Okay, I am 14 years old, and I "cheated" on my boyfriend. It's horrible and I don't see how I could have done it, and I don't even know why I did it, and what's worse, is that his Dad did it to his Mom. I feel so horrible but he still likes me a lot, and I still like him a lot and i would give anything to stay together with him and work through this. I know it may seem a little out of line, but I truly want to grow up and marry him and have his kids, I'm not kidding beceause that's what he planned for me. Now I just want to earn his trust back and have things worked back up, I know they won't be the same as before and it will be harder, but I don't want to lose him, and if I do, I don't know what will happen to me. Please help.<P>------------------<BR>ALC

Hi, and welcome.<P>First, how about some background. How long have you and BF been together? When you say you "cheated" on him, exactly what do you mean? And finally, your BF knows about what happened, is that right? <P>Basically, no matter exactly what happened, the formula for recovering is the same...be honest, listen to each other's feelings without being rude or exploding, and make a commitment to yourself and to him to be trustworthy in the future. (BTW, my H had what is called an emotional affair...feelings but no physical contact with someone else. And, we have recovered well from it.)<P>I know that you are not kidding about wanting to grow up and marry him. One of the sweetest couples I know met at about your age, so it does happen sometimes. Other times it does not, as people have a way of growing and changing as they get older (and indeed, throughout life). But whether you two stay together or not, learning to be honest and caring with a partner, even when the partner screws up (as we all do in one way or another), is a good skill to learn.<P>Write back and let me know how you are doing. Take care.<P>Kathi

Hi there. My question is the same as Kathi's...what exactly is "cheating" to you? I also think you should be honest with your BF and tell him the truth. If he can't deal with it, let him cool off for awhile, you never know, he may come around. If he doesn't, then you should use this experience to help you in your future relationships. Good luck to you!

Alright- I didn't sleep with anyone, but I kinda did everything else. I was honest with him, I did tell him the truth, I told him everything about it, I even told him who it was. And now it's like he's leaving me hanging, I have no answers, he thinks I don't like him and thats why I did it, and that's not true, I don't even know why I did it! I just know that I still like him so much more, what I did with the person I did it with, didn't even matter to me and I know that it'll never happen in the future to him or if I'm with anyone else. If we break up, I'll be torn apart, I won't be able to concentrate in school even though I have tried blocking it all out, and I not only hurt him but I also hurt myself, and he thinks I don't care about what I did and that it was no big deal but I regret it so much and I wish I could take it back but I can't. I don't know what to do. He said he forgave me for what I did, but he doesn't know if he still wants to be together. It's so horrible, I wish it never happened. I don't know what to do.<P>

Hang in there. I'll tell you the same thing I would someone my own age in your situation...whether this relationship works out or not, you will be OK. If it ends over this incident, you will hurt but you will be OK, because you are so much more than just his girlfriend.<P>Your BF is having to deal with how this feels to him, and what he thinks it means...it may take him some time. He's probably both hurt and confused. You say you don't even know why you did it, so just imagine how much more confused he probably is. <P>Back when I was a teen, not much older than you, I had a similar experience. In my case, I was feeling a bit miffed at my BF, plus I drank a beer or two...not enough to be drunk, but enough that my judgement was a bit impaired, and I ended up going pretty far with a guy I really did not need to be with; dumb, dumb dumb!. It made me feel very confused, but thinkin thru why I had done something so stupid was enlightening. Besides being miffed at my BF over some stuff, I think I felt a bit "neglected" and the other guy made me feel gorgeous & wanted. Afterwards I realized that was a pretty poor reason, and began to think about what I was worth as a person, and how it did not relate to BF or any other guy's opinions. So, while I think it was a dumb thing for me to have done, in the end it improved my future judgement a lot. You might benefit from giving your own reasons why you did this some serious thought..understanding yourself is a great tool when it comes to understanding other people.<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi<P>PS. Small lecture ...You did not say whther you are having sex with your BF or not, but if so, please be very careful. Personally, I would advise you to wait til you are older for several reasons, but since you did not ask that question, I won't go there now, OK? Good luck...<P><BR>

Kathi-<BR>no im waiting on sex until im married, i don't think i could handle a sexual relationship now and really its made for two people that love each other and want a *baby* and thats one thing i really dont want right now. thank you soooooo much for your help and concern! <P>*ALC*<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kam6318:<BR><B>Hang in there. I'll tell you the same thing I would someone my own age in your situation...whether this relationship works out or not, you will be OK. If it ends over this incident, you will hurt but you will be OK, because you are so much more than just his girlfriend.<P>Your BF is having to deal with how this feels to him, and what he thinks it means...it may take him some time. He's probably both hurt and confused. You say you don't even know why you did it, so just imagine how much more confused he probably is. <P>Back when I was a teen, not much older than you, I had a similar experience. In my case, I was feeling a bit miffed at my BF, plus I drank a beer or two...not enough to be drunk, but enough that my judgement was a bit impaired, and I ended up going pretty far with a guy I really did not need to be with; dumb, dumb dumb!. It made me feel very confused, but thinkin thru why I had done something so stupid was enlightening. Besides being miffed at my BF over some stuff, I think I felt a bit "neglected" and the other guy made me feel gorgeous & wanted. Afterwards I realized that was a pretty poor reason, and began to think about what I was worth as a person, and how it did not relate to BF or any other guy's opinions. So, while I think it was a dumb thing for me to have done, in the end it improved my future judgement a lot. You might benefit from giving your own reasons why you did this some serious thought..understanding yourself is a great tool when it comes to understanding other people.<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi<P>PS. Small lecture ...You did not say whther you are having sex with your BF or not, but if so, please be very careful. Personally, I would advise you to wait til you are older for several reasons, but since you did not ask that question, I won't go there now, OK? Good luck...<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I'm glad to hear that. Write back anytime you need an ear, OK?<P>Kathi

Showgerl,<BR>Just a note of encouragement - Stay strong and wait until you're married. I am so glad that I waited for my husband. You will save yourself a lot of hurt by waiting. My oldest brother waited, and so did his wife, and they are both so happy that they did. You really have no idea how much it can scar someone when they treat sex in a way God didn't intend for it to be treated. I didn't realize it until I met my husband, and now I can see how much not waiting has scarred him.<P>Here's the best tip I ever got for avoiding getting into trouble. DON'T be in the situation in the first place. I would not have made it until my husband if I'd been heavily making out in private all the time, especially in a bed or similar situation. It's too tempting if you let yourself get into that situation, and you'll find yourself saying "I don't know why I did it, it just happened!" And then you're having to deal with the consequences...STD's, Pregancy, emotional and spiritual pain beyond belief. And sex usually isn't very good your first time anyway (physically). It's great after you get the hang of it. My husband says that no sex compares with the type you have with someone committed to you for the rest of their life. Why waste yourself on something that's second best? Stay strong and keep yourself out of risky situations, and you will stay on the right path.