Hi everyone, I'm somewhat new here, but I've read a lot of your posts. Here's my problem:<BR>Almost 3 years ago my fiance had a one night stand when he was in college. He was pretty drunk at the time it happened. Since then he doesn't drink excessively and he's been wonderful to me. I love him with all my heart and I know he feels the same about me. He is the only man I've ever had sex with, and I was his only one too, until this one night stand. I know that he is very sorry about what happened and I'm sure it won't happen again, but it's just so hard to let it go. Some days I do fine, but other days I dwell on it, and just think about it a lot. It really bothers me that he's been with someone else. I hate to look at the things he had in his apartment where this happened because I think, "Oh, that stereo was there when he had sex with that girl." I hate it, it just about drives me nuts. We're getting married next year, and there's not a doubt in my mind that he's the one for me, so my question is not "should I marry him?" my question is how do I let it go??

My husband committed a sexual felony, among other things. I knew he had slept with other people before, but he lied to me about the felony and about some other things, too. He told me after we were married. I'm glad he told me, but it's hard. There is no way around it, it's a tough situation. The only thing that helps me is to talk to him about it. Not yelling or accusing him of anything, just talk, talk, talk about what you feel. Don't bury it inside, it will fester. <P>If he is upset by you bringing it up, he should remember he is the one who did the thing that causes you pain. It will cause both of you more pain in the end if you just try to ignore it. Talk to him every day if you have to, and let him know just how much it hurts. You will both be closer for it.

<small>[ July 25, 2004, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: Roscoe ]</small>

I'm sorry this is still affecting you. I just discovered my H's infidelity 2 months ago. I discovered this had been going on for nearly a year. He had this woman in my car. Every day I drive this car and I felt I couldn't take it anymore. I loved this car and it became just one more thing that brought on negative thoughts and pain. He has offered to buy me a different car. Maybe your fiance should replace the stereo and other reminders. There are many ways to overcome thoughts of this infidelity. Getting rid of reminders is one of them. Counseling has helped - we've gone together and I've gone by myself. Forums like this are beneficial. I would like to give you a specific answer on how to let it go, but I'm still looking myself.

I know how badly you hurt. My H's affair with my former best friend was almost 6 years ago. But I just found out the truth 2 months ago. It hurts more than anything I could imagine. The worst part being they were in MY BED. I can't believe he did it, but have an even harder time believing a best friend could do something SO low. Apparently our couch wasn't big enough for their exploits. I haven't slept there since. I am presently sleeping on a mattress on the floor of my sewing room which I'm redoing into a bedroom.<P>I would highly recommend counseling. Not just the usual pre-marriage variety. But real, in depth, healing the affair counseling. Yes, a one night stand to me qualifies as an affair. Maybe I'm weird? Anyway, also reading the book Torn Asunder really helped both my H and I to realize what happened and what we needed to fix it.<P>I'm glad he's not drinking too much. For my H, that wasn't an issue. He was completely sober when he left me, our marriage and home to pursue her. Who, by the way, was his best friend's wife, his employee and our neighbor. Yes, it was very messy. We were separated for 9 mos but they both swore it was 'nothing' but talking. Yeah right. They had sex in her car, her house, made out in our bed and in our office. They also held hands and walked on the beach of a state park where we live. Guess where I won't go anymore?<P>Prayer also does wonders. We go to a Christian counselor and it has saved our marriage. Good luck to you. Please do something about this NOW, don't wait. God Bless