Well earlier this month my wife had me served. It has been a long time but I did everything I could with Plan A and Plan B. I have been on this rollercoaster for almost two years now. I can't do anything more because my WS is still driving the bus and I need to get off. Well the reason I wanted to write this post is because I still live in the townhouse that the both of us bought together and lived in before she moved out. Here lately I find myself not wanting to go home to the townhouse because I feel as if it isn't home any more. I know that sounds weird but it just doesn't feel like home. However when I think about where home is, I feel like I belong no where. This has put a long emotional strain on me and now with the divorce it is putting a financial strain on me. I know in a few months I will put the townhouse on the market and sell it off. I don't feel like buying my ws out right now and the in-laws live real close to me. It isn't healthy seeing when my ws does go over there that she doesn't even give me the time of day. I guess I just feel real lost right now like I am just here and have no direction on where to go. Just when you deal with one part of all of this another part creeps up and gets you. Anybody have any words of wisdom? I just wish I knew where that place is that I can hang my hat and call home.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I find myself not wanting to go home to the townhouse because I feel as if it isn't home any more. I know that sounds weird but it just doesn't feel like home.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have had that feeling twice. This is my second marriage. After the first ended. I did even want to go into the same suburb that my house was in. Too many bad memories.

My WS has moved out of the house that we lived in for 14 years. I have mixed feelings about moving out. On one hand, there are too many memories there but on the other hand; I have accumulated so many things, funiture, paintings, tools, etc. that I would have to get rid of if I moved into a smaller place that I could afford. It's a tough call, but if I could move I probably would.

It is tough but I have to tell you.... it is the start of a new life... The memories will always be there with you where ever you go. When I sold our house and moved in to a new townhome and a new neighborhood, I was able to take a deep breath, I was able to call a new place a home, and for the first time in years I was able to sleep a peaceful sleep....

you know it don't matter where you go or live
if you stay in your old home..it also does not feel like home for awhile..

it takes time to get over being ripped apart
kicked to the curb..and left alone to lick our wounds..

I have had a really hard time, living alone, knowing before he died he would NOT be back..
that was hard in itself..

because I figured I would fight to keep the home
I have lived in in for 30 years raised my children here and 2 grandkids..so there was no way
I would of left...so I make payments on it now..

it is just now starting to feel like home again.
I really think if you men were not working..you probably would of done like me..I laid down and
wanted to die..my heart broke and the loss of
someone we put our trust in..really hurts and it takes a long time to heal..

it is now one year and a month since he passed away..it did not make it any easier..it still goes on..just makes things so we can never
reconcile or make up..but it was over..as man and wife..it was hard to accept is all..called deniel.

I am sorry your all in so much pain..but it is part of what happens..so let the tears flow, and
just get yourself a punching bag and hang it someplace and go at it..because you will implode if you don't get it out..or end up ill..from the stress..

I pray that you will all see you are going to be ok..I am 60 and now have made up my mind..I am going to get my life on track.

I never cheated on him..loved him lots..sure I use to get frustrated and angry..but you know
marriages do have the bad days and good days..

there is too much emphasis on feelings..and I think the romance of tv...is unrealistic..

What happened to simple things in relationships..
people get married to be together..isn't it sad
we end up in a relationship that went south..

we are standing here..saying..IS THAT ALL THERE IS?? what happened..where was I? We didn't have a clue till they finally figured out they could just step over the line once then again..then once they did it..they knew we didn't do anything.
from fear? or what?

I guess looking back I needed to have a back bone..
I had a dad who told me I could not come home..
in 1968 that kind of thing was not popular separating with 3 kids nor divorce..so I tried my best..like daddy said..and stick it out..

