<small>[ June 15, 2004, 01:50 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

To all of my new 'Standing' friends,

Something that I have told many people when they ask what I'm holding on for...How do I know that tomorrow won't be the day that God works a miracle in my husband and our marriage? I'm not willing to take that chance!

I'm so glad to have found all of you and your posts have been such an encouragement. I have been called to stand for my marriage since the day I found out about my husband's affair, but didn't realize that there were others who were standing also.

Ephesians 6:13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you many be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, TO STAND!

Bless you all. Keep believing.

Sanguine

I agree with you COMPLETELY.

The following sentence is one that was in Charlyne's email today.....

Giving up your stand may mean the difference between Heaven or Hell for your one-flesh mate.

That's a scary thought. What if I did give up today and tomorrow was the day that he was gonna be saved? I just CAN'T give up. I pray for strength to be able to hold on as long as God wants me to.

Thanks for sharing.

H98

Hello to all on this thread. I have been "standing" for 1.5 years. I am the reason my H went after AW. I pushed him away by my thoughtlessness and uncaring for his needs. I have great guilt about this. Terrible guilt. I went through the Rejoice Ministries and the Restorem programs - books, tapes, lost weight, etc. Then a bad thing happened. A severe depression hit me like a ton of bricks - despite all the prayer, all the Bible promises, all the hope, and all the love I still have for my H, despite his A. That depression almost took my life. I am just now coming back to where I was and am not sure I can do the "standing" again as was doing. Have "moved on" to preparing for S and D if that is what is coming. But still seeking forgiveness from God and from H for my failings. It seems I have lived a life of selfishness and as I looked back over it during my depressed days, it seems perhaps I was "cursed" from the start - and I am seeking prayer for deliverance from that curse and also prayer for forgiveness and cleansing - because my H was a good, honest, gentle, Christian man who is engaged in behavior no one would believe. We are still "together" though separate. I just want to warn people who are standing - as I was. Be on the lookout for symptoms of depression. Mine snuck up on me bigtime and I was in trouble before I knew what hit me. During severe depression, one feels abandoned by God!!!! It is worse than anything .....and I seek God's cleansing and restoration of me with His presence....but feel that if H cannot forgive me for driving me away - that I am responsible for this horror that has come into our lives. Any comments are welcome.

Hello to all on this thread. I have been "standing" for 1.5 years. I am the reason my H went after AW. I pushed him away by my thoughtlessness and uncaring for his needs. I have great guilt about this. Terrible guilt. I went through the Rejoice Ministries and the Restorem programs - books, tapes, lost weight, etc. Then a bad thing happened. A severe depression hit me like a ton of bricks - despite all the prayer, all the Bible promises, all the hope, and all the love I still have for my H, despite his A. That depression almost took my life. I am just now coming back to where I was and am not sure I can do the "standing" again as was doing. Have "moved on" to preparing for S and D if that is what is coming. But still seeking forgiveness from God and from H for my failings. All comments are welcome.

learningalot,

We have a lot in common. I am also learning a lot.
I treated my husband bad and drove him away. I am also still married and my husband and I live apart. (Well if you read my post you will see that he is here most of the time now.) I also suffer with severe depression. It took awhile to find out that I had suffered from depression for years and it caused a lot of my bad behavior. Doesn't excuse it, just explains it.

I do great now as long as I take my medication. I ask to be heal of my depression and now believe God wanted to heal me through medication. It took me almost two years to find a medication that worked for me. Most made me sleepy which didn't help at all. I found one that worked good but, it made me eat everything and I gained 40 pounds in 4 months. That gave me a different kind of depression. Anyway, I finally found a med that worked for me. Someone on this forum had a discussion on meds to treat depression. One of them seemed to have side effects and treatment that would work for me. I ask my doctor about it and have been taking it ever since.

I do great but, I can tell if I miss a dose. believe me when I say I suffered form deep depression. Never wanting to get out of bed, crying all the time, I felt hopeless a lot, I would get really upset over nothing, I even isolated for a while and rarely left my house.

My husband is close to being home. Please do a search using my member number on this thread and the prayer request thread and read parts of my testimony. My husband said he was never coming home and he now he rarely doesn't stay here.

