I am posting here again, maybe waisting my time because nobody reads my post.

I am trying very hard today to make my ex happy and give him what he wants. His privacy and his family time without me. His parents hate that he divorced me and still invite me over to eat and play dice games. If I am not with my ex there, they ask where I am at and why I did not come. My ex complains that they still act as we are a married couple and we are not.

Well his sister just got married and wanted to have everyone over today for a Thanksgiving dinner and of course I was invited. My ex relayed the invite and for once I said no. Thanks for asking, but maybe if I quit going with him to family outings, they will eventually quit asking. Then he can move on with his life. He looked kind of shocked, but said nothing. I know he is sick and tired of everyone trying to make him feel guilty for his decision to divorce. What I don't understand is how can anyone make you feel guilty if you felt you made the right decision? I know for certain he can't wait for me to move because I make him feel guilty all of the time even if I say nothing. He sees how miserable I am, kinda hard to put on that fake smiley face and I can't be just a friend to him.

So now he is gone and I can sit and do my usual crying. You would think I am all cried out by now. I am going to miss his family, mostly his mom and dad.

I can't even get out of this dang house to go shopping because I have no brake or tail lights after the accident yesterday. Will have to wait until Monday to get in touch with my insurance company to see what to do.

Anyway, just had to rant a little even if nobody listens. I hope my ex eats his little heart out! He constantly complains about his weight, but does nothing about it. Just sits in his little corner with the computer and tv. Only gets up to sleep, eat or a bathroom break. Unless it's the weekend of course, gotta go drink and maybe dance a little. Everytime he ask for something sweet to eat, I happily make it. Think I will make something special for him tonite! Something with tons of calories and tons of fat (saturated) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I will not be eating any of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok, I feel a little better now that I thought up some sweet revenge!

Hey there, Elswick. This is not my usual board, but I saw you over on Other Topics. Your presence is appropriate on almost any board you feel comfortable to deal with relational problems.

This is one.

I wanted to ask what you think not meeting with his family will do for you. Will it help you move on? If not, and it brings comfort to you, I'd say continue to go to the gatherings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Next, your X's reaction...What's that about? Is he really disappointed? Do you hope you two can reconcile? If so, continue contact with him, and don't worry about him moving on, unless THAT's what you want.

Just some thoughts. I hope they help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Welcome to MB.

Petals

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by elswick66:
<strong> I am posting here again, maybe waisting my time because nobody reads my post. *A LOT MORE FOLKS READ YOUR POSTS - I FOR ONE DO. NOT EVERYONE WHO READS RESPONDS, HOWEVER. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND I SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU - I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE AND SO I KNOW.*

I am trying very hard today to make my ex happy and give him what he wants. His privacy and his family time without me. His parents hate that he divorced me and still invite me over to eat and play dice games. If I am not with my ex there, they ask where I am at and why I did not come. My ex complains that they still act as we are a married couple and we are not.

Well his sister just got married and wanted to have everyone over today for a Thanksgiving dinner and of course I was invited. My ex relayed the invite and for once I said no. Thanks for asking, but maybe if I quit going with him to family outings, they will eventually quit asking. Then he can move on with his life. He looked kind of shocked, but said nothing. I know he is sick and tired of everyone trying to make him feel guilty for his decision to divorce. What I don't understand is how can anyone make you feel guilty if you felt you made the right decision? I know for certain he can't wait for me to move because I make him feel guilty all of the time even if I say nothing. He sees how miserable I am, kinda hard to put on that fake smiley face and I can't be just a friend to him.

So now he is gone and I can sit and do my usual crying. You would think I am all cried out by now. I am going to miss his family, mostly his mom and dad. *IT'S REALLY SAD. AT LEAST IN YOUR CASE, YOUR EX-INLAWS DO WANT TO BE CORDIAL TO YOU. BETTER THAN MY CASE. I'D CONSIDER MYSELF FORTUNATE. WHY NOT SEE THEM WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND?*

I can't even get out of this dang house to go shopping because I have no brake or tail lights after the accident yesterday. Will have to wait until Monday to get in touch with my insurance company to see what to do.

