My WW told me she is going to file for Dv on Monday. She said she's ready to "start her life over" (with OM, no doubt). I had not planned on tell our sons (9&5) until every thing was a "done deal". Unfortunatly, when I picked our boys up for their visit from our third parties house, the first words out of my oldests mouth was "Hi Dad, we really need to talk about this whole big divorce thing". My son said she had told him 4 days earlier, I was motified. Even though I'm still in Plan B, the WW and I had exchanged 2-3 emails earlier yesterday, to iron out the details of what needed to happen before she could file (paperwork, filing fee, etc.), and she didn't have the curtescy to tell me she had already told the kids (what a B****). Not only that, she made sure she burned the bridge completely down by telling them the divorce is "final and perminant and she's not changing her mind".

About this time, my oldest tells me he has a lot of concernes about the Dv and OM (he doesn't know they had an A, he thinks they are good friends that spend alot of time together at her place). He feels like his mother is hiding things from him, keeping secrets from him and won't talk to him (imagine that). He tried to talk to her a couple of times, but was told to just be quite. He says sometimes he wants to yell at OM to "just go home...You have your own house"!

Against my better judgement, I sent the WW a semi-blasing and sarcastic email thanking her for "Thinking about the best interest of the kids (NOT)", and "I'll remember the sensitiveity you showed when the boys ask me latter in life why we got Dv".

This is getting easier by the day it seems. She is pi**ing me off so bad, her LB account is dwindeling fast. Her parents are beside themselves with grief, disappointment and ammazement at how their daughter is behaving. She has talked to them once since I exposed the A to them over 2 weeks ago, and all she told them was "she had to follow her heart", no other explanation or details. How romantic....NOT.

Her parents agree that, one of these days, she is going to wake up and realize what she has done, and will have to find a way to live with herself. They also can't understand why she is being so destructive, insensitive and self-centered emotoinally, around the kids. When she does finally start talking to her parents again, I'm sure it won't be pretty. She better wake up soon..."'Cause this ship is about to sail".

Done venting....Thanks!

Seems the one boy is waking up to the destruction of the unite he had. He is one unhappy young boy and trying to put the ends together, but the ends will not mesh. I would suggest you get the boys in counseing, and yourself in counseling. Your wife seems to have the foggy syndrome, and is going to continue on her path to destructive outcome.

Do plan B, and have the kids with you, and just take care of yourself and the kids.

If you want the divorce, that is your decision. If you want to reconstruct the marriage, that is your decision. Remember God hate divorce, and one day your wife will see the mistake she made.

Divorce is hard on everyone. The kids hurt just as bad as the parents. I know, I have 4 kids 17-25 and they all are hurting. The outcome is not pleasant, and there are so many painful memories for all of us. I didn't want the divorce, but my husband did. So I let him go, and it has been one ugly divorce, which is final.

Moving on is hard. One thing it is easier for a man to move on, than a woman. A woman has status in the employment of getting less pay of equal job. Women also are taken by male businessmen thinking that women don't know much about electronics, furnaces, plumbing and etc. Which many of us don't. Therefore women are used and taken of $$.

You are a good father and a good man. You seem to have your head going in the right direction, just hard when everything is falling in front of your eyes. Get counseling for you and the boys. Would be nice if the wife wanted counseling too. Could try, she can only say NO!

Things have taken a strange change.

While my S was talking to his grandmother (W's Mom), I overheard him talking about his mother and them moving to a new house. What the #$%@??That was something that my WW hadn't mentioned (I wonder why). That is why she wants the Dv over so fast, so she and OM can shack up and make things look more legit.

Well my oldest(9) told his mother that he didn't want to live there with her and OM, he feels too uncomfortable, so he is going to move back with me over T-day weekend. My WW said she wants him to be happy, and won't stand in his way. I think see realizes that a disgruntailed kid would just add stress to her and OM's R. Either way, I'll be happy to have him back. Maybe my WW will start to see that I'm not the only one that sees the mistake/pain see is doing. Maybe I'm not full [censored] after all.

Hangon, I know this isn't a popular opinion, but you may want to consider telling your S the truth about your W and OM. He is bound to find out anyway and it seems he already has an incling somthing's not right. If you do just remember to stick to the facts (not the truth which is muddled by your opinions), just the facts of what happened and how it affected your M. Facing you and her parents with the reality of what she has done is one thing, but her children.....may throw a dose of reality into her face. Again, not a popular opinion, but it is mine as well as the recommendation I was given by my coach. Good luck.

MTD

MTD-Thanks for your words.

I have considered that option, but I'm not sure if it would do more harm than good. I would love to give my WW another reality check, but don't want my S to hate her at the same time.

Did you tell your kids? If so, how did they take it, and what was the result?? Obviously since your sig line says reconciled (I'm happy for you), you were able to work things out. My WW is getting awfully close to burning all of her bridges with me. Thanks again!

Hangnon: I did post under the assumption that you were still trying to save the M. Don't know if that's the case. No, I did't tell mine. On the day I was going to, the same day I was to deliver my PlB letter, we reconciled. I was going to have to explain why Mom and Dad were not talking to eachother any more. Fortunately that never came. But, in either case, your son sounds like a perceptive kid and it probably won't take him long to really figure it out anyway. It will either come from you or the W. That's up to you. Either way it will come out. It always does. It depends on how you best think your S would handle receiving this info.

MTD

Yes, I am still trying to save the M, but I don't know how far I can go down this road before there is no looking back. I came from a Dv family, maybe thats why I want to save my M so badly. But, I can say from experince that it is (almost)every childs dream that their Dv parents would get back together. I don't know if I could risk putting myself and the kids through a reconciliation attempt after a Dv. I think the potential for even greater pain and suffering may be too great.

My WW called tonight to talk about moving our son over here. While we were talking about the holiday visitation schedule, she said she didn't want to selfish, and that is is finally happy. I wanted to LB and say "Gee, I wish I was!", but didn't. She is still pretty deep in the fog, and it is painful to listen to her. Even though I'm technically in Plan B, we have talked on the twice in the las week to discuss the children, paticularly my oldests decision to move away from her. For the most part I am staying fairly dark. But I can tell she is trying make me feel at ease with everything. Sorry, I am not okay with any of this, especially my kids being around OM.

I almost wish her and OM would just shack-up for a while without getting Dv. That way if (when) their R falls apart, if she wanted to reconcile, I think it would be easier for me to deal with.

I talked to my attorney yesterday, and told him that we needed to resrtucture the custody/child support clauses in our sep agreement.

My WW wasn't very happy with the child support changes (which are in line with our states guidelines). I think she was was hoping to just divide what I was paying for both kids in half, and call it good. She didn't realize that she has a financial obligation to the child in my custody. This is going to be a bigger financial bite than she was expecting.

I hope she doesn't try extra hard to talk my son out of moving, or worse, just tell him he can't. When I talked to him yesterday, he was still excited about moving back with me.

WW has also moved up her moving timetable. Her and OM are going to be moving in together next weekend (into a new rental).