My daughter is already looking for male attention, in Kindergarten!! Refuses to wear regular pants because "her boyfriend" won't like them, only wears the tight hip hugger flare bottom type!

What have *I* done to give her this idea? I dress in form flattering clothes, not too tight but definitely not baggy... but I didn't parade a string of men in front of her after the separation, there has been ONE man in my love life and he never comments on my clothes?? Her desire for attention from boys and her trying to kiss and hug them in class has concerned her teacher. Yes, we are huggy and lovey in her presence and with her, and she has ALWAYS been a huggy, lovey kid.

She wanted me to help her spell "I love you" to give notes to two different boys now. Says (about whichever is her current boyfriend), we are "in love" ... first it was a boy named Corey, then apparently they fell out of love because the next week she wanted me to help her with a new note for Justin. Now there has been a gift from boyfriend Justin (a bracelet like you get out of a $.25 vending machine) and she has drawn a picture of Justin giving her a flower.

This is scary. She is almost 6. I wasn't much older than that when a boy wanted to play "you-show-me-yours-I'll-show-you-mine" ...

HOLY DUKE!!!
I trust what you and Wesley are doing as far as approprite boy/girl attentio is concerned.

BUT What about Prince Humperdink and Maleficent?
What do you suppose they are like together?

What type of TV are THEY allowing your children to watch?

you know, Buttercup, I am soooo scared w/ this and SD (Sade). Her bio-mother is a slut, has dressed Sade (when 4 and 5) like a slut, bio-Mother's live-in helped break up the marriage male slut man is a womanizer, mean, controling, angry (I knew him before my H and bio-mom divorced) jerk.

I never had a prob w/ Princess Arwen (now 18) and Prince Thorin (now 17). If anyhting, Arwen is very wary. Thorin goes for the adorable, vey intelligent, short type w/ big blue eyes.

BUT, Sade????

Gosh, I am looking forward to the responses you get on this one.

I am dreasing the day.

Is your babygirl a natural leader or follower?
Sdae is the meekest of followers.
Scary

Westley's DD is 10 and he's well aware of how interested girls her age are in boys. Man, I had NO interest at all until I was 15 ... then it was just crushes ... where do girls get the idea that they need a man? What are 12 year olds doing dating??

I spend MOST of my week without Westley, my kids know I don't wait around for him to do something for me, and I don't wait by the phone. I'm stressed a lot, but usually happy and make them laugh with my sillyness.

The girl child is a Leader with a capital IMINCHARGE. She is assertive, opinionated and loud. She is also caring, shows a lot of empathy, and very very outwardly loving and snuggly and smoochy.

WE don't watch much TV here ... usually it's Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and then it's time for bed. I'm sooooo exciting!! Weekends they can watch videos, mostly the usual kids' fare. They actually see more violence than sex (Jurassic Park and Mummy Returns type stuff) and most of the sexual content they see involves dinosaurs or insects! LOL

At least Humperdinck isn't parading barhag after barhag in front of them. He claimed to be an ONS guy before me. WHY didn't I see that giant waving red flag??!

well Buttercup,
Please take this suggstion w/ a grain of salt and realizing that it is only a suggestion form one mommy to another. So, Buttercup, please, I am not lecturing, by any means, just a suggestion that worked for me and many others.

Darling sweetheart is in K, that puts her bewteen 5 and 6.
Guess what, Buttercup, you need to take control of her clothes for now. She will just have to get over it. She can pout, stomp, refuse, throw temper tantrums all she wants.

GET RID OF ALL THE BELLY BOTTOM TIGHT CLOTHES!
NO MORE SEX CLOTHES ON HER!!!

This is purely from my experience as a Mommy and as a little lost girl who was allowed to dress as a slut 35 years ago and the future reprecussions (I was labled as a slut despite the fact that a was basically a prude, all thru school)Images are lasting, the first impression IS the one that lasts, even an enternity sometimes.

My suggestion also comes from the view point of a former Behavioral Modification Teacher in a sicially depressed neighborhood elem school.

Children who dressed the part of future BrittanySpears & BackStreetBoyz wanna-be's did not do as well in classwork as others.
Children who dressed the part of future BrittanySpears & BackStreetBoyz wanna-be's did not do as well forming quality peer connections.
Children who dressed the part of future BrittanySpears & BackStreetBoyz wanna-be's did not do as well in fu5ture, adolsescent peer pressure situations.

There is a very good reason why more and more schools, public and private are going the uniform route. The kids love it, it is usually the parents that fight it.


YOU go to the store (and Wal-Mart did okay this year. and KMart sucks this year. Targets looks better but too far away for me)
YOU pick out how ever many outfits that mix and match well the you can afford.