I wouldn't give up, God has just been plowing up your life as he did mine. He has to plow before he can plant.

gentle

learningalot--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but feel that if H cannot forgive me for driving me away - that I am responsible for this horror that has come into our lives </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really wish I had more time this morning to respond to this a little better. But in a nutshell.....you do not have to nor need to feel that way. I know it sounds harsh, but if your H cannot or will not forgive you, well ...that's his problem.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But still seeking forgiveness from God and from H for my failings. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you asked God to fogive you? If the answer is yes and there is repentance in you, then you ARE forgiven. Now of course......there is that nasty little red-headed guy running around that wants to makes us feel guilty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> about our past.

I know in my case that I could only begin to heal once I had forgiven myself for my faults and failures. Once I had that issue settled the others began to fall into place. The hardest part being bringing my emotions in line with my decision,....

To Gentle: Thank you for your comments. Am so glad your H is being with you more and more. What a joy! And understand re: meds making you sleepy - mine do that too but have adjusted and now am grateful because before I had gotten to where I could not sleep through the night - a huge sign of deep trouble!!!! I didn't know that and before I had sought help with medication, I became totally despondent. This is not a good situation to be in - and am finally working back to a place of "normalcy" again...with much help from counseling, meds, and family. And prayer. I have not felt like praying - did not want to read the Bible during this time. Felt like I was in hell. It is horrible - horrible - horrible. God showed me His grace and mercy. But I have yet to experience deliverance and all the prayers for H - had not seen any change in him which is why the depression hit bigtime, I believe. Finally became convinced that nothing was going to change and this was it - and well - just did not want to go on living. Other things involved also - re: the reality of it all.

My biggest caution to all standers is that if they become unable to sleep or eat or they freeze up and don't want to move - get to a doctor and get help fast! God puts doctors here to help us - and I resisted getting serious help. That was a huge mistake.

RE: the guilt. I still have this guilt....I have confessed it go God but since the situation is still ongoing - and so dangerous - am so scared - and I know fear is not faith - but fear is a big characteristic of depression - anyway, feared the worst will happen from all this mess - which I CAUSED by pushing H away.

Am about ready to get back to bigtime praying - but need prayer partners. If anybody on this thread would care to pray for me I will pray for you specifically. Thanks in advance.

To Trusting Her - thank you for your comments also. Trusting is a word I need to recapture - because I had come to the point where I did not trust anybody for good things to come, but believed only the worst would happen. I am glad to hear the words about being able to forgive ourselves. How did you get to that point? My H is so outstanding, so kind, such a hard worker, was only good to me - and I pushed him away - that all will side with him when they know (not all know) what has happened. I know that is silly to talk about - but the condemnation from all concerned presses down on me so much when I think that way - (of course, I should NOT spend time in such thoughts - but sometimes, I do anyway).

I realize H has made choices too. But he would never have considered those choices, IMO, if not for me being so insensitive to his needs and desires. Yes, there were a few things that he was insensitive to me about - but for the most part - he was and is a wonderful man with a kind and gentle heart. And I trashed it. I just don't think I can forgive myself - please pray for me to be able to do so.

In fact, anybody who prays, please pray for God's grace and mercy and power to be active in our marriage situation to bring us both to God's way and to deliver us both from evil. That is what I was praying - praying the scriptures - over and over - before the severe depression hit. And boy did it hit like a ton of bricks like a storm that took me into the depths of hell.

One thing I do know - the Bible is totally true! No one should question it - any of it. Every word is true and everything there is for our benefit and for warning and for our edification. But God is not mocked. We reap what we sow. And even when He forgives, we still experience the consequences of our actions.

That is why I cannot forgive myself - because these consequences are still ongoing and have not finished and there is only death and destruction ahead unless a miracle of God intervenes.

I know that prayer can make a difference - but it is God Himself who intervenes and sometimes He does not intervene because He is using what is going on to teach us and to teach all around us that His Word is true.

And, finally, I truly believe we are heading into the last days as told about all through the Bible - so the time is very very short - and hell on earth is coming soon.

We need to all be repentant and at work for God's kingdom. But sometimes just basic survival is all one can think about - and that's about where I am. Thanks for any and all prayers.

learningalot--

How did you get to that point?

A wonderful book by R.T. Kendall called "Total Forgiveness". It brought to reality a lot of thing that I already knew but in a light that I could actually do something with that knowledge.

