Hopeful,

I added your email address to address book. There are something's that are going on in my life right now that are really trying to destroy me. I know that Satan will not win. My spirit is weak right now which of course means I have been weak in the flesh. I will write you it just may not be right away. I am not sure how much of my story you have read. I know I need to write one and put a link to it, I have just not taken the time. You may do a search on my member number here and on prayer request and find much of my testimony. If you go way back you can read my post before God moved as much as he has now.

To all others on this thread,

I must confess that I was disobedient today. I have let my emotions rule me the past several days due to a family problem. The problem is not with my husband. He has been supportive and put up with some of the old me. I got very upset at work today and got into it with a shift leader. I ended up leaving. I talked to the general manager tonight about all that is going on. She told me to take some time off and call her when I was feeling better and got some of this stuff worked out.

I have gotten so busy with things at church lately that I have neglected my time in the word. I have even missed worship several times so, of course my spirit is weak right now. Satan is trying his best to get me down about my behavior this morning. I am confessing my sins to you so that I will be healed.

thank all of you for being here. What satan has meant for evil, God will use for good.

gentle

To Gentle and all on this topic: I have been convicted about my sin and have confessed it and forsaken it - but every day when my WS does not welcome my affection, I believe it is hurting him again and again - even though he is pushing me away. And I know it is pushing him towards OW. This has kept me from trying to be more affectionate ---- so it is a no win situation. That is what is driving me crazy. Every single day he is here and I cannot show my affection for him and so I don't. Except for cooking meals and doing laundry and trying to be pleasant - he refuses to talk about things and is lost - and I mean lost. He is a moral, upright man who has fallen and doesn't know what to do - and I see that every day - and know if I had not been living in disobedience to God, this would not have happened - and I cannot cannot cannot see anything but horrible consequences coming that I am powerless to stop. Please pray for me and give me ideas - and do any of you on this thread use the Plan A and the Plan B from here and / or other resources from here or all you all doing the marriage restoration "method" (what I did for a year and a half with disastrous results for myself).

To Gentle - I hope you are thankful to have a supervisor who will let you "take time off" - that is a remarkable situation to have at any job. I am in one with no - zero - tolerance for such needs. Everybody gets upset and angry at times - it goes with the territory - especially now. You are certainly on the right track to get back in God's Word - somewhere I need to go also - but since my lowest ebb have not wanted to do.

Hi Guys,
What a great thread idea. Brief history. Wife and I are both Christians. Seperated twice before d-day. Last Seperation June 2001, she filed October 2001. Divorce final October 2002. I drank alot, as did she, father-in law overly active in our marriage. I was on and off different meds. Doctors suspected bi-polar, but wasnt diagnosis until October of last year. Meds have been great. We are both actively serving the Lord, however, no plans for reconciliation thus far. We do things occasionally as a family, however, it tends to be on the weekends she has the kids. It is almost as if we are married, just living in seperate houses - this irratates my parents to no ends. They too are Christians, but feel as if its a cake and eat it too situation. They want reconciliation, but feel as if no one is stepping out in faith and doing what we both know what God wants, reconciliation. This past weekend, we were talking about me finding a job. She said she felt God was leading her to stay home and she wished I made enough so she could. I told her I was looking at some jobs out of state that paid well and that was a possibility. She said, "I'll move!". My heart lept. A few days later, I called her and said, hey lets go have some coffee and talk about the kids and my upcoming career decisions (nothing was said about reconciling, etc). Just wanted to talk about what God was doing in our lives, etc. She agreed and said she would get back to me. She did and backed out saying "I dont want to do anything with you". I said, "okay, not a problem, but we do need to talk about my job" as what I take will affect the kids. She said "I cant expect you to have the resources to do what I need". She then said, rather flippantly, "If you have to leave, I guess you will just be gone". I was shocked. How does one go between these extremes. However, I am in the fight and will fight for my marriage until I draw my last breath. I am glad you guys started this thread. Any ideas on why there is this back and forth. I know God is at work, therefore the old devil is as well.

God Bless

^bump^

A member here, TrustingHim, started a fourm on his
web site for standers. It is new and just beginning but it would be a good place to support one another and learn more about God's word.

www.jehovah-rophe.com

gentle

Healedwounds,

I am sorry about no responses, but I just got to read your post. It would help if you used paragraphs. My eyes are not so good for reading now and I get lost when the text is so long.

Anyway, glad you are here. I noticed you posted on the new forum also. Register your name and log in and your nickname will show up on post. I recognized your post from here.

Your wife keeps going back and forwars because satan is doing his best to confuse her. He will keep trying, he comes to kill steal and destory. Don't let him, don't give up.

Keep working on you and growing closer to God. It takes time. Have you been to this site www.restorem.org ? This is were I learned about what was going on in my marriage. This is were I learned what the battle for my marriage was all about and how to fight this battle.

gentle

Prayers Please!!!

I am learning to "let go". (and finding it a bit difficult at times)

I will be seeing my H tonight. He is coming over to pick up most of stuff. I am nervous, since I haven't seen him in MONTHS! Just keep me in your prayers. Thanks.

God Bless!!!

H98

hopeful98--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Prayers Please!!!

I am learning to "let go". (and finding it a bit difficult at times)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're there. Hope all goes or went well.