2 pair of plain goes w/ everything jeans, Faded Glory did well this year and they are only $9ish per pair.
(I can not remember your climate)
There were also very nice, no pukeycutsy pics and covered demurley turtle necks by Hanes about $6ish each.
ETC.And NO NO NO high heeled anything!
KISS
Keep It Simple Sweeytheart.

Avoid anything that is not basic.
Not cutsey MaryKate&Ashley pics, no Barbie PIcs, no Power Puff pics on clothing.

BUT as a trade off, w/o any bellybottom clothing, have a few Friday outfits, more fun and flashy.

Maybe keep one of her fav outfits for weekend, staying around the house wearing.

You have heard the theory that a person grows into their environemt?
A person grows into the personality of their clothing.

Present the clothes w/ a smile on a friday so she can have her pouty "I WILL NOT!" beofre monday morning. Have her paractice by wearing a plain old one color Hanes sweat suitor such over the weekend.

Ask the teacher's help before you iimpliment it,if you choose this route. Ask her the commnet casually on how pleasant, nice, comfortable darling looks when she gets to school Monday A.M.

after this has settled into sweeties routine, (Anout a month or two)
then lay out a choice between some of the mix and match stuff you have bought, give the choice back to her at some extent.

Then, after a little bit of this (Another month or two) when you do take her clothes shopping w/ you. YOU pick out three , lets say shirts, w/in your guidelines, and ask her "which one of these do YOU like?"

If she has a hard time w/ pouting over inappropriate clothing, tell her that you will take her home if she would like and YOU will finish the shopping w/o her another time.

Oh yes, Socks can be funky and fun and a good compromise in a "please make a choise" situation.
If you pick out a shirt (from the ones I have shown you) you can pick out a fun pair of socks".
A back pack can be a good compromise as well.


YUP, I had to do this last year w/ Sade.
Pink fake hip-hugging bell-bottoms pants, sparlky everything, fake fur this and that, high heeled biker b*tch wanna be boots, high heeled sneakers, bellybottom this and that, sheer blouses. All this is what bio-mom was dressing her in and daddy had no idea what it was doing to Sade's selfesteem. I pushed cause daddy was more worried about what Sade's peers thought than Sade's well-being.

Sade's self esteem climbed as did her selfimage, more pride, after I threw EVERYTHING out and put my foot down.

Still, on Sunday evenings when Sade comes hiome from bio-mom's house dressed like her mother, Sade's selfimage is wierds to say the least, she strutts like a barfly, has an attitude, etc. We have taken to having her change immeditaely into "playclothes" when she gets home, and lo and behold, it's Sade again.

She will thank you one day, really.

I will ask Princess Arwen's take on my CONTROLLING clothing next time I talk w/ her.
To my knowledge and from what I remember, she is very glad. She gets annoyed w/ her peers that are so trapped in their clothing that they have no idea who they really are.

xo
H.

I know you to be a very smart person, Buttercup so I will trust you to know that these are only suggestions and certainly NOT the only way to help your darling K lady.

Okay
Another suggestion as far as the BOYFRIEND thing is concerned
This one is easier and less drastic.
I had this prob w/ Sade too.

Next time she says anything about her "boyfriend" very casually comment
"Gosh, sweetheart, it sure is nice to have friends that are boys and friends that are girls"

Explain to her that "friendships at this point in her life are practice for her furture friendships". First she "needs to learn how to be a good friend to everybody".
"There is a time and a place for everything and now in your life is not okay to have a "boyfriend"."

recondition her thinking in this area.

Also, talk to her about appropriate touch and inappriate touch between friends.

if kissing in school is an issue, than it is perfectly okay for you to swing the pendulam way far into the other direction for a month or two.
It'll swing back to a more comfortable place when the time is right.

"Honey, I am glad that you have special friends at school. From now on, there will be NO kissing your friends at school"
Period

Again, ask the teacher's help w/ this one.

W/ each, your words to her will have to be repeated on an almost daily basis until it is her thinking. It'll drive you crazy, I guarentee.

Does she has darling little girls friends?
Is it possible to have a specail one come over now and then?

In regeards to my last post about the clothes, if you can pick a little girl whom you would like for your daughter to have as a peer, it is w/in your mommy rights and power to choose the friend for a while.

I had to instill the help of one of my neighbors whom I respected and knew to be a fairly well rounded successful parent who just happened to have a child one year older than Sade.
And it was a boy, but being 41 w/ children at the age mine are, I do not know alot of people w/ kids Sade's age who I am not old enough to be thier mother.For me, w/ close play (yet stealth) supervision, I weas able to kill two birds w/ one little boy.