Anyway, just had to rant a little even if nobody listens. I hope my ex eats his little heart out! He constantly complains about his weight, but does nothing about it. Just sits in his little corner with the computer and tv. *AT YOUR HOUSE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM MOVING OUT - IF YOU ARE DIVORCED, THEN HE HAS NO BUSINESS LIVING WITH YOU! HE NEEDS TO BE GONE.* Only gets up to sleep, eat or a bathroom break. Unless it's the weekend of course, gotta go drink and maybe dance a little. Everytime he ask for something sweet to eat, I happily make it. *LET HIM MAKE IT HIMSELF - YOU ARE NOT HIS PERSONAL COOK. HE LOST THE PRIVILEGE OF HAVING YOUR COOKING FOR HIM WHEN HE DIVORCED YOU* Think I will make something special for him tonite! Something with tons of calories and tons of fat (saturated) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I will not be eating any of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok, I feel a little better now that I thought up some sweet revenge! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure what all is in your story of Divorce, and I certainly do feel sorry for you with this wreck and insurance crisis you are in. I am thankful you survived the accident OK and are not hurt. Is there any way you could move closer to your Family and/or friends?
Just a few thoughts, Harold

Thank you Petals for responding.
My ex inlaws still think of me as their daughter in law. When I am with them I enjoy their company but at the same time I know I am not family anymore. I know my ex would rather I not be their as well. Being with them just makes me long for what I can't have. My family back. So I guess you can say I feel a false comfort while with them.

As far as my ex's reaction...he does not want to reconcile no matter what. He really did not want me to go because we are "not" a couple. He just feels bad because he sees in my eyes the hurt, but to get what he wants he can't say anything.

I want to reconcile, I didn't file for the divorce. We are in contact with one another everyday whether we want to or not because I still live in the same house. I lost my job 1 month before our divorce was final. He is just letting me stay here until I get back on my feet or until the house is sold. He says he cares for me but he doesn't love me. It's like he is going through a mid life crisis for a second time. He is only into himself. He tells me that if I did all that I do now while we were still married, that we would not be divorced. The only thing I am doing different now is keeping the house clean and all laundry done. When we were still married, I was still working, had health problems which caused extreme fatigue (narcolepsy and had thyroid removed day before we married), my daugther, husb and newborn baby lost their apt and needed to move in. So, I was trying to hang onto my job, going through hormone fluctuations for months before thyroid was leveled out, so failed to clean much of anything, staying awake all hrs of the night with the collicky grandbaby (which I love to death), dealing with daught and her husb arguing and fighting, police in front of house, her husb laying around not trying to find a job, they were not helping around the house either, and neither me or my ex wanted to come home. I did not know how to make everyone happy, be a good wife, be a good mom, be a good employee and keep my own health. I thought I was going to have a heart attack or stroke while all this was going on. My ex thought I was neglecting him by letting my daughters family be here. But how could I have thrown them out with a month old baby? My ex got on my nerves so bad and I can honestly say I did not like him, but I knew that my daughters stay was not permanent and things could get better. Divorce never crossed my mind. My son even moved out before he was 18 because of all the chaos. He left a week and a half a go for the Army. Now I have to worry about his safety.
But since my ex felt neglected and like I didn't make him number 1, his love for me died. He withdrew from me, stayed at his computer, then filed for the divorce. He also knew I am on medication that I need in order to live and left me with no insurance. He just died inside.

Anyway, I talk civil with him, and as long as I live here I will probably still hope for him to have a change of heart because I still love him unconditionally. The only way he will change is if God softens his heart and so far he never listens to God or His word. I have never felt like I belong with anyone else. No matter how much time we spend apart we keep ending back together. But of course he says it's for real this time. He said it before too. Who knows. I do not know who he is anymore.

Hi Maxx,
You got a giggle out of me here. He asks me to cook because he knows I like to. He knows I don't do anything if I don't want to. lol

I was supposed to move out because I can in no way afford this house. He is putting it up for sell. I was fired from my job of 6 yrs a month before the divorce. So out of the kindness of his heart he is letting me stay here until I get back on my feet or the house is sold. Or maybe because he feels a bit guilty.

I love the ex inlaws, but seeing them only makes me more upset that I am no longer part of the family. I can't visit with them and not mourn the death of my marriage. Also it's hard to not talk about how upset I am when I am around them. If I do, they just feel bad to because they are sorry all this has happened and they can't help or change the decisions my ex has made. They say they just don't understand him. So I am better off to just stay away.

Anyway, I am off to read some other post. I try to respond a little when I can.

