Our divorce was final back in March and I am still feeling the pain of her A. Thing go through my mind that she did and it hurts all over again. And to top it all off, I would probably try it again if she said the word. I am currently deployed to a place where we have nothing to do so I have a lot of time to think. I was hoping to think about what I was going to do and plan my life out, but she keeps invading thoughts.
We are still friends and probably talk to her everyday. (not while I am here) Before I left she even invited me to the movies with her, as friends ofcourse. She had even sent me emails that seem upbeat for her. Telling me to be careful, she couldn't loose me too. and that she would be praying for me. Things like that give me hope, but I fear it is in vain. I have met some really nice girls and go out, but I think I am afraid to start something serious in case the ex has a change of heart. Why am I so whipped by a cheating spouse who is still communicating with OMB? She says she sees no future with OM, but he doesn't judge her and doesn't criticize her. I know she talks to him several times a day, but do not know how often she sees him. I know they go to the same gym and its the same one my little girl takes swim lessons from.
I am stuck here in a tent with 6 other guys hurting in silences. Serving my country while my family is taken from me. Why can't I hate her Like I hate all of the OM? Why?

Thank you for serving. I for one appreciate it.

I don't know when you can move on. I think you should talk openly with your ex. Maybe you need to cut off contact for a while. It's awfully nice for her to have you as a friend. And a safety net. But, it's not fair.

She may not realize what she's putting you through. She may not understand that her actions are leading you on.

Maybe she's still torn herself. But, you need to be able to heal. And speaking to her everyday, emailing back and forth, this is not helping you to stop thinking of her.

I totally understand what you are saying. I've survived one long term affair and a second one after that and yet still... I love my wife. If she turned tomorrow, I'd take her back in a minute. I too talk to my soon to be ex wife almost every day. We have three kids close in age like yours (5,7,9) so it forces us to interact.

I will tell you that for my own life, I have had to ask her to stop contacting me except to discuss the kids. I informed her it was too painful. She treats me like one of her girlfriends and would even tell me about guy friends of hers (and her ex-lovers). I told her this must stop since it was emotionally abusive to me. You have to draw the lines that are going to help you get well. I know what it feels like to wonder if you cut back on communications, is that going to speed the end of any potential relationship between you? On that subject, I think you have to trust God. If she really wants to be with you, she knows what you are about and she knows where to find you. If she just wants "a buddy", she needs to go elsewhere. Maybe at some point in the future you can be friends again but you haven't had the time to grieve the loss and fall out of love with her ((I speak as someone in the same boat).

I have a lot of free time in my job and I know what it is like to keep obsessing over the situation. You've got to find ways to occupy your mind with positive things for you. Don't keep going through her affairs and what she is and isn't doing now. Develop a hobby. Read, read, and read. Worship. Pray. Ask God to give you a new hope and direction for your life. Invest in your kids (write them letters...).

I wish you the best. Thanks for serving your country. I hope it helps to know there are others out there like me who can totally understand your situation and are struggling to handle it the best way possible.

George