They moved far far away, I am sad. Now we have a dramaqueen in the making squealing, lying, manipulating neighbor girl. I can not have that type of influence in thehouse at this point in Sade's life. Sade is a follower. She WOULD at thispoint, jump off a cliff if one of her friends did. SAD SAD SAD Time to look outside the neighborhood for me.
Drat!

Do you hate me yet?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Misscallaneous and Ele are great w/ this stuff as well. They hang out in EN.

xo
H

Had the "friends" talk before ... she is in a class where boys outnumber girls 3 to 1 at least, maybe even 4 to 1. I haven't heard more about kissing since the last time, the teacher sent her and two other girls to see the principal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Oh, and she wears school uniforms so there is very little variation from the standard allowed. She hates the dress pants and will wear everything in her closet before she'll even put them on. When she freezes her butt off maybe she'll rethink the skorts in November! But she just has that one pair of 'huggers' and she has almost outgrown them... they will probably have to disappear in the wash. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think I'll have to ask her what 'boyfriend' means to her and how it's different from her girl friends. She is so into this "in love" thing and I'm not sure where it came from. I mean, she knows that Westley was my first boyfriend, but c'mon I was 16, not 6!!

Well sheesh woman,
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
You didn't need me
I am sooooo hurt and feel sooo useless
pouty pouty


disregard my last two posts then, i will not be offended that you are offended.

Okay
I am over it now.


I am sooo envious of the school uniform thing. How I wish Sade and babyLove had to do that. We are actually concidering our future-when-we-can-afford-it-move to be to a district where uniforms are a must.


Buttercup, so what is your immediate comcern w/ your darling K daughter?

Is it what your role may have been?
If that is what it is, then my best guess is you have NOT negetively impacted darling Daughter in this area.
You are and will continue to be her guiding light.

No, I am not kissing butt right now.
gosh

Doesn'y it just make you wonder how much the outside world does im=nfluence our little sponges?

xo
H

Oh Hy, never meant it like I didn't NEED your advice!! I'm just frustrated because I keep thinking I need to do more, and it seems like I have done everything I can think of.

What am I most concerned about? The fact that her teacher is concerned about the hugging and kissing. I figured it was pretty normal. But I respect this person and her influence on my children has been a strong and positive one. DD was so excited to start Kindergarten because this is the teacher who taught DS to READ and she had no other goal for the year... she wants to read sooooo bad and it is coming to her, gradually.

When DD first got upset about having to wear regular pants because her boyfriend wouldn't like them ... now THAT is when I became concerned ... why is she concerned with body image and boys liking her looks? AT FIVE!?!

I wonder if she heard Humperdink's SO say anything about being concerned what Humperdink thought.
Does his mate (if you even know) have body image issues? Does she spent too much time infront of the mirror? Does she wear gobbs of makeup? Too much Hair? Nails?

Was Humperdink the kinda guy that needed the perfect woman on his arm (of course that is why he initially targeted you, because you are perfect, but not in a way that he could possibly understand) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Does Humperdink womanize?
Make comments about a woman's appearrrance? ON TV or on the street?

I can not even begin to think that dear sweet Wesley wqould even go there, so in my mind Wesley is not a part of this negative equation.

Does Humperdink show inappropriate affection at the inappropriate times (w/ kids around or you aged aunty)?

Hmmmm....

I am thinking.


hmmm.....

To the best of my knowledge, Humperdinck has no SO, besides his mother.

She is a big short woman.

XH always went after bar sluts, the easy pickins. He didn't pursue me, I actually walked up to him and started the conversation. Why? Well, he did have very beautiful eyes, in the beginning.

He never showed affection. That was one of our big problems... he'd say I was acting like a 'horny teenager' if I tried to get any physical touch (handholding, etc.) in public. Of course I was supposed to always be willing in the bedroom, and stay home and get fat and not wear makeup so men wouldn't look at me. I wore big frumpy clothes and stared at the floor. If I wore makeup, or anything remotely flattering, he'd accuse me of having a boyfriend.

He and/or his mother used to get VERY upset if DD wore play nailpolish and would scrub it off of her when she came over to visit. Poor girl used to beg to wear it, and then PLEAD for me to remove it before she went to visit at dad's. Made me sick. She has always loved playing princess/dress-up.

Is this acting out because of not getting the attention she wants from her dad? There is still the issue of all the time he spends with our son and has never taken me up on offers to spend time with just her... it's my only lightbulb flashing on.

It could be attention seeking or it could be she see's other kids at that age liking boys/girls--

My son (8) has been interested in little girls since--well--ALMOST FOREVER!!