Hi Elswick66 - I am sorry you are having the health problems. It is even sadder when you have a NON-understanding mate who does not care. That was a major cause of my Divorce 5 1/2 years ago - I have the Persian Gulf Illness with Narcolepsy, Sleep Apnea and my entire nervous system is screwed because of what we got exposed to in Desert Storm I.
Of course, my most loving (NOT!) then-wife said it was all in my head.
It's selfish attitudes like that causes marriage problems. It sounds like yours was no exception. A mate is supposed to stand by you in sickness and health, and of course, neither of our former mates did that. That is their loss, I guess.
I applaud you for making the sacrifice for the sick grandbaby and your daughter to help them out. It's too bad your mate didn't support you. It's also sad he didn't support you when you had your own health problems. Suppose the shoe was on the other foot? I wonder, just wonder, how would he be doing - and I'm sure he would have expected you to drop everything for HIM. However, he couldn't do the same for you. Really, he sounds a like like my former wife - she was so self-centered it was unreal, and of course, she (in her eyes) could do no wrong. What do you do with someone like that?
Really, not much you can do. They will have to answer for that someday, and also I am a firm believer in "What goes around - comes around" One day he will find himself in similar mess like you or some other situation where he needs help and he won't get the help he needs nor will he get any understanding from the people in his life who count the most. Then, just maybe, he will look back and remember how he did the same thing to you!
My best wishes and prayers for you, in this dark time of your life.
It WILL get better, believe me. It will get better.
Harold

Elswick66
I had read your original post several times since you posted it. I hadn't responded because there were a lot of things mentioned in there and I just wasn't sure what to say. Then I came back (now) and you've started a new thread. I can respond to this one! Also, I want to let you know that these boards don't get a lot of traffic over the weekend, so don't get discouraged if your posts don't get quick (or multiple) replies.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> E66 said: I love the ex inlaws, but seeing them only makes me more upset that I am no longer part of the family. I can't visit with them and not mourn the death of my marriage. Also it's hard to not talk about how upset I am when I am around them. If I do, they just feel bad to because they are sorry all this has happened and they can't help or change the decisions my ex has made. They say they just don't understand him. So I am better off to just stay away. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is a common feeling, especially for those of us who don't have young kids who would naturally want (and need) to be in their grandparent's lives. I know I feel the same as you...the in-laws feel just as bad as I do about their son...but after all, he IS their son. Blood is indeed thicker than water. So I'm trying to disengage more from them too, for my sake.

It sounds as if your husband is having a MLC (mid-life crisis) along with all the other things going on. How far away does your family live? If you're looking for a job, and you think they can be supportive in any way (emotionally, financially, logistically) maybe you should consider getting in contact with them and moving that way. I had a couple of questions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> for you:

Is your daughter's marriage more settled now?
Have you checked into qualifying for Medicaid for your prescriptions?

You'll find good support here at MB...even though you are already divorced. Hang in there, many here have gone through similar circumstances.

Dear Elswick,

I posted to you under Other Topics. I do not feel I have the correct mindset to check the Divorced Category.

Quipper
Husband of 28 years, raised 2 challening kids, still struggling

Elswick - Why not do things with your in-laws when your ex is not there? I'm not divorced yet, and do not see H at all. He is living with OW, but I continue to see my sisters-in-law and still love them both very much. It would take a chunk out of my life not to see and talk with them. I do not discuss H with them, just have fun. Try it, you might like it.

Believer,

I feel that if I keep visiting with them while I still have not leg go of the hope of reconciling only delays my accepting the fact that there is no hope. And if I did visit with them without him, my experience in from the past is they always talk about me (nicely)to my ex even if I tell them not to, and the p's my ex off. He already hates it because I make him feel guilty because he sees me everyday.

I am sorry if this is going to sound harsh. Know that it is not meant to be mean spirited. However, you married and divorced the same person 3 times, not to mention that you were married before this man as well. Neither of you have any sense of committment nor any sense of what marriage is all about.

I can sense that you are in pain and have difficulty with your situation. But you continually blame your ex for everything. You are living in his home and he has told you he does not want anything further from you in a relationship. You are devious and conniving in your attempt to find "revenge" and yet you say you love him very much. You say he asked you to marry him, but then follow it up with 'he was used to me hounding him about marrying me'.

I understand you are without a home, and I would not want you to have to live in a shelter. But you need to get out and grow up. I really don't know what the entire situation is, and I don't take sides in anything at all. But, you are divorced... several times now... and he has stated what he wants and doesn't want from you several times now by your own admission. Even with that, he lets you stay with him in his home. This is a mistake for all involved if you ask me.