so now many years later..I was walked out on..abandoned..with no thought to my needs..
I still loved him and it hasn't changed..but he sure was not the person I married..I did not even know him any more..he was someone else..drugs and alcohol and the disease changed him so much in
3 months when he moved out..he was a cruel, person
and enjoyed watching me hurt..and cry.
oh well..I guess I Learned the hard way..
but life is NOT a dress rehersal so we need to be on our toes..and take what life gives us..and grow strong..we can grow bitter..but then it hurts us..
so after you mourn the death of your marriage and what you thought you had..
and reality sets in..you will be ok..I promise
things will get better..it takes a while..
just don't pick at the scab..to see how it is healing..let God heal your heart..and emotions.
it is ok to be angry, sad, etc..you just have to be careful how you handle those feelings..
just be kind to yourself..love yourself..
hey get a cat or dog..to pour some of the attention and affection into..I got me the best dog in the world..actually he came into my life when hubby walked out (rolled out)

if it were not for this dog..Shazri..labrador retriever..I would be dead..he use to lick my tears and comfort me..and lay his head in my lap..
once when I was contemplating taking my life he laid across me..I could NOT get him off me..he
somehow made himself unmovable..and I fell asleep and woke up..he was next to me..I thanked him

but please know it takes time..and home for you will be different..so make some changes..change things around have a sale..and replace things with other stuff even if you got to go to a consignment shop..you can sometimes swap at a consignment shop..well life does go on..but try to make a life for you before you let anyone else in it..

I plan on being alone..but who knows what God's plan is for me..I sure don't..I sure didn't expect this....Keep on Keeping on..

keep a journal..if you need to get some antidepressents..
I am off mine now..I actually want to live now..and get on with life..
God bless you all who are alone and hurting..
There is life after divorce..and it doen't mean you need another person..to make it so..so sleep and play..watch tv..now football without abandon.
just take care of you now...YOU CAN DO IT..
someone a kid told me..to get over it..
they said...Get over it..build a bridge and go over it..get over it..
at first I thought what a brat..but yeah they were right in a way..keep on is what they were saying..I read alot now..and sleep when I want..
so I am sure you will find what you enjoy..so enjoy your life alone now..

you can even get an aquarium...a bird..
get a critter..to come home to.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My goal for spring is to be in shape to be able to go kyaking in the san juans where we use to sail..I have always wanted to do that..watching others from our sailboat..I thought I would do that someday..and I WILL..

why not take a boat class from the coastguard..
and rent a sailboat..a 32 footer..get a male friend to go with you and go someplace for a couple weeks or month..isn't it one of your dreams..???

do you have a dream? did you what was it..do it..
just do it..live it.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sad eyes - you gave confused - guy good imformation. Your husband passed away, after your divorce. Which makes it a little different. But all in all, we all feel the pain, and it sucks big time. Confused - guy, I am the X of someone who posts here regularly. He is a good man, just out of touch with God, and I do have him in prayers at my church. I even brought a picture of the two of us in for my pastor. The pain to come to your home and not be a home together is painful. That is one of the things that hurts me. And my X would stay in this house without me and it wouldn't hurt him one bit. At leaast his words and actions say that. That is the reason I am getting this house ready for sale, and trying to sell things off. I don't want to come to a house that was ours. I want a home that is just mine and Gods. No memories of X and I decorating, building this house together, watching the walls go up, making love in different areas as the house was built, watching our kids play in the open spaces. I don't love this house any more. It is just a space to reside and protect all of us. Nothing more. Too many memories, and that is why I took the pictures down right away. I was given a couch by a friend and I got rid of the old broken down couch. I want to change the decor of the house, and pack things away, and make the walls look simple and plain for the realtor to put it up. That was one of the things he said to do, make it look less cluttered. So sell some of the things on the walls, and pack a lot away.

Confused - guy, you could have a sale in your home if the weather is too cold. Have a downsizing sale. I am thinking of doing that and putting it in the paper. And going through and painting the walls, and cleaning the carpet myself. Have all the draperies taken down, and put up venetian blinds or vertical blinds. Makes the rooms look bigger and brighter. I don't have any curtains on any of our windows. Also, put a few plants in the windows, I have too many, so am going to sell the big 15 foot fig tree and some other plants. Tried selling the fig tree once, but it didn't sell.

Also, if you can, do something different outside. Paint the door a different color. Put a decoration up outside that is different, or take one down. Just make the entrance different and that will give you a totally different feel when you walk in. I am not on the same path as Sad Eyes. I would sell the place, and find somewhere else to live. You want a fresh start. My X got a fresh start, he moved into his mothers house, and lived in the house by himself for over a year. Now she is in the house with him. So he was able to get a fresh start, but I haven't, and it is painful.

