I am new to this board. Used to post on JFO, PlanA/PlanB and GQII. H and I have been separated almost 9 months now. H talked about D about 3 times soon after he left but never did anything up until about 3 weeks ago. He served me D papers 2 weeks ago at work.

I’ve been standing for my marriage this whole time and still standing now as best as I can. H is still with OW. I wish there was a way I could just separate them but I know that it’s gonna come naturally anyways. (just don’t know when) I haven’t done anything with the papers served and still not sure as to what I’ll do. I’ve prayed much about it and I know God will guide me in the right direction. I pray for my H’s heart to be softened and for him to come out of his fog. I know that D is not the end of all but I still don’t want it. Here in California, it takes 6 months for it to be final so I’ve still got that much time. To top it off, if the D does go thru without any interruption, it will be final at about a month before our 6 year anniversary. Such a sad time.

So, are there any other STANDERS on this board? If so, how are we all doing?

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

Hey Hopefull! I basically went through the same situation as you are going through. My ex denied having relationship with OM. While we were seperated she went out with him, sat with him at our childrens ball games and even had him over at our house. When confronted about this she would say "we are just friends". Well now that everything is final they are seeing each other pretty heavy. She is even dragging my children over to his house, taking them out with him and he comes to all childrens activities with her even though I am present. I too wish I could seperate them but am patiently waiting on Gods guidiance. I have even asked out a female friend just to have interaction with someone else( her XH had an affair on her too). We share some common interist coming from a betrayed spouse background. Most people I know that come from this background are very bitter and hatefull towards their spouse. I must confess, I have had some hard feelings toward my XW too, Usually after we have had a conflict over something. But the feelings I have for her shine through again and I look into my childrens eyes and see the pain that all of this has caused and I long to have our family back together but I realize if it is going to happen it will happen in Gods time. Not mine. So I pray every day often for her and my children and ask God what his will and direction is for my life. Oh another thing, She was very faithfull in church before all this and has not been since we seperated. You can probably imagine why and you would be correct. I am not judging her but I call them like I see them. Well God bless and keep Praying.

My stbxw left in Feb. with her first two children, and w/o our children. She filed for divorce in March, and served me with an bogus PPO. Came back eventually with an ex-parte order, granting her custody.

In June, we had our consilliator appointment,
We have two children together, i now have custody.
W was hating me for months, saying I took her children away from her. For the first two months, i'd offer stbxw extra days, week-ends for with children. She would have an excuse every time, as to why she couldn't.


Our son is 3, and our daughter is 5. About three years ago, daughter was diagnosed with an brain tumor, larger than a golf ball in her brain stem area. She is my miracle child, thank you God.

Two months ago i asked her about her involvement with the OM, she denies. Yet she stated she almost served a PPO against him, because he was a wacko, and a drunk.
This OM, for months ran around telling all that he loved (my wife.)
stbxw also stated the only involvement was she would dogsit for him, so he and his daughter could go away for the week-ends.

We have now attended two MC sessions!????


I'm still STANDING in Michigan.

I'm still standing in Kansas. W abandoned me 7 months ago - had no contact at all from her for over 5 months until she had me served with D papers - my attorney is filing for a legal separation which will require court-ordered counseling - TIME IS ON MY SIDE.

Gives us more time to pray and work toward changing myself. I love her with all my heart and I'm gonna prove it to her!

John 16:33

I'm glad to hear that there are standers over on this side. I was kind of afraid to move on over here because I thought people might try to encourage me to just move on and I might read stories of how it is just much better to divorce.

Perhaps we should start a thread for all the standers here that way we can support each other (sort of like the one they started for the Plan B'ers). I liked that one but never really got too involved there.

I'll be praying for all the Standers out there. God give us all STRENGTH!!

H98

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 05:11 PM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

Amen to that and keep plugging! With the Lord's help, of course. A new thread would be great. If you set it up I'll be posting on it constantly.

John 16:33.

I stood for 3 years before I divorced.

