Whoa! It took 12 pages to print off your post--you really did write an encyclopedia and that is totally OK!!! <P>I have not forgotten you and see many others are on board listening. Clyde A thought I may have something to say to help you...hope so. Just a quick post anyway to let you know I hope to get back here later today to see if there is anything I can offer in the way of friendship or support as you are on the journey with the rest of us here at MB.<P>Never give up!<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

You and me need to chat, girl! <P>2Worlds, I read your post "Ummm...volume one" finally....<P>Wow. We are two worlds apart you and I but I made some big mistakes that maybe will now help me to be a helper to you.<P>Firstly, I noted the thread ended on September 10 and do hope that you are safe and ok. Naturally, there is a lot of anxiety about our American friends in Pennsylvania and New York areas. I am Canadian. <P>Let me say as a recovering WS myself (only about 7mos plus)that you are on the right track. You want your marriage or are pretty sure you do. I say your H needs a bop on the head to see your anguish Basically, I mean you need to show him your post so that he can see your pain about your need for sexual fulfilment being unmet. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself...<P>Does H know about your A? <P>When are you going to stop ALL contact with OM? It MUST cease. I hate to tell you this but if he is single, he may not be as hurt by worming out of a romance with a married lady as you suspect. This is the difficulty of As. There are lots of lies...and they usually are on both sides. I don't want to alienate you but have to be super honest...I want to confess something I haven't shared here yet (and I've shared ALOT) I foolishly asked OM to stand by the weekend I decided to confess "in case I needed a friend"...have I ever heard from OM? No, never since his email imploring me not to confess because I might jeopardize MYSELF (H had a different view on that point)<P>But even if there are feelings of love,2W, you are hurting everyone by continued contact. There is no gentle way to drop Om...you have to sever the ties all by yourself and you have to be the one to decide so. It isn't easy and I can relate to your dilemma because I kept wondering how to end my A and keep my "friendship" with OM. It kept me in fog for months. <P>So you have some tough choices to make. You seem to be heading in the right direction. I guess in light of last Tuesday, I'm also tempted to ask you a strange question...how do you want to be remembered when you leave this world? What do you want your kids to say about you? What do you want to have peace about..what choices will bring you the most peace in the long run?<P>Miracles happen all the time. I am a living testimony to that fact. For some reason, H forgave me and our marriage still needs lots of work but in many ways is stronger than ever...despite my poor choices in the past.<P>I really care about what's happening to you and hope that I can be someone you'll feel free to question, vent with, whatever...I've been where you are. I hope you will join me on the recovery journey...think you have really decided that and just need some encouragement already, am I right?<P>Please write back. Thank you to ClydeA for helping me find you. You have been through a lot. You are a survivor 2Worlds...I hope here at MB we can help you to find peace, joy and love in one world. Hugs,<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

2Worlds, are you here? Still hoping to find you again.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by freshstart:<BR><B>2Worlds, are you here? Still hoping to find you again.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Freshstart:<P>She responded in GQ today saying she had been off for a while and would check your response in this forum later and reply.<P>Clyde<P>

<small>[ March 24, 2004, 11:03 PM: Message edited by: 2worlds ]</small>

2Worlds:<P>I hope you get to the stage where you do not see each other AT ALL. It is the BEST thing.<P>About the telephone calls: I allowed my W two calls per month to OM; and two calls from OM to her.<P>At the time I thought that that was better than 'no contact' in order to prevent them stealing calls if I had ordered it cut altogether. They are supposed to have ONE CONVERSATION PER WEEK where he calls a total of twice and she calls a total of twice per month.<P>On hindsight, I feel now that I should have enforced the 'no contact' rule. Let them steal their calls and let me find out so I could determine from that how honest she is.<P>You need to SEVER this, no matter how hard it is. <P>Clyde<p>[This message has been edited by ClydeA (edited October 04, 2001).]

2Worlds, thank you for your honesty and no you didn't offend me. <P>But may I also be honest and say the A is not truly over until the friendship ends with OM. I personally think intimacy will not happen in the bedroom while OM is floating around you when your H wants you alone...can you imagine his pain? Whether he knows or not (and believe me generally a BS knows a lot more than we WS think)<P>I also hope I am not being offensive and these are not easy words to write to someone who sounds so sweet. <P>It is going to hurt. The only way to undo a lie is to tell the truth. It is not your job to help OM by hanging on. The best way is truly sever the ties. Friendship is impossible if you want to get well and save your marriage. Hon, it's going to hurt like Hades--even though I had a bad experience with OM and no longer care about him, I have to admit that there is a big void in my life without his friendship. But I have had to readjust my world so that my H is everything along with my girls. This has been soooo hard but worth it.<P>You admit you are in fog. You are correct and hopefully that fog will lift. It takes more courage to break free and to confess but how much better than being caught or misunderstood. Your H may just surprise you with his capacity to forgive. He will be angry but you never know what a wakeup call it could be and you'll never know if you can have the marriage of your dreams with the man who was your first choice before OM ever came into your life.<P>We have renewed the honesty in our marriage. Sometimes H and I have to say things that could be hurtful but we choose which things are worth risking and choose our words carefully to let each other know. H tells me he feels an attraction to someone special in our life but has promised me he will not allow himself to ever be alone with her because he desires me first. Your marriage can be that special, too.<P>Sounds like you have a terrific H. All the best to you.