I just found out last week that my husband of 12 years is having an affair with a coworker. They've been having an affair for 9 months.He says he doesn't love her but that he thought he did, and he loves me still. He also told her from the beginning that if their affair were discovered by me that he would go back to me. The problem is he works very closely with her at work and that he can't leave his job because it means too much to him and she would hurt. She has offered to leave but I don't think it would work because there would be too many questions and I don't want my husband to "lose face" in the line of work he is in. He says he always told her they would always be friends and he doesn't want to go back on that because she has no one else. I can't understand why he can't look for a job somewhere else and he doesn't understand my need for him to stay away from her. He says he doesn't love her and realizes he never did but he still wants to be her friend. He can't have it both ways can he? I don't think he will ever get over her if he sees her everyday at work and I will never trust him; though he swears he will never go back to her and wants to go to marriage counseling. He already goes to counseling by himself for issues from his childhood and his counselor knows about the affair. Can I believe him when he says he won't go back to her? I couldn't bear it if he did and would rather end the marriage now even though our three children would be hurt.

Hi there hurtinfl, I'm going through just about exactly the same as you right now...so I can't give you any constructive advice, as I'm waiting on a miracle answer myself, but I can offer you a big hug!!! I'm sorry hun, that's not going to fix it..but I'm sick of crying..my eyes are all puffy and swollen everyday...so I know how you feel!<P>It's not fair!