I left my wife last week after 2 yrs of M. For many reasons I believe it is best for both of us (we are not happy; we have different interests). People, including W, have suggested counseling. However, W never wanted to in the past until now. I believe there are so many differences between us I don't see how we could ever be truly happy. I just don't want to feel like I gave up. I don't believe I am "in love" with her anymore but I do care for her feelings. How do you know if counseling can help or not???

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read all you can on this site Get the book his needs her needs and the work book 5 steps to love 2 years is not a long time. You had the same intrest when you meet. How much time did you spend together a week? was it 15 hours. or less? Do you meet each others EN?! Marriage does not come with a set of instuctions If you feel like you might have given up to early then you have. post more details about situation

good look

Thanks for your response. I have been reading on the site and learning a ton. I have learned most of my EN's our not being met. We spend alot of time together but it is not quality time (i.e. watching TV in separate rooms). I have been seeing signs over time that this is not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have different values, sense of humor, spending habits, etc. We do not communicate. I will try to express my feelings but it gets thrown back at me (you do it too!) She does not want to socialize and gives me grief if I want to (so I won't). Her insecurities and annoying habits have made my life exhausting. She is not happy and is often tired and not feeling well. We really are not intimate physically or emotionally. I don't believe we are really attracted to one another; we just provide security and comfort. I really feel like we are more like good friends and roommates. I feel like it is best for both of us if we move ahead separately with our lives. To be compatible I think we would have to change who we are and is that fair and possible? When do you know it is past the point of reconciliation?

wisdomseeker, yes, you are wise. Yes you two are different! We were created different, you are genetically different, you two are so different, in every aspect of different. People need to appreciate each others differences.

As for "in love," one day one may feel this "in love." Other days one may feel love, where as other days one may even feel "hate." Love fluctuates just as our weather!

counseling can help. if both are with open minds, and are going for the same reason, to strengthen your exisiting differences, and strengthen the relationship.

In my opinion, the first mistake made, is when one allows the thoughts of divorce. Divorce is negative, therefore we will be sending our own little negative messages, w/o even realizing this. Can divorce be a positive, under some circumstances, yes.

Its to easy to start loving your existing partner,,,

I only share my opinions here,

Standing in Michigan! with the "open heart policy."

Wisdomseeker:
Your W wants couselling- you haven't said if you'd want that now or not.
You wanted it in the past, and she hasn't-- are you justified in withholding your consent this time 'round?

Your decision to move out: was that unilaterally decided on by yourself? Was there a special set of circumstances that led up to this? Who have you confided in through all this...hopefully you haven't developed a close emotional bond with another woman by confiding in her-- I'm only asking, you haven't told us much in your post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is not happy and is often tired and not feeling well. We really are not intimate physically or emotionally </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">?? How does the tension in the house affect you, and what is her perception?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I believe there are so many differences between us I don't see how we could ever be truly happy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you decide to agree to couselling, you should keep an open mind
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just don't want to feel like I gave up </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Look, if you want to make it work, try counselling. Don't go there expecting your reasons for leaving to be validated. Give it your best shot, and who knows, you may be surprised.

I say go for it.
muzohead