Reported by some doctor somewhere:

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later I heard her reporting to the rest of the family, saying he had died of a "massive internal fart."

(I am not a doctor and I do not portray one in any part of my daily life - unless it is my recurring role as Doctor Mom.)

<small>[ November 12, 2003, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Here's something cute I got in my e-mail:

WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

What do you expect from such simple creatures!?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can do your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.


No wonder men are happier!

And another...

Subject: Tide Detergent

People never remember to write in about the good things a product does, always the bad! So this is very refreshing!!


Dear Tide,


I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive the blouse was. Well, one thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stains out using the bargain brand detergent my cheap husband bought, but they just wouldn't come out. I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative,
and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the forensic DNA tests were all negative!

I thank you, once again, for a great product!

Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,
Recently Widowed

Heh heh heh...

I have heard alot of misunderstandings about what I had just told my patients. It really makes me wonder sometimes just WHAT people actually hear when I am speaking to them. They nod their head and purse their lips, so I assume that they are understanding...

But now I am not so sure...