Hi all,

my siuation is in the previous threat:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=010101

Today after talking to my wife and tried to get her to go the MC together with me and the only thing she would agree to is that after the separation she will go to counsenling with the emphasis on how to get along better for the kids but not on the marriage. I feel like the marriage is over and that there is no more hope left for us. It had been a long year. Please give me some reason to hope.

Oh James, another hug
{{{{{{{James}}}}}}

I don't know what to say at this moment, But I will be thinking.

Hang in there.
xo
H.

Hopefully the MC will shed some light on things for her that will open doors for you.

jamesp,

You are were I was almost four years ago, 3 years and nine months ago. I was so broken and wanted someone, anyone to give me hope. I wanted to hear about restored marriages, not ones were the left spouse just got over the divorce and started a new life. Most of all I thought for sure the pain was going to kill me. How could anyone live and have this much pain?

I was not a Christian when my husband left. Thank God He put a church in my life that had several restored marriages. Most restored after divorce. SO I started to see hope, but I still needed more. I had to hear from God. I wasn't sure what God was saying, I just knew that most people in my life, even Christians, were telling me to move on with my life, to forget about my husband that God had someone else for me. None of this made me feel any better. I was so hurt and confused so I cried out to God. I ask Him to show me his will for my marriage. I ask Him to teach me how to be a good wife.

I did a search on the book Tough Love and found this site. I had so much hope as I read all the stuff here. I printed most of it to study offline. I was so excited and started to apply the principles. Still, no change, my husband didn't want anything to do with any of the materials. He would not go to counseling either. Just like your wife he agreed to some group counseling just so we would learn how to get along in front of the children.

I was devastated. Nothing work. I kept praying and crying out to God and keep reading post here. Then someone recommend a web site to someone else. I didn't go there at first but, it kept coming to mind. I came back and search the post until I found the web site. I went there and found the hope I was looking for. When I got there I knew God had sent me there.

My pre-trail hearing was just days away and I posted a prayer request to stop the divorce. I read all I could there and ordered the book. I kept praying and through prayer, God told me not to go to the pretrial. He even confirmed it for me. My attorney had a fit. She said the judge would be upset but I just let it go and stood firm. I get home the next afternoon and my attorney had left a message. She told me that my husband didn't show up for pre-trail either and his attorney said he didn't seem interested in the divorce right then. The judge pasted on the motion which meant if no action in a year, it would go off the books. Words cannot explain how I felt after that message. I fell to my knees and praised God. I had never felt so loved in all my life as I did at that moment.

I let my attorney go a few weeks later after God showed me this is what he wanted me to do. You have to remember I was a new Christian and all of this was new to me. I had never had prayers answered like this before. I didn't ask my husband why he didn't show up that day. I knew he would give some reason, but I knew who was behind it all.

This was jut the beginning of the journey God has lead me on toward a restored marriage. My husband still told me he was never coming home. he told others the divorce would happen. The year came and went and the motion for dissolution expired. God had a lot of work to do in me. There was a lot of hurt that had to be healed on both sides, forgiveness had to take place and relationships had to be healed. My relationship with my in-laws has been healed and many others. My relationship with my husband has been healed also. It took time and God's hand.

A lot has happen these past years. God has brought me through it all as only His grace can. Things just keep getting better. My husband has went from saying he was never coming home to saying I don't know why I can't make a decision. He has went form not wanting to spend item as a family to staying with us all the time. The last several months he has been here more than not been here. We go to church together and do many things together. He acts as if we are a family and he even calls me his wife when talking to others. He refers to us as a couple. The last 3 Thanksgivings we have spent apart. But this Thanksgiving we will all be together that his parents home.

I could write a book on the things that God has done. I have only given you a small part of the story so you might find the hope you are looking so desperately for. I will not say it has been an easy road, looking back on the past almost four years, I am surprised I have made it through. Only by the grace of God have I persevered. My relationship with my husband now is better than it ever has been. My journey is not over and won't be until the day I breath my last. God is with me and that is what matters most.

You will find you hope in God alone. Only He can give you the answers you seek, no one else. He can speak through others, but back everything up with prayer and ask God to confirm things for you. I can do no more than help guide you down this path with the
testimonies God has given me. Know His word so you can learn His principles and His promises. I had to have help to do this, God sent me to this web site www.restorem.org
to teach me and to give me a hope.