It is a mistake for you, because you are continually exposed to ???'feelings'??? for a man whom you have divorced and remarried several times. I hear you say that this 'last time' you didn't want the divorce, but what about the other times? You blame him for taking you out of a 'good situation' with school, grants, etc. But you have stated NOTHING about your attempts to restart that 'good situation'.

Get a job, find a small apartment, and move out. Figure out what you want in your life and above all DO NOT REMARRY this man. You and he have made a mockery out of marriage and continue to do so with this sort of relationship. I daresay what is about YOU that has brought about 4 divorces? I doubt very much that you have found those issues clarified and resolved.

I am sure that this sounds VERY harsh, and I suspect that I will hear about it. But I tell you, you are saying 'poor me' without saying 'what am I doing about poor me'. Sometimes we need to realize that our lives are predominately under our own control. Sometimes this takes being kicked in the behind sometimes this takes a shoulder to cry on. I have broad shoulders and am more than willing to lend them to anyone in need. I also wear cowboy boots...

<small>[ November 23, 2003, 10:06 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Formerly Confused,

Let me set the record straight. I did not divorce him all 3 times. My first husb. and my first marriage to my 2nd ended because they were unfaithful. My 2nd husb infidelity was with his 1st w. of 17 yrs. We married to soon after their divorce. Anyhow I gave him another chance. Needless to say HE has trouble with comittment not I because I didn't want the 2nd or 3rd divorce and if you live in KY you can't stop a divorce. I know because I checked.

Another thing if you read my post completely you would see I did move out all though it was short lived. My ex was the one wanting me to move back in so I can concentrate finding a job and a home. I did not ask him and I was very reluctant to move back in. I left because it was hard watching him live his new life when I want us to be together as husb and wife. So being in here is torture for me. I am never one to refuse a shelter and that was where I was going, but my ex talked me out of it. I don't feel I am more deserving than any other person out there and a shelter is good enough for me, and when I called them, they even have free counseling. But my ex said there was no need because we have a 4 bdrm house and I need to stay here instead. Also, I put out applications everyday but have had no luck yet. You are crazy to think I am not trying to find work. Rem. I have no health insurance and have to be on medication to LIVE! I even had a check up while I still had insurance that required further testing because they seen questionable cells that may be cancersous. Guess what, no insurance, no further testing. So, do you honestly think I would not be looking or not accepting jobs just for people to pity me?

Now on the revenge thing. My only revenge on him is cooking sweets and this may make him gain weight because he likes it. I have done a little growing up over the last few yrs and have learned that revenge never pays and always comes back on you. So NO this is not what I am doing.

And yes I DO LOVE HIM. Making him feel guilty is not my goal. How would that even help? I would not want him to come back to me out of guilt, I need love. If he is feeling so much guilt, that is his problem to deal with. I tell him if he truely feels he has made the right decision to not let others make him feel that way and to get over it. I do try to not look unhappy around him, but a lot of times he still does the same things as when we were married. Like printing me recipes, showing me things in the store that I was only interested in when we were together and then there is the sexual come ons and that's the worst. I don't believe in casual sex and if you are not wanting to be married to me then I need to be left alone. He is working on that one because he knows that hurts the most.

Anyway I think you have me (firmley confused)with mean revengeful bit@#*s that are out there in the world. I want him to be happy but am sad he does not want to share his world with me. Divorce is only acceptable to me when there is cheating involved and there was none. I was on my own for a yr, living in my own apartment (thank u very much) and did just fine. Only thing is that I never dated. I have always felt my heart belongs to my ex and if I could not feel anything for anyone else why bother. I was content to remain single as I will get back to that again when I am on my own. I contacted him to ask for a copy of software I needed for school and he in turn wanted to meet for lunch. We had not seen each other in months. The feeling were still there and it was not long and he proposed again. Moved me out of my apartment and we married. I was very leary in believing him, but this time he told me God made him feel the same pain he caused me before, crying and all! He never talked about God before because he rejects religion, and I was in complete shock. Thought this time he was sincere. Guess I was wrong or he just does not have the skills to deal married life and all that comes with it. He has a lot of anger inside, an uptight person and feels there should never be conflict in marriage. That's just not reality. We would all like that, but it's not going to happen.

What I hate is that most of the things that caused us stress is now over. I am feeling better and have more energy to do whats needed in the house, yet it's too late. I don't get another chance to prove myself to him. I just have to let go and I will in time as I have done before.

Thanks for being so understanding!

