Have not posted in some time. My divorce hearing is in 12 days, Incredibly my wife has not files an answer in court. Of course, she has been either incredibly foolish or clever. She still does not have a lawyer.

Her drinking continues ( I know this because of the periodic phone calls we receive). And, she still insists on the kids visiting her there. I have steadfastly refused these requests.

The last phone call she said "Well...it's only two weeks until the hearing. I am sure the Judge will allow visitation at OM's place." I have a CS agreement in place with visitation here or at her Moms place there. It has never happened at her Moms. She has lied about them staying at her Moms several times. It is just as well.

Anyway, I feel good about my decisions and really attempted a good Plan A/B. In retrospect, I should have gone to Plan B earlier. But, with an alcoholic, I doubt that would have had much effect.

The pain has really subsided considerably...and I have many more good days than bad....and thinking about her...well...leaves me feeling almost nothing.

Pretty sad. I'd like to be able to say that things could be different...but...I am very sure I would not want them to be now anyhow. She just ndoes not feel like someone I know or want to know anymore.

Isn't it weird how you get there? B. is not an alcoholic, but we had problems early on. I asked that we got to counseling after a year of marriage. No dice. And then, I'd adjust, he'd adjust to the discomfort and go on until things got worse again and I'd ask him to get help with me, and he'd say we had no problems and we'd adjust. Boy does it ever sound like the patterns in an addicts family when I write it like that!

Anyway, I think you're making the right decision. I applaud your courage.

Gregg-

The next 12 days are going to be quite an emotional ride for you. Please find a support network. Likely when the hearing is finished, you are going to need friends (male) and family to help you deal with the pain and perhaps anger you experience.

As far as the STBXW goes, document everything. It sounds like your heart is in the right place trying to protect the kids but still making sure they have a relationship with their mother. Document your STBXW's behavior. If she calls drunk, ask her to call another time. If the kids are not at the residence you expect them to be at, then document and let your lawyer know.

I had my primilary hearing last year at almost exactly the same time your hearing is scheduled. It was a difficult time for me and I didn't expect the grilling I got from my WW's attorney. Best to you.

HoFS

It's rather unnerving, isn't it, when the response is nothing? My papers were filed in mid october, and there's just a couple of days left for my stbx to make his response. So far, the response is nothing. It weighs heavily nonetheless and I came down with a whopper of a cold yesterday. Take good care of yourself, be healthy.

Gregg,

I can hear your solemness in this post. You truly tried doing what you could and nothing came about.

Don't second guess your decisions, you honestly and sincerely did what you thought was right with plan a/b. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking in the rearview mirror won't get you anywhere besides going backwards.

It sounds like you're coming into acceptance here and there. Just know that things would never be the same and it sounds like it would not be a good situation you would want to be in anyhow.

{{{{{{{Gregg}}}}}}} I, too, am married to an alcoholic and wish things could be different. My H didn't show up for a deposition last week and, in fact, his lawyer claims to have lost contact with him and requested help from me to find him! I haven't seen or heard from him since May 2002. Yes it's sad, but we're moving forward, which is all we can do. Good luck!

Thanks all for the replies and hugs. They are a great source of comfort for me.

It has been a very trying and difficult road, but hopefully this will be over soon enough. It is time for progress and for life to move on.

I have accepted all of this for what it is and is not. I can live with all of my decisions knowing I did the best i could given the cards we were dealt.

Gregg your divorce may be the catalyst that helps your W to start turning her life around (one can only hope). I say this because it was in my situation (my xWW said it to me last year). But if it is, it won't happen immediately after the divorce becomes finalized because there is a part of her mind that still does not beleive that she has lost you forever. I just hope that the final realization does not push her towards further self-destruction, but if it does you are NOT responsible for it. Everybody, addicted or not, is responsible for his/her choices in life.