That's ok StartinOver if the flames start. People have their opinions and it's a matter between God and myself.

God knows how sincere I was about trying to fix things. God knows I wasn't prowling about looking for anything other then friendships. God knows I don't want to do anything that would bring dishonor to M or in his name.

Lyxa makes a lot of great points.

I didn't wait at all. I was extremely vulnerable when I left my ex. I had a male companion immediately. Really hurt him when I realized it was just a rebound. Felt real. Wasn't.

I had been separated 5 months when I looked up Westley. Didn't expect that to be anything more than "how have you been, whatcha been up to?" I literally didn't know if he was dead or alive, moved far away, married, etc.

I like the idea of waiting until the divorce is final, or at least a year after separation (since divorces take a varying length of time), whichever is greater. Double that if there was abuse. I just didn't follow my own advice. Dating too soon can make for a very rocky dating relationship and an even more volatile divorce, which isn't good for anyone.

I didn't date until my divorce was complete. Then I started way to soon. Not mentally ready. I would say there isn't a 90 day waiting period. You have to look at yourself and evaluate if you are ready. If you are not ready the other person might be. In the end you may really hurt someone. I speak from experience. Look inside yourself and give it a lot of thought. You may end up holding someones heart in your hands and those things are very fragile.

On a positive note almost a year since being final and two since separation I have met someone and things are going well. I've gotten postive feedback on this board so I know there is hope.

This might help.
Ask god for guidence.
Things are never as good as they appear.
Thangs are never as bad as they appear.
When thing are troubling you ask god for his help and he will comfort you.

Peace

Lyxa- Very good points to ponder.
I can see how a WS would try to place the blame on the BS for any relationship during separation or soon after the D.

No Kids, not sure on the psycho stbxw and locking myself in a library surely would be craziness in and of itself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">take a good hard look at your conscience, your morals, your integrity, and your situation </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And this is what has us making sure we don't go beyond the border of friends. That we're mature enough to have the patience to wait if anything were to happen. Our boundaries are based off of -"if you couldn't do it with a friend, then we shouldn't do it."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">- If I don't wait enough...
- If I fall in love too soon...
- If I want to give them my heart...
... I won't be able to because I'll still be tied up in the divorce from my first wife. Doesn't she deserve better? Doesn't she deserve ALL of me? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's the beauty of it all. We're friends, we know i'm still tied up but to have the patience and be willing to wait on both parts is awesome to me.

Being parents, I think they wanted to meet the person their daughter has been talking to.
Yeah, but she's 27(ish), not 12.
As a parent, I want to know who my 12 year old hangs around with but when she's 27, I'm not gonna want to meet all her friends (but then again, if I'm still single, hmmm.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Have your parents met ALL your friends?

I want to be honest with people as much as possible. Not telling them I feel would be deceptive and starting out on the wrong foot.
If nothing is going on, then there's nothing to be dishonest about.

When you introduce all your friends to your parents, do you say, "this is Sam, he is divorced. This is Sue, she is married"? Probably not.
The way I see it is you are a bit concerned as to whether what you are doing is considered dating or not.

I think it depends Chris....my parents and I are extremely close and I told them everything about my wife when we started dating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, but she's 27(ish), not 12.
As a parent, I want to know who my 12 year old hangs around with but when she's 27, I'm not gonna want to meet all her friends (but then again, if I'm still single, hmmm..
Have your parents met ALL your friends?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LoL very true.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If nothing is going on, then there's nothing to be dishonest about.

When you introduce all your friends to your parents, do you say, "this is Sam, he is divorced. This is Sue, she is married"? Probably not.
The way I see it is you are a bit concerned as to whether what you are doing is considered dating or not. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess it's because there are suppressed feelings involved.

We're definitely concerned about falling into the perception of full on "dating". We're trying to establish a firm foundation based on friendship, wait for the D and then see what happens after that.