Part of the wayward spouse, having their secrets, lies, and deceit, and sex with the other person. Then the discover is found out, and they act so unthoughtful to the BS, scream, yell, call the BS names, walk on the BS, and more. Then, they move out, and more of the same. And they get their life together, and find themselves, cause they don't have the worry of the house, the kids, the betrayal, the lies and the deceit. And are able to move somewhere and start over. They got rid of their spouse when they had sex with the other person. And didn't have to disconnect, cause they already did. Didn't have the memories of the house, and all the hardships.

But in the long run confused - guy, you will make it. It will take time and patience. I have developed great patience, and I am thankful for that. Two years, and 1 year ago, I was still a complete mess. Not saying I am a whole lot better, but daily I am improving, and have a direction sort of. I am basically giving it to God, and praying daily for my whole family.

I will pray for you tonight, and put you in our prayer group. Keep posting here, and things will get better. Trust in HIM!

Faith he died in sept 2002
we were legally separated in april 21, 2001
so I did go one and a half year alone..

things change..
In a way I wish I kept the sailboat and lived on it..it would of been perfect for me..only I needed to sell it in order to be able to keep the house payments up..

but I think if son had kept out of our lives..we would have at least been together again..not capable of living together..because of the abuse..physical and verbal...

Faith who is your husband what does he..post under what nick?

well to the person who posted this..just keep on keeping on..no matter what happened it is not fun to be alone..I had two obstacles one where he left and other where he died.....

don't know what Faith is talking about, feelings are feelings..I WAS married 40 years..so I did hurt big time..especially when I did everything my whole married life to accomadate him..meet his needs make him happy..took up sailing with him so he would not have to stay home and look at 4 walls..that is when he left me..when I could not take him out on the boat any more..it was too taxing on me..physically..but I am not complaining about that..I did it as long as I could and we both enjoyed it..all summer since 89 started with a power boat..and switched to a new sailboat in 93..so maybe think of living on a boat..is not as expensive as a house..grin..
take care...

Faith if your place was that bad a shape you should of left it for him to deal with..you would of still got half..

I was not about to leave..my home..this is my home
and I have made it so...I have memories with my kids..but my home is on a lake and I look out at mountains..is choice property I would be nuts to sell it now..soon it will go up in value..especially where I am..
take care..right now it is worth..Two hundred seventy five thousand..so I am not leaving..I don't owe much on it..can't think of any where else i would want to go..God helped me find this land..and I feel anchored here for awhile till HE shows me other wise..I am not hurting for money..so I guess that is a big..part of it..God has kept His promise to me..

hubby was the promise breaker..I was faithful..
it was hard for 2 years..going through the abandonment..and separation..and then the legal separation..final..with clause in it..neither of us would change it to divorce..and no remarriage for either of us..

I need to get off these marriage boards..before I end up depressed again..
I wish you all well..God bless.be safe find happines..for yourself.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
you need to think happy positive thoughts... and realize you create your own happiness..you can choose to be miserable forever or else you can be happy by finding things to do you enjoy..and to take your mind off the problems..help others. go to nursing homes see how bad others have it..

I feel blessed knowing I don't have to worry about my finances, and I got things straightened out back to how they should be, so I can live a good life..without having to move..it was always
my desire to continue to keep my home..it is after all the family home.

there really aren't too many bad memories here..it was before this place and after..he left that things changed..

he came home for awhile to only have to leave again because he needed surgery...and then..his brother and son stepped in..to gain control of everything..and convince him I was doing him wrong..which was NOT true..that is why there was no divorce..there would of been a trial if he wanted one..and he didn't want to go to trial..lol..cause all would of come out about the drugs..dealing etc..and all the stuff and son would also of been exposed..I was at the point I felt like I was fighting satan hiumself..to keep my home..
and guess what...I won..God fought for me..and I won..the battle the battle was the Lords.
hopefully he was right with God before he died..cause son kept us away..he bought a new home they took him home to die..he had never been there before..wrote new will..I still have not dealt with all that yet..lol..but it is coming..soon..lawyers will do that..I won't do a thing..it's up to the other two kids to go after their brother..for what is suppose to be their share.

make sure you have...GOOD WILLS MADE out..and file them..and durable power of attourneys and on file with the court..and leave copies with lawyers..and don't change them ....

EarthAngel