After six sessions with mediator, we should soon finalize it.

I already insisted that 12 hours before taking our son and all the time during visitations (every second weekend) – no alcohol consuming.
Also, that I have to have phone number of the house where they might stay during those weekends/holidays (his cell is not reachable always…)
(These two items he doesn't accept, but I said withoput that I'm not going to sign anything...)

Please, from your knowledge and experience, what else could I put in Agreement to protect my son (and myself too)?

Thanks!

Hi

Apart from what you have said above, you might need to make sure that your visitation papers state the things I have listed below:

Specific times and days of pick-ups and drop offs,

Christmas and holiday visitation times - and what specifically is going to happen this time, and each subsequent year,

Mothers Day/Fathers day rights

No out of state and international travel for visitation, if you need that, (I have a three hour drive's distance limit on mine)

Telephone call schedule,

Who will be responsible for the cost of travelling for the visitation,

AND you may need to stipulate WHO is going to pick them up/drop off. I didn't have this in writing, and now my X wants me to put three kids under 10 in a taxi for a 50 minute ride across the city so it makes it easy for him to get them from where he now lives <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

That's all I can think of right now....

Love and light,

Jacky

Hi Jacky!
That's helpful!!

We'll live in the same county and I suppose he'll be picking up and dropping off our son - that's good idea to have it in writing!

Christmas and holiday visitation times... also will have to write down the time...

Mothers Day/Fathers day rights - what do you mean?

Out of state and international travel - I already got that I'd have our son passport with me and only if I agree X will take him somewhere out of country...
This is a great idea to have in writing - three hour drive's distance limit on mine!!!

Telephone call schedule... we said 1-2 times per day and whenever our son wants to call him (in the future - he's two and not feasible now... although when he mention him and I see he misses his dad, I dial and give the receiver to him... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

(I see we won't finalize it so soon... I feel some things I still need to include...)

Love and light too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Belonging to Nowhere--

It was my wife who filed for divorce but following is what I had to have to allow an uncontested divorce. It may help a little. I will say that even with this and a somewhat cordial relationship with her that there are times that she still trys to manipulate less time and phone calls.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CHILD CUSTODY
Joint or shared legal custody
Decision-making
Agreement to consult regarding decisions affecting the children
The parties agree to consult with each other regarding major decisions affecting the children. The requirement of consultation means that HUSBAND shall have meaningful input into decisions affecting the children before final decisions are made. In the event that an agreement cannot be reached, WIFE shall have final authority on the decision [unless a court determines otherwise].
Emergency decisions
It is understood that some decisions must be made on an emergency or urgent basis and in such an event, each of the parties acknowledges full confidence in the other's ability to make a unilateral decision for the children's welfare, which otherwise would be a joint decision of the parties. When a unilateral decision on a significant matter is made, the party making that decision shall promptly notify the other party.
Visitation/time with child
WIFE shall have custody of the minor children of the parties, and HUSBAND shall have reasonable rights of visitation, which shall include:
(a) Alternate weekends from Friday at 6:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M. Sunday.
(b) One night each week.
(c) One week of the children's winter vacation; provided, however, that the one-week visitation shall include Christmas Day in the even-numbered years and December 24 in the odd-numbered years. The custodial parent shall have the children on Christmas Day in the odd-numbered years and on December 24 in the even-numbered years. If possible, the vacation schedule should be divided equally so that the children spend the last half of vacation with the parent they are spending Christmas with that year, and the first half of vacation with the other parent. The parent with whom the children spend Christmas Day shall also have the children on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.
(d) The first four days of the children's spring vacation in odd-numbered years, and the last four days [or second half] of the children's spring vacation in even-numbered years.
(e) In odd-numbered years Thanksgiving weekend from 6 P.M. on Wednesday to 6 P.M. on Sunday. In even-numbered years, the custodial parent shall have the children with her for Thanksgiving weekend, notwithstanding the normal weekend visitation schedule. If Thanksgiving weekend falls on a weekend of normal visitation, another weekend near Thanksgiving, during which the children normally would be with the custodial parent, shall be substituted as a weekend of visitation.
(f) Father's Day from 6 P.M. Friday until 6:00 P.M. Sunday, regardless of normal weekend visitation schedule. The children shall be with the custodial parent from 6 P.M. Friday until 6:00 P.M. on Mother's Day, regardless of the normal weekend visitation schedule.
(g) Thirty days in the summer.
(h) And at any other time the parties can agree which do not interfere with the health, education and welfare of the children with 24 hours advance notice of either party.
Special family events
Each parent shall allow the other parent to have the children with him or her for special family events, such as weddings, funerals, reunions, and major anniversaries and birthdays (e.g., a grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary or 50th birthday). The parent seeking to have the children with him or her for the special event shall provide as much advance notice as possible to the other parent. If such an event falls on a weekend when the children normally would not be with the parent who wishes to take them to the special event, the parents shall attempt to switch weekends.
Special school holidays
HUSBAND shall have the right to have the children with him on half of those days in the school year when classes are not held because of teacher training workshops or teacher conferences with parents. WIFE shall notify HUSBAND when those days will occur and HUSBAND shall give WIFE advance notice of whether he will be with the children on those days.
Relocation
Anticipated and allowed
In the event that WIFE shall remove the children to a location more than 500 miles from the children's present residence, WIFE shall be responsible for arranging and paying for the transportation of the children for purposes of visitation with HUSBAND. Travel shall be by air, and arrangements shall be made not less than 30 days prior to the date of the children's anticipated departure from the residence of WIFE. WIFE shall provide to HUSBAND the paid airline ticket for the return of the children after the period of visitation. WIFE shall be responsible for placing the children upon the designated aircraft, and HUSBAND shall be responsible for picking the children up at the destination. [The child shall not be booked on flights that require a change of planes, and flights shall be nonstop whenever reasonably possible.] If more than one airport serves the area where HUSBAND is to pick up the children, HUSBAND shall have the right to designate the particular airport in that area.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

