(I didn't see a forum for "kids" wasn't sure where to post)<BR>My new husband seems to have a problem with my children. <BR>He is very "nice" in front of me, but when I leave the room<BR>he starts chewing them out, the kids used to complain to me<BR>about it and I "wrote it off" as just discipline, but I've <BR>caught him at it several times lately. I don't like the <BR>fact that he waits for me to be "out of earshot" and then <BR>starts in on them. I have two children (10 and 15) and he picks one of <BR>them at a time, as soon as the one he's picking on starts to<BR>"kiss up", he says they are the perfect child and starts to <BR>pick on the other one, using the "good" one as an example. He<BR>also keeps telling them how perfect he was as a child and<BR>how he never would do whatever it is they are doing (such as<BR>eating in the frontroom, he himself is allowed to do that, as<BR>a matter of fact, he won't eat at the table with us, but he<BR>tells me I am wrong because I want to treat everyone in the<BR>family equally.) My question is, my mom says that verbal nastiness<BR>isn't as damaging as physical abuse and "at least" I have a<BR>good husband who doen't beat my kids. Is verbal as bad as<BR>physical? I think so. My dad constantly put me down and I<BR>have always been easily taken advantage of because of it, all <BR>they have to do is say "whatever" is my fault and I try to fix it.<BR>I don't want my kids done that way. What do you folks think?

YES! Verbal abuse is destructive and just that..ABUSE.<P>Your H is manipulating your kids. He must know he is hurting you in this way. <P>You remember how your Dad made you feel. I come from a great family but my Mom (well, let's just say when H and I went for marriage counselling for 20 sessions, I told C we could spend another 20 on me talking about mom ) <P>I found the courage to confront her a few months ago and she doesn't remember but I sure did for years..she had this silly expression she called me ("you dumb article") whenever I upset her which despite my hardest efforts to be perfect I seemed to do alot.<P>I really have to work on my ownself knowing verbal abuse is deadly. I have had to resolve my guilt through therapy for being way too hard on my firstborn daughter and still have to "edit" the "tapes" that play automatically...it's gettng better.<P>So if your H is willing to go to counselling (which I suspect he won't be), go for it. Lay it on the line with him that he is making for an unhappy and unhealthy home with this evil game. You don't have to lose this marriage if he is willing to change. It won't be easy for him as he has imbedded tapes of his own from his past. <P>Your Mom is right. I hope we can be supportive and helpful here at MB.<P>All the best to you.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Thank you so much, I'll try to get him to councelling, but doubt if he'll go, probably say it's my problem so I should go by myself. Thanks again.

Bumping your post. I will see if I can't find that cycles of domestic post myself for you.<P>Hon, please know it is NOT your fault, he has made it your problem but it is definitely not your fault. If you have any fear for your safety and the kids, make arrangements asap. He won't like your going to counselling but yes, go for you. <P>You can be free. I hope he will wake up and see the Light but if he doesn't, you and your kids can have a better life together.<P>Praying for your safety. Did you notice Nynavey's post last night that was nearly the same as yours? No coincidence if you ask me. <P>Hugs,<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start