I've met this guy that Im madly in love with.<BR>We met online and chatted for a long time before meeting.<BR>At the time we met we were both married (to other people)<BR>We both connected b/c we cld relate to each other's aloneness...as well as the fact that there was this <BR>something special that clicked off between us.<P>We both left our marriages and met up.<P>We are in the process of working out what we are going to do but I have this nagging worry about his sexual <BR>orientation. He is great in bed...but he is fairly quiet<BR>and doesnt say much to me. I am worried that he may be gay and still too afraid to come out. <P>Reasons for my worries:<BR>(1) he loves talking<BR>(2) he loves shopping for clothes<BR>(3) he gets faint at the sight of blood<BR>(4) he is softly spoken and v. gentle<BR>(5) he hates spiders and crawly things... <BR>(6) he worries alot about what other people think<BR>(7) he has a feminine way about him<P>Am I being prejudiced about what it is to be a man....Am I locked into some stupid stereotype??<P>I wish I cld ask him.<BR>but if he isnt then i doubt this wld do much for his<BR>confidence

J.Baby,<P>Actually, he is a pretty normal male, except for items 2 and 7. And I have known more than a few men who were cloths horses. As for 7, that is a matter of interpretation.<P>Personally, I've known some pretty macho guys who were gay. I have also known some pretty affemininate men who were the fathers of 5 children or more, and very good fathers at that.<P>So I would say that your stereo type may be a little off. Why don't you read the posts here in the various sections. I think you will be surprised how many men post here and even more surprised that they have feelings and talk about them.<P>I don't see any show stoppers in this guy. At least not from what you said.<P>One last thing, many of us guys are afraid of many things but we have been raised to not show it and act as if things don't bother us. I think you will see on this site, that men have as many fears as women.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

How about engaging him in a conversation about sexual fantasies? My OM and I talked quite a bit on it. I admitted to sometimes finding women attractive (but I'd never done anything). He told me that he was curious about male/male, but he had never tried anything either. Learning about his open-mindedness was a HUGE turn on for me. <P>Maybe if you treat the subject like an exploration of sexual desires and not an inquisition, you might get closer to your answer.

Let me get this straight: You are madly in love with a guy who likes to talk, who enjoys going shopping with you, who is gentle and sensitive and cares about you. J.Baby, there are millions of women who FANTASIZE about having men like that! <P>Your ideal male may be different. You may want or need someone who is more traditionally masculine. I have to tell you, though, more guys are "creeped out" by spiders and crawly bugs than will dare admit it. If your guy admits it, maybe he's more confident in who he is than other guys.<P>You need to decide what you're comfortable with and maybe explore your own stereotypes, as Just Learning suggested, and then you need to be open with him about your needs and feelings. All the stuff that attracted you to him over the Net is still there, but maybe you're finding you need other things that aren't there. If you're accepting of him and his preferences, he'll probably open up to you at some point and tell you if there is anything about his sexual orientation or interests that you should know. If you're not accepting of him, he'll likely figure out you're not, even if you don't say anything to him, and he won't open up.<P>But I think the first step is in exploring your own views and needs and boundaries. Hope this helps! Good luck!