If this is the kind of hope you wanted then go there and let God speak to you. I am not promising you an easy path nor a quick answer. It takes time and your faith must be built through this trail. God is the only one that can tell you want to do. He is the only one that can give you promises. Seek Him and you will find your hope.

gentle

Gentle,

WOW!!! that's all I can say about your story it really does give me reason to hope. I've gone to restorem.org and logged my prayers. Thank you for responding with a wonderful story.
How did god confirm to you to not going to pre-trail? I was borned Catholic and have gone to church on occasions but not all the time. I would love to hear more about your story. I will do more rading from the restoreem.org

Thank you for sharing your story with me, it does give me a reason to hope. Please pray for me and my marriage as I will pray for yours

James

James,

Thanks for your prayers. Prayer is powerful.

I was brought up in the church also. But I was taught about the laws and not about the love of Jesus. I was very angry and God for a long time. He used my bad marriage to draw me near Him. He is more interested in our relationship with Him than anything else.

How did God confirm that I was not to go to pretrial? Well, after finding the restore site and reading I got down on my knees and prayed. I ask God to please spare me the pain of having to be in court again and seeing my husband there wanting a divorce. During prayer my spirit kept getting this over powering sense that I should just not go to the pretrial.

My Mom came over later as she did a lot during this time because I was in such pain. I told her about my prayer. I told her I had ask God to confirm for me that He didn't want me to go to court. Well, about 10 minutes later the phone rang and it was my husband calling from where he was then staying. He was over 2 hours away and we were to be in court at 8:00 am. and it was late. After he talked to the girls, I said to my Mom, there is no way he would be driving in the morning. She said well I believe God just answered you. Then I was sure I wasn't to go. After this I felt a great peace come over me.

Answer to prayers can be very personnel sometimes. Learn to listen to God. It takes time. It takes prayer and time with Him.

I am glad you have hope. Hang on because the road to restoration is not the easy road.
I will be praying for you also.

There is a marriage restoration prayer thread under the Prayer Request forum. This would also be a good place to get support.

gentle

<small>[ October 29, 2003, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Gentle,

Thank you for your reply, I had just did a prayer now right in the middle of my office lol. I'm not sure how to listen to God? I guess either my faith is not as strong or that I just don't know when God is talking to me....I'm so confused.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jamesp:
<strong> I'm not sure how to listen to God? I guess either my faith is not as strong or that I just don't know when God is talking to me....I'm so confused. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">James,

Gentle is a sweet, gentle spirited christian lady, isn't she! I draw much inspiration from her......even reading her posts always makes me feel "gentle" - as tho someone has held me and rocked me to into a "gentle", soothing nap! I sense that she has truly become the "Love of Christ" in her own spirit.

Her advice to you is all good. Mostly, you do need to pray. As Gentle said, and true for me too, the first thing I did was admit to God, threw myself on my face, really, and repented of my sinful ways, my disobedience as a Godly wife, which I wasn't very good at! Secondly, I prayed and asked God what to do, and was basically led here, as well as to the site Gentle mentioned.....

That confirmed to me that God wanted to restore my M, and wanted me to "stand" for my M. This is where you are.......it's time to understand what God's will is for you. I can't tell you for sure that I know He wants you to stand, or that He's going to restore it. That is something only YOU can hear from God. But you will never know that or what you are required to do right now if you don't ask Him. SEEK HIM!

First of all, your relationship w/your W is not the end-all and be-all of your existence. I sometimes think we get caught up in the whole, "I want my spouse back" thing, and we forget that God has a higher purpose.....and that is to bring us closer to Him, whatever it takes to do that.

Second point regarding this is that OUR relationship with HIM is upmost in His priority for our lives, and if taking our mate away, [i]because it was detrimental to making that relationship (ours and God's) grow, He WILL separate us out to the "wilderness" until we grow spiritually into Him.

God requires us to grow up in Him, and right now, THAT is your most important job. "Fix" what ever is wrong with James. Your W, and her disobedience is God's job.....James, it's ALL in HIS PLAN!!! Remember, He NEVER brings us any "gift" that isn't to Glorify Him and edify us!

God Bless,

Gentle, I have to say your message warmed my heart. I am not sure on my stance on God, but I feel like praying and asking Him to make himself known to me and see what comes of it. I've been going to church with H's grandparents since he left, and I'm finding myself drawing closer to Him as a result.

I do not want a divorce, and prayers are all I have since my H is not speaking to me at the moment.

Thank you for telling your story, for it has given me hope.

Aeryn,

I am so glad my post touched you. Believe me that is God reaching out to you. There was a time when my husband wouldn't speak to me either. He was so mad at me that he would drop the girls off and just set their things inside the door.

