Today my husband has an appointment to talk to a lawyer. He told me about this last Sunday. I wasn't prepared for the way my stomach dropped down to my feet. He says he may or may not hire him. I am trying not to take it personally, after all I'm the one who filed.

If I think of it as a "business deal" then it hurts less, although it's a bad business decision on his part. Emotionally though, well, I flipped out when he mentioned it. Chalk half of that reaction to my PMS, but it was a Love Buster for sure. Except we talked on the phone for two hours which ended with him bringing pizza over, and a movie and sleepover.

I am wondering now if our continued relationship in this divorce is mearly a band-aid to help us through it. This scares me because I really do love him. I just can't live with him (or him with me). I can't seem to imagine life without him being my partner.

Back to the lawyer thing, I have one, so he is entitled to one too...right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I was really hoping we could draw up our own settlement or whatever it's called and present it to my lawyer to draw up legally. Why? Because we would be working together. We never worked well together in marriage, why would I think we could work together in divorce? I guess I just really wanted that. A new way...a new hope. I don't know. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I'm assuming he's going to hire this lawyer.
The lawyer will tell him he needs one and not to trust me I'm sure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Just knowing that it's happening today, it's all I can do to just sit tight. I had the thought of calling him last night, and this morning too but decided to let things be what they will be and not interfere. I haven't talked to him since Monday night, at which time we made a tenative date for Friday evening and he said he loved me. I'm afraid that he is being nice until the divorce is over and then walk away. He has expressed the same worry. I guess we have trust issues for sure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ November 20, 2003, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: Wildflower67 ]</small>

well even if he does hire a lawyer why not try and go to mediation? Then all the lawyers review is your mediated agreement. Saves money...

I had myself all worked up and depressed as hell today and H just called and he said he filed no contest. The lawyer is making a file on who gets what to send to my lawyer.

I feel happy that this is not a spiteful divorce, but I feel sad too that our marriage will be over soon. At least we still have a relationship together for as long as we both want one.

Maybe we will find healing in all of this. I hope so.

{{{{{{WF67}}}}}