Well, H and I have decided to divorce after only 3 years of marriage. There are many issues in our marriage that we can not resolve. He has been unemplyed for over a year and can't find a job(or really is not trying very hard) I work full time to supprt the family. He is in school full time, but that is all he does. He rarely help with the house and other responsibilities. In his eyes I am controlling B**** that doesn't give him space and belittles him. I have to admit I am a bit controlling because there are som many things in our life that needs taken care of and he simply will not do it, so I do take charge and do them..so therefore this makes me ontrolling.Of course he has the excuse that mmy weight is an issue...I gained weight when I was poregnant 55 pounds to be exact...so I lost weight for him over 40 pounds to be exact..well he said after losing weight that he didn't find me attractive anymore. See that baffles me how can he not find me attractive after just 3 years...I haven't changed..except for my hairstyle..I have no wrinkles or gray hair or anything like that that he could use against me. Im my honest opinion he is jsut making excuses to put the blame on me. And I should also mention that 9 months ago he told me he was Bi and wanted to persue a relationship with a man...we went to couseling for this but it didn't help..When he sprung this on me I was pregnant and lost the baby. He blames losing the baby on me because while we were seperated he says I was not taking care of myself that I wasn't eating right and getting enough rest..That hurts,I don't feel losing my baby is my fault. So I come home from work one moring a couple of weeks ago and he tells me he is not in love with me anymore that he is not attracted to me anymore and that I am too controlling..He aslo said that he wasn't sure if he wanted this marriage or not..I told him he had to move out.I love him but I will not stay with a man that doesn't want to be with me. I feel used.I feel like he used me for a free ride thru school , I feel like a fool because I stayed with him after he told me about his attraction for men..This past weekend I found 2 personal sites online that he had posted adds on looking for men in our area. This sickens me .He did this 4 mothns ago while I thought we were still happily married...He says he has not cheated on me or been with anyone else...I didn't trust him so I went to the doctor and got checked out , just to be sure, and everything came back fine..

I want so bad to hate this man and some days I do..But I catch myself missing him and wishing he was here. What is wrong with me..why do I miss a man that has put me thru so much and disrespected me in so many ways.I am very angry and I don't know how to deal with that either. We have a 3 year old daughter and he wants nothing to do with her...I am angry about that because he is not the one who has to face her questions and her crying at ight because she misses her daddy. I don't have time to go see a therapist..my work pays for it for free, but now that I am a single mom and I work midnight shift(I work this shift so he could go to school during hte day and we could save money on childcare, now I am stuck there for atleast another year)I am lost..I don't want to want him anymore..I want to be over him .I want to move on and forget about that part of my life..

Sorry this is so long..I needed to vent any advice is greatly appreciated.Thanks.

I'm sorry for your pain. I can only imagine that it is excrutiating. Everyone here has felt the emptiness and loneliness that you are going through and will help you the best they can. In other words, you have come to the right place though, there are many smart and caring people here who will read what you have to write.

My experience has been regarding an affair my wife of 4 y has been having since July. So that is where my experience is at, but I'll be happy to read anything you write and offer suggestions. My first would be seek help from your family and friends around. You will be amazed at the support that comes out of the wood work if you are willing to reach out and tell people a little about why you need the help. Maybe your mom/dad can watch your daughter while you work or trade off with other young mothers you'll watch their kids days if they'll do nights. You'll have to get creative but you are NOT trapped.

I'd also suggest some individual counseling to help you deal with this. I've found it to be invaluable to learn about myself and make it so my next relationship doesn't follow a similar path. You are already doing self improvement (weight loss, etc). You didn't mention how old you are. Telling people a little about yourself can help them give you better advice. I imagine if you are young like me you feel too young for this to happen to you and you are right to feel that way.

All I can offer is support and prayers for you. If you have or had faith embrace it, if you don't yet it may comfort you and put you in touch with services you don't know are available. Reading the Psalms can be very comforting. I recommend #32 and #33.

Keep posting to the board and people will find you to comfort you.

Reading the first part of you post. It would seem like the book "His Needs/Her Needs" would be of help. It covers emotional needs and helps you to negotiate with you S how to meet each others most important emotional needs.

I think his not finding you attractive has more to do with the lack of emotional fulfilment each of you is experiencing. Thats my opinion.

The latter part of your post dealing with your H claiming to be BI is way too complicated for me to even guess at. IMHO you need professional help. I would suggest MB's Steve Harley. He helped me and is worth every penny in my opinion.

It's nice to read reply's and know that there are people out there who care. I do have good support from my family and friends and my daughter deos stay with my parents at night while I am at work and occasionally during the day(on days they are off work) so I can catch up on much needed sleep. And yes I am young,I am 25. When i got married I took my vows seriously and never thought for a minute that I wouldn't stay married forever. Oh how wrong I was.