I too stood where you are standing now. I spent almost an entire year believeing that it was ALL my fault. That if I had not failed here or there that I would still be married today.

But I finally came to the understanding that the past is past. There is absoutely nothing that you or I can do to change it. But in the same context, do we really know that if we had done everything right that our spouses would not still do the same thing or make the same choices.

Of course not.

I now understand that our relationship was ripe for an affair. That there were needs being unmet on both sides, hers and mind. WE BOTH could have chosen to have an affair but one of us did not. Does that make my any greater or better than my wife? Nope! Not even one little bit. If you look at our two families from the outside it would seem that it would have been I who went in that direction. But sometimes God uses us in funny ways to get us to a point where we can only depend on Him.

As for forgiving myself. Well, God's Word tells me that if I confess and repent then I am forgiven. This I know. The other part is Paul's teachings on the renewing of the mind. A new man or woman in Christ. I now make an effort to protect myself from those wandering thoughts. When I beging to think about my past and my failures I have a little guard who stands at my minds entrance.

This guy takes each thought and tests it against God's Word. From "Total Forigveness" :

N - Necessary
E - Encourage
E - Edify
D - Diginfy

If that thought does not meet that criteria or is in opposition to God's word, well.....that little gruard runs a spear through that thought and then takes it out to the dumps.

A little simplistic but it works for me.

You and yours are in my prayers.

Me thinks I need to slow down and learn to spell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 16, 2003, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Her ]</small>

Thanks again for your reply. The NEED acrostic is a good one. I will search for that book. The problem is that I can forgive my WS - but he cannot forgive me for not fulfilling his needs. Yes, he made the choice for the OW. But I allowed it. I did not pay attention to the basics of life in our marriage - and this happened. I cannot forgive myself. The worst has not hit from all this yet. We are still at the place before it all hits the fan. There are a few who are praying. I have been with this wonderful man for almost all of my life and now am facing life alone. It is like staring into the pit of hell. We have no children. I do have siblings in the area and some friends and our church but am not strong socially. Feel as if I will have to "learn to walk" all over again. I depended on so much from him and still do. Well - more later. Thanks for the prayers again.

learningalot--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problem is that I can forgive my WS - but he cannot forgive me for not fulfilling his needs.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it that he cannot forgive or tht he chooses NOT to forgive. Put yourself in his position and try to see how he justifies that position. If he forgives you for not meeting his needs then he has to take a long hard look at himself.

And that is what seperates those who make it into recovery and those that in up in divorce. My wife was never willing to look at herself. Everything..and I mean everything was my fault.

I probably need to go back and see your background on this but please listen. He can forgive if he chooses to, he just has to first forgive himself. His affair is his affair. You were not there. You did not make that decision for him. It was his and his alone. Let him deal with that.

You allowed it! Please explain this a bit. Trust me...I know I have my faults and my flaws but in no way did I allow my wife to have an affair. Yes, you played a role in the relationship but you DID NOT allow it.

Do not let your husband drag you through this pit of self pity. I did just that for over a year and all I ended up with was affair number 2. Take care of YOURSLEF as that is the only person that you can change. I do not want to be harsh on your husband but I can assure you that unless NC has been established he will continue to try and make it all your fault. Make changes in yourself today. Set boundaries in you life and marraige today.

I read somewhere that Dobson thinks that it is not a loss of communication that causes marraiges to fail but rather a loss of respect of the other partner. Earn that respect back by not allowing him to control you and the outcome of this flaw. You and he can recover and have a wonderful marraige, but......it will be much harder doing this that it would for him to walk. That's what my wife did.

I am praying for you, let God changes you into the lady He would have you to be. Put forth your best effort to change yourself and pray for the best.

<small>[ November 16, 2003, 04:45 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Her ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by learningalot:
<strong> I can forgive my WS - but he cannot forgive me for not fulfilling his needs. I did not pay attention to the basics of life in our marriage - and this happened. I cannot forgive myself.

I do have siblings in the area and some friends and our church but am not strong socially. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">learning....

I am reading your story, and see so much of myself (and my M) in your posts. Because of that, I feel like I need to respond to you, to point out some important things to you.