One more the formerly confused,

I would love to go back to school. I was taking online classes with Univ. of Phoenix to get my bachelors in systems in information technology. The classes were each $1250.00. I also was getting tuition reimbursement from work to help pay for it. I had loans and very little grant money because the yr they based them on my income I was working 2 jobs and made a lot of money then. I was told by my dr. to quit the 2nd job because it was too much for me because of the Narcolepsy, and it interfered with job number 1. I have been researching to find help with schooling and can't find it. Remember it's based on the last years income. The free training they offer through vocational rehab and goodwill industries are things which I already know. So if you know where I can get the help let me know.

I am a physician and can honestly say that at our local county hospital... NO ONE has ever been turned away for inability to pay. I have done so many free procedures that I would bet that they are at least equal to those for which I have been paid. Supposing your medical situation is as you say, you should have no problem getting Medicaid and great care. Albeit it might not be at the most highly regarded hospital in town. And it will DEFINTELY require some work and persistence on your part. Government red tape abounds.

The medication I suspect you are stating that you have to have to LIVE is a thyroid compound such as Synthroid. YES, you have to have it to live... NO it is not one of the most expesive medications around, typically ranging about 10 to 20 cents per day full price, WITHOUT Medicaid assistance. I do not know if you need other medications that could cost more.

I understand that you moved out then back in. I DON'T WANT you to have to go to a shelter. That is NOT AT ALL what I am trying to say in any shape or form. I never said nor did I mean to hint that you weren't finding a job for pity. What I am saying is that you were doing fine before your last 'marriage' to him it sounds like. What has changed??? You were hypothyroid and narcoleptic before and yet you were capable of a life, now for some reason perhaps just newness, it seems as though you are not.

I do NOT </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">think you have me (firmley confused)with mean revengeful bit@#*s that are out there in the world. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I am saying is that you are saying two completely OPPOSITE things in that you love him and then want revenge. These are polar opposites and cannot exist in reality. You either want the revenge with mixed emotions and feelings or you completely love him and want what is best for him. Do not think that by 'cooking' for him that you are not being vengeful. It is what is in your HEART and what was in your post. That POST is what spurred me to post here. The incongruities in what your post says is all I wanted to point out.

I think that you are hurting yourself. I wonder whether you look to him to 'save you' in your current situation.

Don't think that I for one second take his side in any form or fashion. I do not know his 'side' and have no desire to form an opinion of him. If he was unfaithful, then I absolutely abhore his choices and his actions. You knew this about him through two subsequent marriages. Like I said, what is it about YOU that allowed this to happen, and in essence, wants it to happen again? Faithfulness and vows are one thing. Sticking your head in a blender over and over again is another.

It reminds me of the patient who came to the doctor and said "Doc, it hurts my head every time I hit it with a hammer." The doctor says, "Why do you keep hitting yourself with a hammer?" to which the patient replies, "Because it feels so good when I quit."

You are hitting yourself with a hammer. The hammer of your ex. I cannot tell you what you feel, but I can tell you what I, ME, FC... read in your posts. I don't hear love and respect. I hear need and fright. I hear vengence and anger. I hear sadness and pity. But I don't hear love... not a bit. That is JUST how I hear you. I DON'T mean to sound harsh, and this medium is so easially misunderstood. You cannot hear the tone of my words. The thoughtfullness in my voice. The kindness of my words. I know that it might be that you laugh at what you perceive my words and my 'thoughtfullness' and being incongruous. But that is not the case. Sometimes the most love comes in the form of someone else perception of your situation. It is easy to hear the nice stuff... we all want to be agreed with and we all love to feel 'right'. But, and I don't know if you are religious and that is not where I am trying to take this. But Jesus was extremely kind and compassionate. But he didn't mince words. He didn't say, OH yes,... come come... they are such bad people. He stood right out there and said the truth. Now he is Jesus and the truth is within his words without a doubt. I am merely a man, no more... no less. I do not pretend that what I say is 'TRUTH', it is merely my perception of what I hear, within the limits of my humanity and understanding of your situation.

I mean you nothing but good. I hold you with nothing but love. I wish you nothing but happiness.

We may disagree about many things... that is surely the case. I represent my view, and do not hold that it is the only way. But sometimes, differences are just EXACTLY what we need. We can always find someone who loves us and have them agree with us. But how often can we find someone who cares for us and is willing to disagree?

