Computer Illiteracy 101

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin' yet". This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper- by holding it in front of the monitor screen - and hitting the,"Send" key.

4. Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses ..... shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer."
The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in. " The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied to remove Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken - and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER! : "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P' ".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I ain't gonna to do that!"

Oh my! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I loved them. I'm going to cut&paste these and send em off in my email.
One you didn't post though...
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Tech Support reported a lady who could not get her computer to turn on. After about 35 minutes he finally figured out the problem. Seems that she had her power strip plugged into itself, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> right along with the computer, printer and monitor... She didn't know you were supposed to plug it into the receptacle in the wall............ The dude told her she needed to pack her computer up and send it back to the Factory because she was too stoopit to own a computer... (They fired him for saying that)
Still, I thought it was funny...
hARoLD