Listen, YOU asking God to forgive you for your part in the break-down in your M is all you can do! YOU cannot make your WH forgive you. That is HIS responsibility. And, remember, NO marriage is perfect. All you're doing now is re-writing history yourself, to make it appear that it was perfect except for how terrible you were to your poor, dear H. I doubt that.

I know. I was the exact same as YOU, H has a good heart, kind, caring, sensitive, romantic, etc.....blah, blah, blah. BUT (big but here), BUT - Here's the "Rub": He was NOT this way all the time. He could be an insenstive clod. He could be a "mama's boy" and his family many times came before me and OUR home. He was a slob and a couch potato <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and used to make me NUTZ that he never had time to do what I needed done around the house.......or the lawn, or had energy to take me out.........that he was terrible in managing money.

What's my point? This: You are re-writing history to make yourself feel worse than you need to!! OK, OK, your H is also re-writing history to make himself more of a victim, and you more the BAD one than necessary. DOn't buy into it!! It takes TWO to make OR break a M.

Yes, I was guilty of many of the same things you are naming. YES, I was very wrong to ignore many of his EN's. But ya know what? Many times, I didn't get what I needed either. I'm not a totally ignorant, nasty B*TCHY person. I am a woman who had a H who was a decent guy. He M'd me thinking I'd BE HIS HAPPINESS> I never felt that was my responsibility. I did keep a little too much "distance" between us, but some of that was b/c of disappointment in how he allowed his family to treat me.

See my point? There wwere reasons for some of my behavior. Does that justify it? Of course not! But just remember that it takes two. It takes two to build a M, and it takes two to destroy one. The devil comes to you to kill, steal and destroy. Remember that, thinkingalot.

After my H left, I literally fell on my FACE before God. I finally saw how terrible I had been treating him. I was repentant. But he was gone. He simply didn't care anymore. I asked God for forgiveness. I got it. I asked my H for forgiveness. Know what he said? "We're both guilty." I guess that's something. But, between us? It didn't change anything. He kept on going....further and further away. But listen, once I knew I was forgiven by God, that's all that mattered. God began working on the inside. changing ME. Fixing ME.

We hadn't gone to church in a very long time. I started going again. SHortly before he left, we had moved to a new town. The only "close" family was my sister, and she's 40 miles away (and we've never been very close). So, basically, I didn't have a lot of family or friends nearby. That made me lean harder on God.

In a way, it felt like God had put me in a "Wilderness" experience. Kinda like Moses? Or Joseph, or Jesus........well, you get the idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He had my total, undivided attention. He began to "fix" me. He began to talk to me. To teach me, to change me and re-make me in HIS image. 2½ years later, He's still working. I guess I needed a lot of "fixing." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> So does my H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Remember, Moses was in the wilderness for 40 years! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I honestly believe God did this when He did it, and where He did it, so that He could have me away from all distractions and work this out in me. I couldn't go running to this friend or that one. I HAD to be still and lean on HIM.

OK, two last points: First one - You said H wouldn't have considered his actions if not for yours? Well, that just isn't so. HE and HE ALONE is responsible for what he chose. Remember that, please! YOU didn't "make" him go running off to OW. He chose to do that (just like mine did) rather than talking to US, telling us they were feeling so alone, so neglected. I know that I tried to get him to go to a counselor with me. I KNEW we were having troubles. I wanted us to fix it, but he denied we had a problem. So how did he choose to deal with our "problem"? By running away. I KNOW God will not honor that action. He never has, He never will. Remember that, too, please.

Secondly, while you are trying to work yourself out of your depression, try what works for me! I listen to Praise music. I go to a church where I can hear praise music, as well as "hear from God." I buy tapes of the music we sing in church, and I listen to it at home. I found the "Praisingest" type music radio station I could, and keep it on at home and in my car. I started memorizing the words to the songs, and hum them to myself at work all day long. It helps keep me on an even keel. It helps lifts my mood. It - fer shure - lifted me out of my depression.

Well, there's still one more point (sorry this is so long!), and it's based on soemthing you wrote:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
But God is not mocked. We reap what we sow. And even when He forgives, we still experience the consequences of our actions.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's true. "God is not mocked." It's true: "We reap what we sow." It's true. "We still experience the consequences of our actions." It's all true. The scriptures are all true. I know this. I know you know this. BUT - your H (and mine) are also experiencing the consequences of their actions too! Or they will. you said it: "GOD IS NOT MOCKED."

