she had said she loved me, tried to hold my hand, instigated a hug. When i did try to hug her, her arms just dangled to her side.
My W had a tough childhood. Raped by family members and boyfriends until she was 18. She has borderline personality syndrome and also is a manic depressant.
2 years ago she almost succeeded in killing herself by overdosing on pills. She stopped breathing and was put on life support for 3 days until her lungs and reflux functions worked properly again.
She spent a week in a psych. ward. She would not, nor will even now continue or seek counseling. That day, a lot of me died, and it felt as if she betrayed me and her kids, almost as if she walked out on us.
Last year in Oct. I met a girl online. We had a lot in common from interests to the same amount of children and spouses that seemed to not care about us at all. We emailed for a while and developed strong feelings for each other.
I had never met her in person, but was unfaithful with my words of love. My W found out and i tried to play it off like we were just friends. She new i was lying and she eventually labeled it an emotional affair.
We discussed seperating and that is what we did. But, she decided to take my kids and move back to Montana from Tennessee. All this within 2 DAYS of discussing a POSSIBLE seperation.
She eventually moved back and was (stil is) very angry. She constantly tells me how I walked out on her and my kids. Throws the 2 month affair in my face as the cause of our failed 7 year marriage.
She had a boyfriend a month after we seperated. They were off and on for a while. She says they are just friends now, but calls him all the time, and actually allows him to watch my kids on Mondays while we both work.
She told me that she still loves me, but she will not give me another chance. We have been living together in the same house for the last 4 months again. When she told me I could move back in, and she unpacked all the kids things and decorated the house, i saw it as a sign of another chance.
It wasnt. Since then, she has often shown a light of hope, and just crushed me with words again.
She lectured me on touching her arm or putting my leg on her. She says she is not my wife anymore and I am not respecting her, so i dont touch her anymore...we are still legally married.
Earlier this month my best friend and bass player killed himself. All my family live out of state, so i sought W for comfort. I layed next to her at night and put my arms around her.
The next day she was flipping out telling me how i dont own her and that all i want from her is a lay. I did not even instigate sex. (she often undresses in front of me, calls me in in the bathroom when she is taking a bath, shows me her new sexy underwear she purchased etc).
2 nights ago, she needed me to take some pics. of her. Later that night, she said that when i moved her hair for the shots, i turned her on...
She said she was horny and asked if we could have *no string attached sex* and that *it wouldnt change anything between us*, just sex.
Now, i had rehearsed so many times in my mind how i was going to say no to that, because i knew it might come to that.
Unfortunately, me being a man#1, and not having sex with my wife in over a year #2, i was quick to accept.
I enjoyed being close to her again. I enjoyed the intamacy and there was some passion there. I dont regret it, because i did know the possible emotional hurt it will probably cause me.
I came across this website yesterday. This is where i am at. Trying to save my 7 year marriage and family. Trying to understand where I went wrong. Why i couldnt make her happy or why she could never see my intentions through all the things I really and truly did to take care of her and love her.
I need to know if she is really showing some hope, or just being vengeful and trying to hurt me until she feels avenged.
I do love her, know i made mistakes, and that no marriage is perfect. I want to give the advice on this site a go and see where it takes us. I am fearful of going through the hell i, my kids and her have experienced that last year. I
also fear getting fed up with the emotional hurt she has given over the last 7 years. I'm afraid that I might be comfortable with the pain, and have adapted to it. What if i need it? What if i on unconciously feel lost without it?
Anyone out there relate?
