How true that is - all of it depends upon both of us.

Veronique - when I say too late - I mean too late for me to try and meet EN's since she has filed for divorce and has moved out seeing OM almost every night. I do Believe that Jesus will restore this marriage in His time. That I do not doubt some of the times.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You have courage on wanting to make things work. That is where your heart is really shown. Love is not dead it is just not being exercised as much as it should. Remember that it is a choice and you have to choose to do it 100% of the time. I failed in doing this. I was like your husband in that I did drink after not drinking for many years - mine to hide physical pain - which in the end became the excuse. I wanted to lose myself.

I believe that is what men do best - lose themselves. We lose ourselves by going goo goo gaa gaa over a woman and then feel she is all we need. We get it and then find out there were thorns and bristles that heart when touched. We find that it takes a lot of work - the real gem of a husband is the one who is willing to follow through and meet that committment even through PMS. The weeker one loses himself in something: work, sports, friends, home repair, tools, moves, computers, and other relationships. We give a little to the W every now and then to make her happy and have sex whenever we can finagle it but we go back to losing ourselves. It is called a cave or a place without mirrors. StupidLand - it is always entertaining and can always be done alone when nobody wants to be there.

My regrets is that my love was always there but I could and would not at times come out of that existence in life. Often because I got hurt by words or actions - my wife refused to let me see her naked - the lights had to be off - sometimes she would only take of that which was necessary. She would nag me on things that she felt that I should have seen or known. And her PMS - oh my oh my -- I can not tell you how hard that got. I had to leave the house once because she had gotten out a pan and was eying me with it - I have been scared of her for a long time of which she cannot believe. My regret - should have stayed and paid whatever price it was to show my love. It was a choice - now that I see that - I grieve because I do not get the chance to show it. Your man will respond and he will make you very excited when he does but be careful -- the longer the fish has rested at the bottom of the brook - the longer it takes for him to come up and really take that loving bite that changes his world.

I have prayed for you. May you be Blessed.

Only every waking moment. I had no choice about the divorce, since my H divorced me, but I regret ever confronting him about his strange behavior/unusual absences. It was very stressful living with him while he was in the midst of his affair, but it has been far worse since he moved out, almost 5 years ago. It has destroyed my life and destroyed my 6 children's faith in human nature. Since that time, I have completed another masters degree and started a new career that I enjoy - but I would give my right arm to turn back time. If I had it to do over again, I would not have confronted him.

I would like to think that he did not expect that the OW would end up allowing him to spend hardly any time with his children. I would like to think that he did not expect to end up virtually totally financially dependent on her, and working at a low paying job that by his own admission he does not like. I would like to think that he did not originally plan on having his kids grow up living just above the poverty level.

tossedwave--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think I have no regrets cause I did not leave in haste. I thought it through and made sure that God was with me in the decision I made. I prayed often that God would show me if the A was a catalyst to change a difficult M or was it my open door to leave. I discovered, unfortunately, my open door.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I stopped reading when I read this. It really caught my attention and made me think a bit.

Was the A a catalyst to change a difficult M? I would say that in each case without even reading your story that the answer would be yes. God was calling each of you to work on this marriage.

But.....as many can say, it takes two to make this work. God called, one answered and the other ran and refused to listen.

But because God knows and understand the pain and anguish that betrayed spouses experience He gave us that out when the other partner was not willing.

In my case I did not want a divorce. My poor wife was simply waiting for me to get so fed up with her that I would go ahead and file. In the end it was her who filed and and have not yet reached that stage where I feel better, but it is coming. I can see light on the horizion.

I know.....just rambling. Just my thoughts on why A's happen sometimes.