To me....if one person is in an affair and the other spouse goes to plan B.....that would allow the WS "freedom" they are looking for to continue the affair. JMHO. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StartinOver:
<strong> To me....if one person is in an affair and the other spouse goes to plan B.....that would allow the WS "freedom" they are looking for to continue the affair.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's kind of the point, actually. You give the WS what (s)he wants, and (s)he gets a chance to see just how much (s)he likes it.

As long as WS is able to maintain a relationship with the BS, it is possible for the WS to shift blame and disowned feelings onto the BS (via projection and projective identification). It is more difficult for the WS to do this when the BS is out of the picture.

It is pretty ludicrous when you think about, but it isn't a bad idea.

What you do is Plan A and give the WS so many good things to remember you by that they get a lot of EN's fulfilled by you.

Then you Plan B and take those EN's that are being fulfilled away. It then forces the WS to stop fence sitting and cake eating. IF they like what they had while with you, then they will choose you.

The important part about Plan B is it also protects the WS/BS from love busting. It allows the BS to focus on themselves for self improvement and helps to detach you emotionally. This way at the end of Plan B if it doesn't work, you will have fallen out of love by then and it will be that much easier.

Plan B FORCES the WS to depend on the OP for ALL of his/her EN's. Many OP's are NOT able to do this and when the WS realizes this, s/he starts to come out of the 'fog'. Comparisons between the BS and the OP are inevitable in the mind of the WS, and when s/he realizes that the grass was definitely not greener on the other side, s/he starts to miss the life s/he had with the BS. When the awakening is complete, the WS dumps the OP for good and contacts the BS expressing a desire to rebuild the marriage. But Plan B won't work if there wasn't a good Plan A to preceed it.

StartinOver,

Actually, in a way, this is exactly the point of Plan B. You see, StartinOver, a WS is going to do what they are determined to do. As you know, you can not "make" someone do anything, and if they are determined to keep an OP or leave their spouse and family, that is what they will do. However, as a BS, the best thing we can do for them is to allow them to FULLY experience life with the OP.

See, in an affair, a WS is sort of living in a fantasy world. Their socks and underwear are washed by their BS, their kids are cared for while they go out, the bills are LONG forgotten, and all their spare time, energy, and thoughts can go into the unrealistic fantasy of their soulmate lover. That OP seems "perfect" because all that OP has to do is be attractive, act interested, and be understanding. WELL...maybe that OP wouldn't be so attractive if she were washing his socks and underwear, huh?? Maybe she wouldn't be so interested if he wasn't paying her bills and taking her out to dinner and buying her presents. Maybe she wouldn't be so understanding if he was yelling at her, calling her stupid, and blaming her for all his problems.

Plan B takes the WS from Playland to Reality. The WS sees the OP with messy hair, bad breath, socks on in bed, no makeup, messed up finances, unpaid bills, and unattractive behavior. She is just like any other woman, rather than being on that pedestal.

Does that make sense?


CJ