God Bless

Thanks Trusting Her

It did go well. He came, was shocked at how much stuff I was giving him and proceeded to leave after thanking me. Then he stopped, turned back and started a conversation about my car. We stood outside for about 7 minutes chatting. It was good. We laughed and were just really nice with each other. He should be back for more stuff soon (or whenever he calls). But God was good and gave me lots of strength. I pray that God will give me opportunities to be with him or chat again. But, whatever His plans are, let it be.

Thanks for your prayers!!

H98

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 02:04 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Hi All:

I am first timer to this thread. As my name implies, I am a stander (in Finland). However, my way is crooked. While in my heart I am still standing, I have developed and am continuing a relationship with another woman. We have not made a formal commitment to one another, but I must admit that we have certainly exchanged deep feelings and yes, we have been intimate. Perhaps the reason I have let this relationship continue is that I have been hoping that somehow the word would get out to my X and this knowledge would serve to bring her back from her own OM. She has been with this OM wsince June 2002, although she is the first to admit that their relationship really has no future. I know that I am being very unfair to my woman friend. I have though made it clear to her where my heart still lies and she still desires to be together with me.

I guess you could say that I need a real straightening out. I do want to walk on one straight path towards reconciliation, but find it to be a very lonely one. I also wonder if I am more attractive in my x-wife`s if she realizes there is a risk of losing me to someone else.

Please help with some comments. My history is in my signature line. Many posts also in the divorced/divorcing section.

Standing in Finland and feeling ratty

Standing,

To me "standing" means standing with God for the restoration of my marriage. I believe God is the only one that can restore a marriage as it should be. It is the only standing that makes sense to me.

So with that said, If you are standing with God then you are double minded. You are seeking restoration and dating someone at the same time.

Also, if you are hoping this relationship is making your wife jealous then you are not trusting God. You have put your trust in yourself. Besides love is not jealous.

Do you have a marriage restoration ministry you belong to? The ones I know about that use the word standing are Christian based and would tell you the same things. Yes, it can be lonely while your spouse is gone. Mine left four years ago this coming January. Praise God we are not divorce and he is here most always now. He is still a little cautious. God puts us in situations were we are alone sometimes so we can be alone with Him. This time of your wife being gone is to be used drawing near to God.

If you are not trusting God to restore your marriage then I am not sure why you are standing. Standing is based on the scripture that tells us to stand in the gap for someone or for our marriages. I know this works and have not witnessed anything else that works for long.

gentle

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 02:05 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

I admit often its llike i try to take my situaion into my own accord,,, like maybe doupting our Father.
But,
I'm still STANDING!

stever

It has been quite a while since I've been on these boards & was a nice surprise to find this thread!

I havn't read the entire thread yet - things have been crazy at my house lately. Even though I was the one who filed for a legal separation ( for financial protection against the ravanges of drugs and alcohol) I still stand for my marriage. In Florida supposedly there is not a legal separation but my attorney figured out a way to do it - hopefully the judge agrees.

Just wanted to say "HI" for now

Blessings,

D.

I am so glad to hear about other standers. I've been standing for three years now and my wife is now married to the OM. I keep my ring on to remind me of God's promises for my marriage.

I am new to this whole standing thing. My wife told me she didn't love me anymore, and that she didn't respect me anymore about 2 weeks ago. She went on to add that she wanted a divorce. This was the first time in our marriage that the D word was even mentioned, and I have already moved out. The hurt I have experienced since that time has been tremendous. Every day I try to understand why she is unwilling to work on our marriage, but all it does is add to my confusion. Her and I are still on good terms, and we never had any kind of shouting match from that point on. Every once in a while she will let slip that she just needs time, but other times she calls me to ask what X-mas decorations are mine, and when I can pick up the rest of my stuff. I know that this rollercoaster of emotions has just begun for me, but with every waking moment I feel as though a piece of my love for her has blackened and become a mixture of both regret and, to some degree, hate.

It is difficult to love someone who has said the things she has said to me, and given up on our marriage without any efforts at counselling, MB, or anything else. At this point I wonder what good re-entering this marriage would be if she is going to give up so easily and not be willing to work on things. I have patience, and there is still a majority of me that feels that what we had is still worth fighting for, but that majority is waining fast. I just want to get as far away from what is hurting me as fast as possible.

<small>[ December 07, 2003, 01:03 AM: Message edited by: jay_is_trying_hard ]</small>

WillGetThruThis, TimeHeals, jay_is_trying_hard,

Sorry you didn't get any replies sooner. I'm sorry for what each of you are going thru but I'm glad you are here and "STANDING" with God for you marriages. You will find many good people here that are standing as well and will give encouragement. Keep posting here and hopefully we can lean on each other for comfort and prayers.

Two other sites that have helped me out ALOT in my "STAND" are the following... www.restorem.org. and www.rejoiceministries.org. Check them out! God gave them to me and I know can be helpful to many others.

God bless you and give you all strength for you Stand.

H98

hopeful,

Thanks for the reply. I get emails daily from Rejoice Ministries and that has kept me going. My WH left in March of 99 so it's been a while. Someone told me all in God's time AND HE DOESN'T WEAR A WATCH !!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
D.