I have a question concerning counseling for my kids. I have been divorced for over two years now. I have two D, 8 and 10 which I see every other weekend. I live in another city 150 miles away and try to give my kids as much support as possible.

My youngest seems to have never adjusted to the divorce and appears to have built up resentment and anger. This is generally towards me and to a lesser extent my ex. She is unable to communicate her feelings to me. My oldest occasionally gets sad about her situation. She is able to communicate better but she still has a difficult time. I have suggested to my ex on several occasions about getting counselling for the kids. She generally agrees that it is a good idea.

Here is the dilema. Because we live 150 miles apart, I have asked her to take the kids to counselling in their area as opposed to me taking them in my area when I have them every other weekend. I have said that I will split the costs with her and drive down whenever the kids have counseling if I need to talk to the counseler. While she agrees this would be good for the kids she has never done anything towards making this happen. I have even given her a list of counselers on the kids insurance plan and still nothing so I feel it is up to me to take them to counselling.

A concern that I have is the kids will see this as a reason not to come visit and they will build even more resentment. As I said my youngest does have alot of anger towards me. The other concern I have is that every other weekend will not be sufficient to address their issues. Has anyone else been in this situation and have any advice as to how to handle it?

ANY counselling is better than none when the children are in need of help. I suggest you take them on your weekends, since clearly your X is unwilling to organise it for herself. My oldest son went to counselling and it did wonders for his anger about the situation. Now two years after my separation, and about 9 months after my divorce, my second child is displaying behaviour which concerns me, and so she will be counselled soon. It really helps!

By the way the guy that helped my son most (I had to shop around) was one of those with the padded room set-up, where the kids are encouraged to let out that pent up anger, tearing up phone books, hitting a blow up clown, scream, rant rave, etc. This kind of built up emotion was released from my son after only a few sessions, and he is now very settled.

Love and light,

Jacky

Yes, take them when you can. It eats into your time, but consider it an investment in their future.
Did you look up Rainbows programs in your area?
www.rainbows.org
The pastor who ran our program said children deal with divorce at every age. So although you dealt with the 6 YO's feelings, her feelings may change now that she's older. It's a constant issue.
Also, there are many books to help with the feelings and anger of divorce.
Good Luck.

I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement. Well I have good news and bad news. The good news is my ex finally made an appointment to take the kids to counselling. This is a great step forward. The bad news is she totally ignored the list of providers that are covered under the kids insurance. There were at least 30 in their immediate area. Additionally, she is dead set against me attending with her and the kids but she is planning on going with them and talking to the counseller by herself.

She told me that she mentioned to my youngest daughter that I wanted to attend and my youngest threw a fit, yelling and screaming, that if I came she wasn't going. So my ex tells me I shouldn't go.

Lastly, she said that since my kids found out that my girlfriend and I have been exploring the idea of getting married that my youngest says that all I do is lie to them and that is why she is so angry at me. I reminded my ex that my youngest has been mad for a long time and this probably has just added to the problem. I did tell my kids that when I do decide to remarry that they would be the first to know and I would discuss it to them. Unfortunately, my girlfriend's daughter mentioned to my kids that we had be discussing the idea. I talked with my kids and explained that we were not engaged and that there are no plans at this time. I did tell them that before people do decide to get married there are alot of issues that need to be addressed and discussed and that is where we were. I also told them that I could see how they feel I lied to them. Lastly, I explained that when I do decide that marriage is the right thing that they would still be the first ones I talk to. Unfortunately, I think my ex is making the problem worse and this is another example of how my ex is being passive aggresive to get bck at me.