This might help... my girlfriend's x has visitation specified as 1x per month on a weekend and then only supervised. He has to give her 2 weeks advance notice. Because it's supervised, she has to be there, which means it occurs around her schedule. If he doesn't give 2 weeks, then she doesn't have to let him see the child.

The interesting problem, that in hindsight, she's wishing she had corrected was more clear language defining what a weekend is: Is it 2 hours each day? Is it Fri through Sun? And, where it's around her work schedule and supervised, it would have been nice to more clearly state that his visitation would have to occur around her schedule and that she would make good faith efforts to accomodate his schedule, but oh well. If she works from 8 to 6 each day (and she does) and their daughter goes to sleep at 7:30... then he has 1.5 hours of opportunity to see her period.

She's also wishing she had put a clause in there that states that if he isn't making child support payments on time and in the proper amounts and paying arrears as ordered by the courts that he has no visitation rights... until the entire account is brought current.

Good luck.

I'm also strongly for a clause which states that neither parent should have members of the opposite sex spend the night while they have the children there.

Guys, thanks a lot!!!

I'll print this and read at home... too busy day at work today... will answer tomorrow to all...


THANK YOU!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Trusting Her:
...there are times that she still trys to manipulate less time and phone calls.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll really try to never be 'between them', but I understand your wife as well... it is hard... mother's 'duty' to be (over?)worried... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

In my case, it is so hard to distinguish my own (negative) opinion about him and his behavior when he'll be with our son... I still try though...


Luxa, I could have some ground for supervised visitations, but simply I cannot do that to them... (My X will never put in danger our son INTENTIONALLY...) That's why I try with these stipulations making a safe environment for my son while his time with his dad...


Dobie, it's a great idea, but... what if his dad begin to LIVE with OW?...
(I suggested to my X to meet with her (he still denies <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ), to see what kind of person 'tomorrow' will be with my kid as well, during those weekends... I thought if she's a reasonable and normal one, my worries would be fewer... He thought it was to control him... never ever he'd understand my feelings...)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Dobie, it's a great idea, but... what if his dad begin to LIVE with OW?... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is EXACTLY why you want this clause. So your child is not exposed to one or more live-in partners in the future. If he wants visitation and he's living with OW, one of them can find an alternate place to stay during that time.

I get your point... and think he'd never accept it... I don't know even if he'll accept to give me phone # of the place they might sleep during his weekends with our son (I'won't give in for this, that's for sure)... even I said he'd know where we'll be during my weekends.....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'd be curious to see what excuse he'd have for not going accepting that clause. Does he think it's healthy for a child to see a parent cohabitating? Does he think it'd be ok for you to do it?

I think that wanting POJA during divorce is beyond MB guidelines. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

He's an older guy; won't need it every weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Of course he wouldn't like me to do the same... (although he must know me so far - even if I had someone else now, it'd take ages (of knowing him) to allow him to sleep in the house where my son lives...)

Excuse? 'It's his life and his son has to accept it'...