Finally: learningalot, think about this: "God is the God of second chances." SOmething recently told me that, and I will never forget it!! Think about all the people in the Bible who screwed up their lives. Yes, there was a price to pay for their disobedience. But after their time of repentance, and "wilderness experience" to draw closer to God, He restored them, and gave them a second chance to do His will!

PTL!!!

God Bless,

Amen to that Lupo.

Learningalot,

I believe God sent you here to us. You need to read Psalms 139. God knew you would make all the mistakes you made before you were born. He still chose you. I had trouble forgiving myself too. I still have to ask God to help me forgive myself when Satan brings my past up. If I didn't believe God was a God of second chances, I wouldn't need Him nor would I be here.

Anyone can get depression. We live in a fallen world and their is a lot of stress and pain. Please understand that you may have gotten depression even if you were not standing. Standing for your marriage is more about having faith in God. It is about standing with Him and trusting God to take care of your every need.

I am glad you listed the signs of depression. Please know that one can fall into depression when going through a separation of divorce even if they don't seek restoration. It can happen when we experience any lost or life changing event.I now know that my depression was cause from growing up with the stress and pain caused by my parents divorce, my father's drinking, and being molested at the age of 11. I tried meds over the years, but no one really ever explained to me how meds or depression works. I thought there has to be more work with me than this. Little did I know that depression was more.

Anyway, you have friends here to talk to. So don't worry about not be social. You seem to be doing fine here. Maybe this is a good enviroment for you to start in.

gentle

<small>[ November 16, 2003, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

lupolady--


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> BUT - Here's the "Rub": He was NOT this way all the time. He could be an insenstive clod. He could be a "mama's boy" and his family many times came before me and OUR home. He was a slob and a couch potato and used to make me NUTZ that he never had time to do what I needed done around the house.......or the lawn, or had energy to take me out.........that he was terrible in managing money.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since you were married for 21 years I know you can't be my wife. But based on that description I would have sworn that you had been living with me for the last seventeen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't have all of those traits, but I was guilty of many to a degree over our years. But guess what....like you said:

God is a God of second chances. A tag I saw the other day said "God Allows U-Turns".

Gentle - lupollady - Trusting her: You all do not know how much your replies mean to me. Today has been a very blue day. Your kind and true words really help - thank you - and I do think God sent me here because only others who are walking or have walked this path understand.
Thank you for all your comments and I will take them all into consideration. The WS is still W - at this moment - and I know tough love is prescribed by Dr. Dobson but I was not doing that as advised by the marriage restoration ministries. Am now ready to change this and seek God's help and forgiveness and guidance in all I say and do......but most of all, I seek God's forgiveness for my WS and the OW. And I seek strength to go forward and go through the hell that lies before us. I seek God's grace and mercy and deliverance. And I need practical advice also. More than anything else, I seek a restoration of fellowship with Jesus Christ - and hope for restoration of my life before him and my WS's life. I know God gives 2nd chances......He has shown me nothing but mercy and grace all my life. I just want to know I have not passed the point of the end of HIs grace, the point of no return, when He gives up on me and/or gives up on my WS. I know He loves us but I also know that He will put up with our sin only for so long and then we could be separated from Him eternally - saying Lord Lord but not following Him. I fear that's what I have been doing - because so much of this problem is MINE, no matter what else has happened. I guess learning to accept God's forgiveness NOW - is where I am having the toughest time.....and the tears are here because of it!

Fellow Standers,

I have made a big decision about my marriage tonight and have left it completely in God's hands. I know that some of you may disagree with me but I truly feel this is what God wants me to do. This thursday is the last day for me to file a response to the divorce papers my H served me on 10/21. I have decided not to file. I've prayed about it and God has asked me to trust him completely.

"Declare me innocent, O Lord
because I do what is right
and trust you completely"
Psalms 26:1

I just got off the phone with my H a few minutes ago. I called him. I prayed very much about it and asked God to stop me if this was the wrong decision. Either way, I know that God is going to lead me the rest of the way and out of this desert and into the promised land. I told him that I still loved him, I still pray for him, that I do not want this divorce still but that I was not going to stand in his way. I told him that I trusted him, and that I know from his past that he will be fair. I told him I've loved him many years already and that love hasn't changed. I told him that if this was what he needed to find true happiness in his life (which I know he won't find unless he comes back to God) then I was not going to fight him. I was not going to file a response. I told him not to forget that I love him, that God loves him and that neither one of us has given up on him.

