As in my case.......Im avoiding all the mistakes I made in my first marriage. I learned alot about what to do and what NOT to do in order to maintain a healthy relationship. I loved my first wife, but it seems as though the love for my current wife is so much deeper. Maybe its because I am IN this relationship now and dont truly remember the depth of my past love, or as I would be more inclined to believe.......I AM more in love with my new wife, since we get along better and enjoy each others company completely. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry I've been so slow to get back here and write a reply. Desperado, my only advice is, if you haven't done so already, take some time to read the information on the MB website (check out the MB principles). This one line in your post on your thread called out to me though: "All I ever wanted out of life was my family and I'm scared I can't have that with anyone else." Don't ever stay with someone only because of fear. Stay with them because you truly want to be with them because the two of you have a relationship that consists of mutual respect, understanding, and an ability to be good friends with each other. I seriously probably clung to the notion of reconciling with my H for so long b/c I too had trouble imagining ever having a family with someone else. But if it's meant to be for me to have a family, God will help me find the right person to have one with.

healedwounds: Thanks for sharing your story, and how you've been since things ended. I very much agree with your final statement, "One thing to consider is taking some time and telling yourself that your marriage mattered, your love mattered and that this brokenness matters. Let it out and acknowledge that something wonderful has been damaged and it MATTERS - to you and your husband. So many times we push it aside, say it doesnt matter, and try and move on. We cant until we admitt that it was important and grieve over it."
That grieving may also take years to get through, that's for sure.

TMCM: I sometimes wonder if what I had with my H was truly love, healthy love too.

adgirl: Your comment about why love can be lovelier the 2nd time around makes a lot of sense. The second time, after having lost someone we love, we know enough to truly appreciate the other person, and actively choose to show them love, not just be with them. It gives me some optimism about finding someone else someday down the road.

Want to have a laugh? My H actually invited me out to dinner tonight (after all my refusals to go and sleep over at his place, and telling him that if he ever wanted to get together and do something else I'd be up for it, wow). I went. It was okay. But the man I was once married to has changed so much...it sort of solidified for me that I don't feel the same strong love for him that I once did. My love bank has been drained a great deal. Oh, and the divorce proceedings are going ahead, as he's agreed to my terms. Things between us are completely amicable, but there's also a huge distance between us now. The trust we once shared is the main cause of that distance I must say.

Jen

Jen,
If there was one thing I found during this time, is that it is so very important to focus on one's self. Not in a selfish way, rather, an introspective one. It may be a bit early to be thinking about your second love. I, too, began thinking about the next love only to find that after much time, thought and prayer, that what brought me alive, what really made me surge with vitality was a life with my wife. Please understand it was not a need to have her, but rather I have never loved someone as I loved and love her. For so very long, I felt I needed her to give me strength, when all along I should have been offering my strength TO her. If you love your husband as you say you do, take time to fix you and determine what makes you come alive. What are the desires of your heart. Then fight for those desires with everything you have. If it is repairing your relationship with your husband, then fight for it. I believe we were all created for adventure, uncertainty. Dont worry about the "how" just ask "what makes me feel alive". All too often we worry about the "how", because we arent willing to step out in faith and take risks. What a horrible way to live. We tend to want it all mapped out, 1-2-3. I have learned through experience that we only mature and live when we step out and fight and dont worry about the how. I found my heart over the last 2.5 years and I know what brings me to life. My love of my wife and children, and I will fight for that until I take my last breath. I am pulling for you.