Well, Divorce was final on Thursday. Three minutes we were in and out of the judge's chamber. XW agreed to everything, I have my kids and she will be paying support. We ate lunch together after court and she broke down and cried a few times, telling me she was sorry, that she walked away from the marriage without thinking about working on it. She wanted her emotional needs met and found someone who gaved it to her. He gaved it to her alright, now she is broke and her credit is ruined because she spent money on OM, he does not help her out, she can't stand living with him but wants to be with him.
Now she is moving into an apartment complex that at night I would not even go near, yet that was the only place she could afford. I thought about helping her out but that would be too easy for her, she wants to give me keys to her apartment just in case something happens.
How do I move ahead with my life? My main focus are my two kids, haven't done the dating thing in 10 years, sort of have no desire for it at the moment.

All Alone,

I guess I can say you move ahead by simply devoting yourself to being the best you can be, one day at a time. Devote yourself to your children. That's all we can do.

My divorce was final 16 months ago. I was the WS, but I didn't want a divorce.

I've lost close family members to sudden deaths, but this divorce has been just as difficult to deal with, in fact even more so as it has impacted every aspect of my life daily.

I've been wanting a reconciliation w/ exH for a long time, but it looks dismal for now.

Personally I don't think you should even think about dating. You need one year of recovery to get over each four years you were married, according to some experts. That means you have 2.5 years from now to recover before you even think about dating. I am not big on dating when there are young children in the home, or any children under 18. They don't need a parent who's constantly involved emotionally w/ partners, and distracted from being a #1 parent.

Some people can date casually and not involve their children at all. If one dates, to me that is the way to do it.

I felt very alone right when my divorce was over. I cried a lot, and looking back I'm sure I was clinically depressed for awhile. Things are much better now. I still get lonely, but I've adapted much more to my life.

One more thought- many churches have divorce recovery groups. Perhaps you should look into that. I know many who've been helped by them. I've never gone to one.

Take care and know that you're not alone in this. Many of us can empathize with what you're going through.

HP

All Alone Again,

First off sorry about your divorce and the fact your ex could not come to her senses before it came down to that. I think you are right to focus on you children but remember to take care of yourself too! Make sure to not talk bad about momma to or in front of the kids. I do not know how old they are, but they already know if mom messed up. But they usually do not like anyone to say negative things about their parents even if they themselves make nasty comments. As far as helping your ex... I think if it's true that her credit is messed up do to her spending too much money on om and she is still seeing om, she should deal with the consequences. To me helping her out financially after your divorce is final and she is still in contact with om would be crazy. It would be like giving money to a gambling addict that still gambles, they hate they cannot stop yet they are not willing to give it up or get help for the problem. Another thing, I can't see needed a key to her apartment for any reason. You are divorced so the kids are are the only things you should be sharing. Be nice when talking with exwife.

If she decides to keep om around she gets what she deserves. Maybe one day she will wise up. Maybe get rid of om once and for all. Maybe she will take time for herself, stay alone for awhile and think about why she made the choices she did. Maybe she will get some help. Maybe she will decide she wants and loved you afterall. I am not sure if you would want her back or not being this is the first post I read from you. If there is the slightest chance, I would make sure to not rush out into the dating world again. Well, I think we are not supposed to do that anyway. Just take care of youself so that it doesn't matter what decisions she makes. If she is truely remorseful and works on changing great, if not it was her loss. I always hope for the best especially where kids are involved. If it's been 9 months or so and you are feeling better about the divorce and want to move on to something new, go for it! My problem is that I have never gotten to that point or wanted to be with anyone else. I can't even get out of the house much less! So take care, but rem. don't take the key. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ November 26, 2003, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: All Alone Again ]</small>

I am sorry to hear about your problem H_P, I can relate to your feelings and what you are going through. MY XW too is having a hard time dealing with her family resentment, she tries to hide it by saying she does not care. I seem to think otherwise, she was not invited to the family thanksgiving dinner nor Christmas. I can't sympathise with a WS nor do I understand their reasons for doing what they did, my XW was all about emotional needs, but at what price did she pay for her own actions. She lost her family, custody of her own kids, has to pay me child support, while she continues searching for her selfish needs.

Yes I do know that some churches offer recovery groups, infact my church offers it. My son's school has a program for kids whose parents are going through divorce.

elswick66: Thank you...... xw still insist on giving me a key to her place. Is she trying to tell me something? I hope not, because I have no desire to even touch her at the moment. It is hard to regain trust once you have lost it.

In due time she will come around and realize what she has done, for now let her have her fun. I wonder what will happen when I tell her that I am moving 400 miles north of Ft.Lauderdale to Ocala...... Her brother told me to be vindictive and just f**k her, she made promises she broke, why can't I. And yes, I do have it in our divorce agreement that I can move, but I had promised her that I won't move.

Oh well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />