Hi guys
Its been awhile since I have been here.

The divorce was final in January
She has been gone since Sept 2001

I am not sad from this ...havent been
for some time

But a Question for you all or someone that may
be like me....

When do you stop thinking about it?
Stop hating what happened?
The betrayal that put the final nail into a
divorce?
I continue to move in in my life..
Plenty of friends, my daughter...
free time and I am happy with my life...

But every once and a while..The thoughts of why
and anger sneak in...
Does this go away?
Any advice?

I don't know. Every now and then it sneaks back. Usually when my children act out or I have an unpleasant dealing with my x. Or when I have to deal with a situation which would not have arisen if he weren't such a doofus. I know your x has been gone for a couple of years but your are less than a year from the divorce.

Time is a great healer. Just keep working on yourself.

Tanks for the response
I know time is a healer and things are fine when
there isnt any communicating going on...which was the case for months now.
I never do ...but she does and she did today
We dont have children together but we had pets.
2 dogs and 2 cats...there is the problem

I really thought when I signed the divorce papers
she would stop calling...even to see the pets
but a couple months go by and then she reguests to see them.

See this is where I was stupid in the divorce settlement...I agreed to let her see them when she calls with a 3 day minimum notice...

All I want is to not see her again...I dont bother her and I asked if she could do the same.
I was very civil about it ....she wasnt

She demanded and said she will bring the police along tomorrow to do so...

You see I believe this has nothing to do or almost nothing to do with the pets
I believe its the foot in the door of my life, an excuse
To see what I have done with the house, my life
or whatever
I asked her to please respect my privacy and to let this go so we can continue to grow in our own lives
Yes....I am still bitter and know it will decrease with time and it has been...just not entirely yet

So when sunday comes...so does nosy and maybe the police...this is silly
She hasnt seen the pets since April..why doesnt she let it GO?

Thanks for letting me vent again

Nitehawk, I don't have any answers, other than time, but I definitely relate to how you feel. My H left 12/00 and I last saw him in May, 2002. We're still not divorced because, according to his lawyer, he's "disappeared." And yet, I'm still sending him money, paying his rent, and running our business doing both our jobs.

For me, NO CONTACT has helped the most as you say it has for you. I hope you can work out another arrangement for the pets. Good luck!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>When do you stop thinking about it?
Stop hating what happened?
The betrayal that put the final nail into a
divorce?
I continue to move in in my life..
Plenty of friends, my daughter...
free time and I am happy with my life...

But every once and a while..The thoughts of why
and anger sneak in...
Does this go away?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, Nitehawk, I can't speak for everyone, but here's how it goes for me. I spent 3 years trying to save my marriage, about 6 months separated getting the divorce, and its been about 6 months since then. Like you, I cruise along most of the time happy and enjoying my life. I feel free from abuse, free to love and validate myself, and free to be me! It's great. But every now and then something will come onto the TV or a song on the radio and it just makes me sad.

I don't regret the way I behaved, nor do I regret that I am now divorced. I think its actually the best for me. BUT...I do just feel sad about it now and then.

The instances of feeling teary-eyed are further and farther between, and it does gradually lessen, but it takes a while. I don't expect that I will ever totally STOP hating what happened to me, but I think I will eventually learn to think more of what is happening to me now and how much I enjoy my life now.


CJ