At the request of my spouse and after many months of me trying and him sitting on the fence, I am leaving our home on Saturday. I am so very sad and feel like I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I love him and he says he loves me. He fell in love w/ a co-worker in Feb. (EA) and hasn't been the same since then.(EA is over) He says he feels so guilty and he doesn't know how to work on us. What do I say as I walk out the door? How do I not cry a river and beg him to reconsider, how do I do this and retain my dignity???? Can someone give me ANY advise? I am so very scared..He says we will still work on "us" but he needs "time and space". This is a ten year devoted relationship. We communicate well, but at this time I am at a loss for words.

The best way to maintain your dignity is to say “This is not what I want. But since it is what you need, I’m accommodating you.” Avoid all LoveBusters as they won’t help and seriously jeopardize your dignity. Don’t beg. It’s unattractive.

This is not your mistake. It’s his. BTW: why do you have to leave?

And it may not be a huge mistake. I suggest you read the book Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lee Raffel. It describes a controlled separation in which everything is negotiated including whether you will date others or each other. How much physical contact you two will have, division of household, length of separation, counseling, everything. How many times you may call each other.

Trust me, if you want a separation to help, this is a great way to go about it. It eliminates the ambiguity. And everyone has the same expectations.

Since you don’t want to go, you can make this a condition of your leaving.

Whisper,

If you don't want it, than don't do it! Don't give up!

Do a check on Retrouvaille for one in, or nearest your area. They are saving four out of five marriages! Including ones with physical abuse, infidelity, and alcoholics. Even when one or both spouses are hating/resenting one another!

Go to www.marriagesavers.org click on need help with your marriage,,, there is also a phone number you can call to get info, and dates.

The mature and responsible thing to do, is give every effort and attempt to save, recover your marriage before anyone jumps on this so called quick divorce bandwagon.


You can tell your H look, "We have been married x number of years. I am asking you to give me one weekend to work at our marriage at a Retrouvaille weekend. If we succeed, that would be wonderful for both us (and the kids.) If not, we have only lost a weekend. What is the risk?"

Usually there is one who is the dragee, yet they are still saving 4 out of 5 marriages!!!


STANDING in Michigan
www.rejoiceministries.org