Ever since I filed for divorce, my life keeps getting stranger.

His initial reaction was anger. I suggested to him that we remain civil, and told him that divorce is not always a war amongst enemies. I encouraged him to spend time here with me and the kids because I believe the kids react positively to us acting good to each other and them.

Since then, we do things together and he does things for us around the house and all. We talk to each other and we are getting along really well.

To make a long story short we talked today and we both agree that we are better people when we are not living together and we should proceed with the divorce. BUT we totally miss each other and care very much for each other.

Sooooo......
he came over tonight after the kids were in bed.
We agreed that we would rather be with each other in this way then with anyone else. He left afterwards as agreed upon earlier. I kind of left it as an open invitation. I don't regret this, but it just seems really strange to me.

I said to him that I don't think us being loving is wrong at all, that us fighting and hurting each other was wrong, but not love, it doesn't matter what document is between us marriage licence or divorce creed. And if this is what it takes to be loving, so be it.

Is this strange, normal or what?

All comments welcome.

<small>[ November 10, 2003, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: Wildflower67 ]</small>

wildflower,
i know exactly what you mean. me and my h were not getting along so we seperated. after he moved out i found out he had cheated on me. when i made the choice not to talk to him unless it was about the kids he got mad. but when he broke up with ow he has been really nice to me so we have been getting along great. we have also made the arangement of being with each other. im like you i just cant see being with someone other then my h even though we are getting divorced. we have a better relationship now then when we lived together. it is kind of strange but you are not the only one in that situation. i say go with the flow, and have fun.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by i'll make it:
...but when he broke up with ow he has been really nice to me so we have been getting along great[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My (X)H didn't break up with OW but became nice to me and "wants me back", to try again, inviting me for weekends away...
I told him - it's high time to commit to a woman and he should'n cheat on her...
(I know, I'm a 'weirdo'...)

Wildflower, I don't think it's strange. I think it's unconventional, but heck, conventional doesn't always work.

As long as the children are protected, and you and your husband have the same expectations, all should be good.

I think this is one of those "talking" problems. You and he need to talk through this several times until you know the rules and the expectations. For instance, can you date others? Do plans with friends need to be consented to? Can he come into the house whenever he feels? Can you page him at 3:15 am? What will the financial contributions look like? And what will happen if it stops working for either one of you? Another issue is how do you explain this to the children in such a way that they can understand it and explain it to their friends and friends' parents.

Once you two come to an agreement or understanding, I think it's great. You may lose the marriage but save the relationship. Not a bad bargain.

Hope you're doing well.

I'll Make It - Thanks for your reply. I'm happy to know that other people have similar arrangements. Best of luck to you and your stbxh. I agree with greengables that it's not so strange but unconventional. I like that better then strange. lol

Belonging to Nowhere - I don't think your a weirdo, it is a good thing to be commited to one person, but it isn't always that way for people. Sorry for the pain your going through.

Greengables- Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I totally agree and have been thinking that my h and I really do need to talk more in depth about our expectations. That is the only thing that I fear in this arrangement is that we think we're on the same page and then find out we're not. I definetely want to talk with him before this continues too long. Just in case our views become clear that it should stop, it won't be so hard as it would be further down the road.