It is amazing how God works in our life's. I am still in awe of the way He answers prayers. I know I can't go back in time, and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without all the mistakes and experiences of my past, but it would have been nice to have always had God in my life as I do now. I know my life would have been much different. What He has done for me and how He has changed me is my testimony and I am grateful.

Family and friends have finally stopped telling me to give up and just go on with my life and find someone else. They see first hand what God has done in my life and marriage.
What God has done for me He will do for you, He is not a respecter of people.

Keep drawing closer to Him, and please learn to trust Him with and for EVERYTHING.
He is your provider and he wants you to turn to Him first for all things. Go to the web site I mentioned and read the testimonies and just see how God provides. Keep praying.

God used my husband's leaving to draw be to Him. I was so hurt that I had to turn to God, nothing else worked. Sometimes, God allows us to separate from those we love so that we will draw closer to Him. He will use this time to change you and build your relationship with Him. That is what he did to me, then he slowly brought me and my husband back together.

gentle

<small>[ October 31, 2003, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Lupolady,

Thanks for your kind words. You also encourage me. I do keep up with your post.


Jamesp, Aeryn,

Lupolady is a wise lady. Everything she said is truth and is Godly advise to follow. She also post on the prayer request marriage restoration thread that I mentioned. I would suggest you both go there also.

gentle

Gentle,

Thank you for opening my eyes and mind to God. This morning while everyone were still asleep, I came down to the family room for some quite time alone. I thought of you, then God, I prayed to him to give me a good day and ask him to help me control my emotions. All of sudden, I feel this calm in me and it is amazing. I don't know if this is the way God is working in me. I'm not sure how today is going to turn out, but I have much confident that it will be a good day.

jamesp:

It is good that you are talking to God! He alone is your source of strength and wisdom to carry you through this.

Prayer is a great way to talk TO God. But God talks to us through HIS WORD. If you have a Bible, I highly recommend you begin reading His Word. It is the only way you can gain the wisdom (along with a whole host of other stuff! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )you will need to get through this difficult trial.

We will all be here to help you.

God Bless you my brother........you are on the right track!

lupolady,

Thank you for the kind advice, I'll be picking up a bibble today. As I expected, the day went well nothing major happend. She told me lastnight that she is still thinking about reconciliation, that's good I guess since the door is not really shut just yet. She did say that she is not comfortable with hugs and kisses unless she desire to do so. I told her that would be fine and that I will respect her wishes. She did give me a hug before we gone to bed. I guess it was a good day.

jamesp
It'll be baby steps every day, sometimes forward sometimes back. You can't control what W does you can only make yourself better and figure out what you did to contribute to this situation. I relate to your statement about the reconcilliation door still being open "just yet". These are hard times and you have to look deep inside to figure out what you want even if she decides to come back. I can't answer that one yet. Oh and by the way the whole rest of your life is going on right now too, but take as much time as you can for yourself and your heart.

Some good places to start in the Bible are the Psalms. They deal with all human emotions and can show you how God will take care of you under ALL circumstances. Next I read some Proverbs, practical applications for living, Philipians/Corinthians - good love stuff, and Samuel/Chronicles which talks about how David was forgiven for his sins but was still punished.

Good luck and pray.

I was really needing some advice here and even though this is an older forum, I read what I needed. How is everyone here doing now?

I am having one of my down days, where H has said some things and I am going to confront him this evening and let him know that I am intent on making our marriage work.

I feel that he is hurt and is intentially trying, and doing a good job of it, to hurt me.

Can someone tell me how a good person can just want to up and leave his family who loves him so much?!?!

Where does it say marriage is forever happy and once your down you have the right to give up and throw everything that you worked for away.

I asked God to heal my marriage, it is in his hands now, I will sit back and wait, while trying to show my husband kindness and love. It is hard to not worry which God wants us to. He says to trust in him. I do, but there are days like today, where I just wish my husband could see clearly.

I can't wait to write my restoration story and hope to read yours soon. Please pray for me.

Hi nvrgvup,

I'm sorry that you have to be here, but now that you are, read all you can and post any questions you might have. There are many wise people here on this site. As for my situation, it has been a emotional ride from hell. As far as I know right now she has asked her lawyer to file for a divorce a couple of weeks back. Yesterday she asked me for a hug and reading "the 5 language of love" so I'm not sure where we are. I can only hope and pray that she will turn around before it is too late. My main concern rigth now is my children (D 4 S1) I will have to love them the best I could and be there for them when they need me. Keep praying it really does help and God is working (as Gentle would say <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) I will be praying for you.

Jamesp