I still remember when he was like 4 years old--
we were leaving the beach and a little girl walked by us--He stopped dead in his tracks and watched her as she walked by--She was maybe 3 or 4
and he looked at me and said.."Wow, MOMMY, she IS PRETTY!!" My first thought..panic..then well..Okay
at LEAST he notices girls <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He was going to marry two of the little neighbor girls at one point--they had the flowers and someone to play the preacher--and he came in and asked me if I can come to his wedding-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I said.."Your wedding?? you mean your moving out??
can she cook?? where you going to live? do you have a job so you can buy food???" He stopped--looked at me..said just a minute---He ran outside-came back about 10 minutes later and said "okay, the wedding is off" ran up and hugged me told me he loved me..and he was NEVER LEAVING ME!!! I laughed and said "well, one day you will, just not today"

he has had crushes on little girls, wrote the "I love you--do you love me notes"

When my MD was in K there was a little boy in her class who was smitten with her--he was still smitten with her in 4th grade--they had a school dance and he asked her to go -She told him NO--and I made her go back and explain to this little boy--"the reason she couldn't go with him was because HER MOM SAID she was to young to date" --but I wanted her to learn that boy's have very fragile hearts--just as little girls have tender hearts that are easily broken--

So yes, it is normal..my OD who is 15 now--also had crushes in K--although she never had a bf--
but some of the other little girls did--

As long as you define what a boyfriend is at this age..it really shouldn't be a problem--like no you can't go to the movies together--but yes they can come over and play in the yard--no you can't play in the bedroom, but you can play here in the living room--

Don't let her define what a boyfriend is..You share with her what YOU think a boyfriend should be at this age--a Boy who is a friend--and yes she can think he's cute--but no she can not kiss him--

Okay if I can break up the Tom Jones wannabe lovefest.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Girls are much more impacted by divorce than boys.

And the studies I have seen suugest pre teen girls and early teen girls are hit the hardest of their gender.

Girls from broken homes are more likely to act out sexually than those from non broken homes so keep that in mind when trying to help steer her in the right direction.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't let her define what a boyfriend is.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That isn't what I meant ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... what I want to know is what SHE thinks it is, and where she got her ideas; to hopefully figure out why she says and does some of the things that seem so odd for her age.

She asked me where babies come out the other night as we were just getting to the grocery store ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

hey can a old lady suggest something?
have you ever offered your services for the day
as teachers helper...once a month?

then you can monitor the class and the kids will love it, and you get to see the books the teachers are reading and teaching your kids from
you might find some answers in the books the teachers are using..like that grade sometimes they bring in their books ....mommy where did I come from..
and some others you would not want your child to know..we got pulled off the shelf in bookstores here. and teachers were using in school and pre school..
showing a cartoon type showing mommy and daddy
and explaining..it..the reason it gets hard is it has alot of work to do?? this was 25 years ago it was in school so I can only imagine whats there now..if you take your kid to school or pick them up..go in and look at the bookshelf..they have acess to..and nose around..

take care and don;t be suprised at what you find and if you don't like what you find DO something about it..speak up..
take care and God bless..the books some are real eye openers..

oh if they were in pre school remember they spent alot of time playing house with the kitchen stuff and had a mommy daddy and baby stuff..so they played pretend..kids have great imaginations..


about messy underware..well check the kids for worms..at night..with a flashlight..well is how we did it..lol..my son woke up while I was looking and wanted to know what I was doing..he said moooommmm there in the yard..lol I said not looking for nightcrawlers..lol..pin worms..get
the meds for them..kids do get em..
oh thank God I only got a dog..but ..they can be a problem too..

enjoy em while they are young..cause they do grow up faster then we thought..hugs..to you all and lots of prayers..oh tell em...kissing someone else..boys rots teeth..it is a fact..now..lolif they have bad germs..it's been proven..rotton teeth and you end up with rotton teeth cavities..too..
EarthAngel...

No notes from teacher for a while, however when I picked her up yesterday, teacher asked me to talk to her about not saying "I love you" to another boy in class. This is the third boy now that I know of that she "loves/loved".

This is a puzzle to me. How do you explain mature love to a little girl? I tried to say that love is special, and we say we love each other, and our families (what about Westley and his DD, she says) and I say, yes, we love them too, they are just like our family... but DD, I have friends at work, and they are nice, but I do NOT say I love them. Just like you have friends, and you like to play with them, but we do not say we love them. Love is special, and it's for people we are very close to.

I don't know how else to explain it, I just think I didn't do as good a job as I need to. She is a very loving affectionate girl, she just doesn't get "boundaries".