As much as I thought about not doing it, I finally agreed to a paternity test. I don't know that I am prepared for the news one way or the other... I've just been trying not to think about it. It's been suggested to me numerous times by various people close to me over the last year. It wasn't until the legal side of things started that I even questioned it.

Those I know are suprised that I never questioned the baby being mine since I had a vasectomy 4 years ago, and we were separated when the conception occurred. I love this little man and have since the time he was conceived. The other side of me daydreams about the test excluding me so that I can be done with crazy #@*! I feel ashamed to think this way... I would be much easier to detach knowing that she (we) had someone else's child.

Anyhow, it's been two months and counting since I've seen my 8 month old son... Either this is just a painful trial, or a blessing in disguise...

Regardless of the outcome, you may still be required by court to pay for the little guy whether or not he's your biological child, since you've established a pattern of support.

w/o clue

Why in the world did you ever get this DNA test done? The best you can hope for in my home state is headaches and heartaches. My grandfather use to say that any darn fool knows who his mother is, but few really know who their father is. It is something we have taken on faith for the last six thousand years or so.

We have a tendency in divorce to think in terms of my rights vs spouse's rights. What we leave out of the equation is the child's rights. And they are most important of all. In Pennsylvania, the husband is the legal father of any child born of a marriage. Separation doesn't mean a thing, vas sectomy doesn't mean a thing. DNA tests don't mean a thing. You're married, a child is born, its yours.

I suggest you remember that you are attached to this little guy. Any jerk can be a sperm donor, it takes a special man to be a Dad. When the DNA tests come, I'd recommend that you not open the envelop, just burn it, and don't ask questions you really don't want to know the answer to.

Be a Dad to the little man, love him, and start thinking about defending your parental rights. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

If anyone suggests that you are not the little guys Dad, well, you nearly have a right to give him a good swift kick in the lucky charms.

Hmm. I don’t know. Sometimes, just knowing is important. Remember “The truth shall set you free.” I have a feeling W/O a Clue will use whatever freedom he gets from the truth to the good. If he’s the bio. dad, it may give him more leverage with the judge and with his X. If he is not the dad, he can come to terms with his X’s transgression and learn to see this son as a gift given to him when he no longer could genetically create a son. For the Divine will bring good forth from evil.

One danger could be if someone else could claim the child now or later. Or if the mother years later could tell the child, “Well, he’s not your real father anyway.” Wouldn’t it be better to be able to respond, “Junior, I knew all along that for some weird reason, our DNA didn’t match. But, being a family is about more than DNA. You are mine and I am yours.”

And if the child is W/O a Clue’s, then he’ll never have to worry about the scene above.

One thing, W/O a Clue, assuming you will continue your role as father, I suggest you request to seal the court documents if they aren’t automatically sealed. And tell no one the result of the test. You can answer the questions honestly “I’m his dad.”

I will go as far as to say does the child deserve to know who his Bio. Dad is? Or does he deserve to be lied to the rest of his life?

Tough questions and a tough decision. I pray that God will give you insight, clarity and discernment with this issue.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong> I will go as far as to say does the child deserve to know who his Bio. Dad is? Or does he deserve to be lied to the rest of his life?

Tough questions and a tough decision. I pray that God will give you insight, clarity and discernment with this issue. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Eduard,
This is a very important question. Sooner or later the child and/or parent might find out during a medical procedure.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong> I will go as far as to say does the child deserve to know who his Bio. Dad is? Or does he deserve to be lied to the rest of his life?

Tough questions and a tough decision. I pray that God will give you insight, clarity and discernment with this issue. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Eduard,
This is a very important question. Sooner or later the child and/or parent might find out during a medical procedure.

bottom line is it makes no difference what the adults think, no one, and I mean no one, has the right to decide someone elses destiny. This boy will only be a child a short time, and he has an absolute right to know who his biological parents are.... and his caretakers have an absolute obligation to do everything in their power to be sure he knows the facts...when, might be a little debateable, but cetainly no later than puberty, and IMO the sooner the better, maybe 5-7 yo. It is monstrous to even contemplate keeping such a secret from a human being, for so many reasons it boggles my mind anyone would even consider such a deception. Absolutely in any case where doubt exist, a DNA test should be performed to make the facts known.

I don't know a single human being, who would willingly allow themselves to be decieved this way....everyone of us wants to know who our bio parents are, the genetic circumstances of our existence, and rightly so.

<small>[ November 20, 2003, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

Ooops. I didn't mean not to tell the son. I meant interfering others. There are lots of good reasons why the son should know at some point. No different than being adopted.

I still think the court docs should be sealed. Maybe I'm just paranoid. But, it seems you don't necessarily want this to be easily accessible information.