HI,
This is my first post so please bare with me.
I'm 39 years old, My wife is 29 years old have 2 kids girls one 10y and the other 2y. Been married for 13 years. My wife is ready to split up. This has been about 4 major fights in are lives. One time i came home and she and my child was gone. I had no ideal it was that bad. She came back that was about 8 years ago. Now she ready to do it again.This time she wants me to leave. I had no ideal this was coming. Let me give A quick rundown.
She says she dosen't have that warming felling inside like she had when we fell in love. She says it just dosen't fell right. She said its been this way for A long time. I had no ideal, I mean I know we fight and have diff. ideals about stuff but to give up 13y of being toghether?
OK let me tell you about me. this is my second wife. The first one messed around only about 3 months after being married. Marriage lasted for 1 year. so i'm a little paranoid. I have had 3 business that have failed. made money at them but the last damn ner wiped us out. Now i'm working A great job that is paying good and I love it.
My wife has A great job been there for 7y. hates it but it pays darn good. we both work about 40 to 55 hours. I'm a boing person. I like to stay home. don't get out much. we do spend time with here family and mine. What do I do?
I love this wormen so much. I don't belive in spliting up. I think the longer we are apart the harder it will be to get back toghther. SHe thinks that abstant makes the heart grow fander.
Or it will tell her if she can make it on here own or not. My oldest child is having problems she is going to A conseler now. My wife has had A weight problem for about the last 10y. She is now trying to lose the weight lost 37 pounds so far.
She blams all of this on me or atleast most of it.
She says that I want her fat and I turn the kids against her. She dosn't cook and hates to clean. I like to cook and can't stand A dirty house so I do most of the cleaning. I change my job schedule around so she can work some extra hours to help her job. I don't mind doing all of these things and I love my wife very much fat or skinny. But because i didn't show her the way that she wanted to be shown. Please help someone. I can't stand the fact that after 13 years it would be over.

Confused;
You sitch is exactly like mine in almost everyway, except I am 59 and my W is 49. She spends long hrs at her job and has never cooked, if she cleaned she expected to stay clean forever and not have to do anything more to it. The more I did to help her the less she did. She also had a weight problem, lost it and then wanted out.
Same story about not being 'in love' too.

I don't know what advice others will give you but I know our problems go much worse after we separated. My W found and old boy friend 3 months into the separation and has been having an affair with him ever since.

First thing I would suggest is to get professional help. Not all counselors are good ones. I had very good luck with Steve Harley in a telephone consultation. He or his W can give you analysis of your sitch and what's the best course of action to take.

The weightloss and the want for free time away from me, change in hair color and style and new cloths were signs that my W was in an affair. I know for sure about one after the separation but I strongly suspect one started during the last months before it. The affair gives them the courage to leave the marriage. Of course it may not be an affair. It could be some other form of support who is urging them to separate; a friend, relative or potential OM who is resonding to what you W may have said to them and sympathises with her.

Good Luck and My Prayers are with you and your W.

confusedinlove

I too am in a similar situation. After 12 years "I love you but I'm not in love with you"

To start with, make sure you read all the basic concepts on this web site and do not put any pressure on her right now. Get your head on straight.
You need to get good advice and perhaps counciling before you push her further away.
After a read the basic concepts here and other materials from Divorce Busting, I realized that everything I did up to that point made my situation ever worse. I am seperated over 2 months now looking at divorce.I would hate to see that happen to anyone. If W and I were able to find MD before we seperated,maybe I would still be home.

Good Luck and welcom to MB

<small>[ November 21, 2003, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>