I've hung out with other female friends on a pure friendship level but never had feelings for them. And I never had the problem of telling people we're just friends and nothing more. In this instance we're in the same boat but since there are feelings involved I'm not sure if it's still the same thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StartinOver:
<strong> I think it depends Chris....my parents and I are extremely close and I told them everything about my wife when we started dating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My point is they are NOT dating, just friends. (and he made that clear).

I guess it depends on people's definition of dating. Our definition may differ from others.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StartinOver:
<strong> I think it depends Chris....my parents and I are extremely close and I told them everything about my wife when we started dating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My point is they are NOT dating, just friends. (and he made that clear). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Either way in my book.

Do you consider yourself dating?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Do you consider yourself dating? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope you are asking Eduard......you know Im married.

In my opinion no. The whole defining dating thing is tricky. What constitutes dating really?

In basic terminology- We hang out sometimes, talk on the phone a lot and email each other.

I consider "dating" as an exclusive relationship. You go out with the thoughts and intentions that you might kiss or hold hands amongst other things. Beyond that, I don't know.

Well, sorry Eduardo.....what you just said sounds like its purty exclusive. Do you communicate with any other female this much? Im in no way judging you, but there is a super thin line between friends and a dating. Especially if its someone you know you like. You can call them friends all you want, but if there are feelings and you speak with them daily.....I consider that dating. JMHO!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

LoL StartinOver.

In addition-

I don't consider myself dating with any of the people I've hung out with. I guess you can define if you're in the dating scene by your true intentions and actions. Now if I was going out with various women with intentions of it being more, then I would have to say I was.

This friendship wasn't truly intended to be more.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong> LoL StartinOver.

In addition-

I don't consider myself dating with any of the people I've hung out with. I guess you can define if you're in the dating scene by your true intentions and actions. Now if I was going out with various women with intentions of it being more, then I would have to say I was.

This friendship wasn't truly intended to be more. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will go with your word then.......yall are just friends.

Im not even going to lie......I wanted my now wife, when I first saw her.....even though we became friends after we met, and didnt even get together until several weeks later. She was a friend at first....but it soon grew into more.

<small>[ November 05, 2003, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

Good point StartinOver.

She's not the only female I've hung out with or talked to. Quite a bit more on the talking side, but I have confided in other women with my situation who are truly just friends.

Hmm, defining dating by the amount of time you spend on the phone with someone could mean I'm dating my Mom!

Tough call. But there definitely is a fine line. I would have to say if she chose to date someone else during this time, I would have no problem with it since we aren't truly committed to one another, a.k.a. dating.

Yeah, I can't deny I have feelings. I guess things just grew out of the sky just by conversation and we're trying to apply the brakes and make sure we do things the right way.

Something I just thought of, if we were dating we'd certainly be doing other things when we saw each other like kiss, hold hands etc. I can't imagine truly dating without those components in the mix.

My point Eduard is.......If you like her that is the difference.....you can tell your heart that we are just friends. Once you all touch....will that make it dating? I guess we are beating a dead horse hugh??

Yeah, but she's 27(ish), not 12.
As a parent, I want to know who my 12 year old hangs around with but when she's 27, I'm not gonna want to meet all her friends (but then again, if I'm still single, hmmm..
Have your parents met ALL your friends?


Chris,
Will you call my mom please? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I am 27 and She is having a hissy fit and really got out of control the other day because she hasn't met my male friend. Now my male friend and I are JUST friends. I do have feelings for him and we dated in June and July but things were going too fast and we just decided to be friends for now. We hang out and talk on the phone almost daily, email some, and he got me a birthday gift, but I have told mom we are just friends and she is having a cow still that she hasn't met him. She was really really going on about it and now she has laid off some but I don't get it.
She is upset too because I met his parents and she thinks that means he is trying to control me because I have met them. Never mind that the reason is because they were at one of his triathlons and then because we stayed at their house because they live in the same city we traveled to for a ball game. I have probably actually talked to them for a total of 2 hours.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Sorry to hijack you Eduard. Just make sure you don't get in a fog and think you are doing God's will if you are "dating" this girl. If you are just friends fine but remember EA definitions apply to ALL married people.

<small>[ November 05, 2003, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>