She left and was living/working with om (still is). She called very sporadically to talk with the kids (girls 8 & 13 when she left).

To me, there was nothing left to "stand" for.

I'm new on this board also. Actually, pretty new to the whole forum. I've been posting on Infidelity/recovery and have gotten great advice there.
I consider myself a stander. My H left in January and lived with OW for 5 months, moved back home but continued the A for another 3 months before I moved out 2 months ago. Too much tension and confrontation from him and my son was getting frightened.
However, H started paperwork twice during this time and cancelled it both times. I feel that was in answer to prayer both times. Now, I'm waiting, but I need to see some repentance on his part because without it, I feel he'll slip back into all of the old patterns.
All along, I've felt that D wasn't an option and God has led me to WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. So if that's standing, then I'm a stander!
Have patience, keep doing what is right in God's eyes, and draw closer to Him.

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:11 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

LoveMyEx,
Thank you for the uplifting and encouraging response. I will check out the sites you recommended. God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him, not my circumstances, and to remember where the battle is being fought and Who the victor is!!
Thanks and God Bless

Standing.......

I guess since my wife filed for divorce and it was final on September 4th I might not be classifed as a STANDER, but.....I am standing for reconciling if at all possible.

But....God's got some work cut out to break a heart of stone. I know that He can do it if my wife would ever listen to Him but for now it's sort of like the Hoover Dam! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So...in the meantime I work on me. Figure out who I am as a single person. I try to be the best Daddy that I can be when I have the children and make sure that I write, call, send cards as often as I can.

But the funny thing is today she had a disipline problem with our DS, she calls me to talk to our son about his attitude. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> His attitude is directly related to her divorce, how can I fix that.

But you all keep standing! God is still in the miracle working business and can save and salvage even the worst of marriages.

<small>[ November 10, 2003, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Her ]</small>

Holding the "Fort" here hopeful98

As you know neither of us has filed yet. But there is a thing about standing and accepting.

If my H served me today I would sign, not because I want but because of acceptance.

I have to accept that as Gods will, even though I know he doesn't like D. If he does in my case, there would be a reason.

That I'm still not prepare to comprehend it? YES!

But who told me that I have to understand all that happens in my life?

Ok ok small craziness here...

STANDING AND HOLDING!

Still Standing.... but getting weak in the knees after 9 months.

Hi All,

Glad to see other Standers here.

Hurtingpromisekeeper I've started the new thread. It's "STANDERS Support Group Thread - Come Join Us". Hope to see you there.

Chris I'm really sorry for your situation. Your wife will regret her decision one day. In my life, there doesn't seem to be anything to "stand" for either but I am trusting God and am standing for what "can" be.

Sanguine glad to hear you are a standing. Yes, God does want to you WAIT for his perfect timing. He will reward your for you time and patience. Let's keep standing and hold on tight to the Lord's hand.

LoveMyEx Yes, I am and WILL hang on. Thanks!

Trusting Her Even though your wife has already divorced you, I think you are definitely still considered a "Stander" if you are still praying and holding on to God, knowing that he CAN restore your marriage and bring your wife back. You're doing good in working on yourself but keep praying for your ex. God is definitely still in the miracle working business and can save and salvage even the worst of marriages...and that means even yours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Matilde Hang on my friend. Even if your H does file, that doesn't mean it's God will for you marriage. Don't forget that the divorce is part of the Devil's plan, not God's. Pray about it and get close to God and you will find out what he wants from you and for you to do of your life. Trust Him Mati. Don't give up.

Firebird I've been standing for my marriage for almost 9 months as well. My knees have gotten weak as well but am still standing as best as I can. H served me 3 weeks ago and I did not allow that to bring me down. God has a plan for my life and I will stand for my marriage until God shows me to do otherwise. Hang on Firebird. I'll be praying for you.

Let's move on over to the other Thread I've started. We can share and support each other there. It's called.....
STANDERS Support Thread - Come Join Us

Hope to see you all there. Thanks.

H98

<small>[ November 11, 2003, 12:08 AM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>