<small>[ November 24, 2003, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Formerly Confused,

First about the medical problems and lack of insurance. I was told that I do not quality for Medicaid and I assume it's because I get the max. amount of unemployment. True the Synthroid only cost me $59.00 for a 90 day supply. Just started back on it after not having any for 2 months. Since I no longer had insurance, I called my endocrinologist to cancel my appt. for the blood work and the appt to see him. I told them about my situation and they said to call back to make another appt. when I got insurance. So, I guess my dr. does not treat for free or at a discount. After my face started getting puffy and I was staying cold and tired, I called them back and asked if they would at least call me in the same dose that I was on because something has to be better than nothing, and they did do that. Only thing is, I am having hot flashes again, so I probably need the synthroid adusted again. I talked with someone today and they told me to call one of the health clinics here and they would go by my income. So I will do that this Monday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was content while on my own, but I still wished he would one day come back to me. Remember I didn't want the 2nd divorce either. I never stopped loving him. When I first contacted him and met for lunch, he let me know he still loved me. Then he mention God and how he made him feel the pain he caused me. Told me how he got tired of the bar scene and such and spent a lot of time thinking about us and how me messed up. How he wanted to call me but felt to guilty and didn't want to upset me. He wanted us to be together and he knew that I didn't want to just shack up with him, so he wanted to do what's right and remarry. I watched him cry his eyes out for hours and he has NEVER cried over anything in the past. I wanted to stay in my apartment for awhile longer but he said I needed to come HOME. Although I was scared to death, I loved him and if I didn't take the chance in spite of the odds, I would miss the opportunity to experience the kind of love we once had together and just continued my content life.

It was a couple months before we talked that my thyroid problems started. I had 95% taken out when I was 17 and had not been on any thyroid med. since. All was fine up until then. I told him about it and how it had effected me. He said it would be ok, we will get through all of this. Had the radiation therapy right before we married. My dr. wanted me to stop all meds except for the Synthroid. I was on the Dexedrine for the Narcolepsy. So it was hard going cold turkey. He said to sleep as much as I needed and I would be feeling better as the thyroid levels returned to normal. I knew when he said to sleep as much as needed my marriage was going to be in trouble. Me sleeping a lot meant things were not getting done in the house and a clean house is very important to my ex. So needless to say I failed him for months, according to him I should have been feeling better withing a couple weeks. That would have been nice. My hormones were so out of wack. I even went to the dr because I thought I was going through menopause. No period, hot flashes all through the day (thought I was going to combust), memory loss,crying spells, my joints were killing me. I thought I was going crazy. It was like having pms 24 hours a day. The worse I felt, the more he withdrew. He honestly thought I was just not doing my part, just because I didn't care. I tried to tell him why would you think I would marry you for a 3rd time just to purposely neglect you and your feelings and risk loosing you? He says you do everything now, yet it's like he doesn't understand that I am feeling better now. I have my thyroid medication and the meds I am on for the sleep research are working great! If I feel good I am productive,never lazy.

I think it's normal to feel anger towards him for not holding up to his vows. I also have anger towards myself for putting myself in this situation. We never stayed away from each other this long before and his parents even told me how when he visited them how much he talked about me and wanted to reconcile but was scared to call. So I believe he did some soul searching and he would not go back on his word this time. I feel everyone goes through periods of anger, and wanting revenge even if they do not act on it. I was hurting more than normal when I talked of cooking fatening deserts for him after he left. You can have periods of bad feeling towards someone yet still love them. Just like with your kids. They can act up over and over, get in all kinds of trouble, make you mad as heck, make you want to smack them when they smart off, yet no matter what you love them and would do anything in the world for them.

What my ex does not realize is that not all of his problems and unhappiness is because of me. He has a lot of problems and to be honest he needs counseling and medication to help. He thinks if he is alone or moves somewhere else all will be fine. I told him all will be fine for awhile, but he can't run from himself. If he was ok by himself, he would have remained that way and never asked me to marry him again. I wish he would have seeked help or asked God for help, but he wouldn't.

And yes I am scared because of my situation, but I am not looking to him for saving me. I don't want the saving, I want his love. I want him to be healthy mentally and physically. My bad feelings for him will come and go while I am here I am sure. I am just working harder to conceal them when they happen.

Anyway, I am rambling here. Sorry, I am too tired to even be on here typing. Got to get some sleep so I can get up early and start the job search once more.

Dear Elswick,

Your posts since I let you know I had posted on your post under Other Questins indicates that you are going to accept rather than stand, so I asume my perspective is counterproductive.

Blessings,

Quipper
Husband of 28 years, raised 2 chalenging kids, still struggling