lookingfortruth -
(I like your name - I hope when you find the truth it isn't ugly like mine <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).
Its hard to give you any specific advice because so much depends on the state in which you live, but I'll do my best to give you at least some general advice.
First, see an attorney. Find out what you need to do to protect yourself. Most likely, the fact that the house is in his name only is of little consequence. Find out if your state has a legal separation status. One thing that is true is that if your husband cuts off everything that will not bode well for him in the future. An attorney might be able to make him aware of that.
Also, it might be beneficial to see a counselor and /or consider meds. The feelings of panic and fear are natural and understandable, but most likely aren't realistic. When I knew I had to file, I had the same emotions and these things helped me.
You sound undecided about whether you really want to divorce. If you're not sure, then don't do it unless its absolutely necessary in order to protect yourself. But I bet it isn't.
This is very hard to do, but try not to think of long-term things right now, its too easy to get overwhelmed and that isn't helpful. Try to focus on short-term goals and making sure you take care of yourself financially and health-wise. Try not to catastrophize about the future. Whatever happens, you can and will survive.
Hang in there and get some legal advice.