Nothing else I can do for my marriage but keep PRAYING. This is so hard and has made me cry alot again but I know that God is with me and I WILL be ok. I am trusting him COMPLETELY and have dedicated my life to Him and Him alone. The enemy will not have ANY part of my life and I tell him that out loud many times (in case he's hard of hearing). PLEASE keep me in your prayers as I am still human and hurt very much after all these months. Pray for my h's heart to be softened. I know that God is a God of Second Chances but I pray that my h will take that chance given to him. He's given me another chance and I'm taking it and never letting go of Him again. God is also a God of miracles and I know that NOTHING is impossible for him. Pray that I face the right direction in life and do as God wants me to do. Thank you all!

God Bless You!!

H98

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 12:30 AM: Message edited by: hopeful98 ]</small>

H98,

It sounds like you are on the right path. God told me to do the same thing but is was after I had already contested the divorce. Big mistake. I did give it took God right before pretrail and that is when things took a turn for the best. I am glad you are listening to God sooner than I did and you are not get a lawyer or responding.


Learning,
God is not only a God of second chances, He is the God of second and third changes. As long as we seek him and repent He will be there for us. He knows it is hard for us to turn from sin. We are a work in progress. That is why we need Him. He is the one that molds us and helps us remove sin from our lives. He will not give up on us as long as we seek Him. He knows our hearts and He knows the future and past. The very fact that you realize you have sin shows that the Holy Spirit is working in you. The Holys Spirit is convicting you and this is good. It shows your heart is in the right place. If you didn't know you have sin then, that would be something to be concerned about. God loves you and He forgives you. He knows you still struggle with sin. We will not be perfect until we are with Him.

gentle

<small>[ November 17, 2003, 11:26 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

THe Power of prayer and standing for my marriage.

I had two dreams this morning,

Tthe first one my x/h was crying bitterly asking me to forgive him and that he is remorsefull for what he did to our family and I must give him time. With calmness and serenity i told him that I had forgiven him but he needs to seek the Lord's forgiveness.

The second one: We were attending a social get together and he expended all his energy on the children and ignored me completely throughout this dream I could not see his face as he was about to leave I noticed his clothes hanging like rags on him I touched his shoulder, he turned around and I saw utter pain on his face. Again he started crying bitterly, this time I hugged him and asked him to come home to his family.

On waking this morning I prayed God's amor, protection, and for the Holy Spirit to come into the lives of my x/h and his OW. I also prayed for the restoration of OW's marriage. Yet, I was disobedient this morning. God was directing me to read the Bible but in my haste to get children dressed and ready for school I left the house without reading my Bible.

As i read Charlynne cares this morning, again God spoke to me and I prayed in my office using the names of my x/h, OW, her x/h and our families using the email as my guide line.

In the middle of my prayer my mobile rings, first thought was to ignore it but then decided to answer it. My x/h was on the phone.

He will be doing business in our town on Friday, will be staying the weekend and would like to have the girls so that they could visit his ailing dad. Withour hesitation I agreed.

He is also trying to arrange a flight for next Saturday to attend youngest daughters kindergarden
graduation. Since he left home 2 yrs ago he only attended one school function in 2001.

The kindergarden graduation is being held at our church and the reception in in the church hall. There he will see photo's of myself and children and how active we are in our church.

For 2 1/2yrs I have been praying to God to lead my x/h to a church, now I am being blessed abundently. He will be in a church for the first time since we separated and he will be in the church where my children and I worship.

Since holding onto God and not x/h, I have witnessed a wonderful change in me and now I know that God is working on my x/h too.

God is great.

Gentle,

Thank you so much for confirming that I have made the right decision. I know you have gone thru all this and have made it with God's help. I am learning to hear Him and am very happy to know that He IS in charge and will lead me thru. I am interested in hearing more of your story if you don't mind sharing. You can email me at hopeful98@hotmail.com. If you don't want to, I understand. But thanks for being here and giving me hope. God bless you!

H98