Faith,

Your children's love for you shouldn't be based on you making XH mad or not. You want them to respect you. How can they respect you when you keep letting all this happen? You cannot convince your grown children that their Dad treats you wrong. They will have to come to discover this on their own. They treat you almost as bad. They proably don't even realize it because they are just treating you as the same as their father always has. You treat yourself with more respect and do what is right and in time they will see things for what they are. But you will never do this by complaining about what he does or has done to you.

Stop dwelling on things from the past. You don't have to keep telling how you were abused. You are just staying in the same place doing this. Move foward. Stand for something. You are never going to shame anyone into caring for you or showing you respect. Bringing all this up is like hitting your head against a wall. I hope you are getting tired of your head hurting. Stop hitting your head against the wall...it isn't changing anything and you are getting hurt.

I know you love you children , but they are grown. Their lives have been shaped. You cannot change them at this point. God will have to do the changing.Stop trying to talk them into what is right. Just make them do it. They will start respecting you then and only then. If they don't do what you say, then give them time to move out and stick to it. Stop talking about them like they are little children. This is not showing them respect. Treat them like their age and then they will be forced to act their age.This is part of becoming an adult. This is your job at this point, help your children become the adults God meant for them to be by being who God made you to be.

Faith, love should not be based on what you do or don't do for someone. Stop doing the same things and exspecting different results. You change and leave the rest to God. Your children's love will come through. Their love is not based on what you do for them.

We love you for you and your children do too.
Love never fails.

gentle

FoeverHers, I am doing the right thing as living by Gods words. I am being truthful, and that is what God wants me to do. As for anything else in my XWH life, he will get his return sometime. Just let him be, and God will take care of him. Don't inter into his life, let him sort things out for himself, and let him converse here if he wants. I have put him in prayers at church, and my Pastor and I have talked many times, and I am on a weekly session of talking with an assistant of the Pastors.

As far as my money situation, I will do fine, just going to be hard as a single mother, and an older woman. I am trying to give all my trust to the Lord, which has been hard, but in all, I know I will be fine. I wish to have everyone leave him alone, and just don't post to him if he hurts you. I don't agree with what he says and he demeans marriages, and that is not part of the MB concepts. Please, everyone just don't post to him, and leave him be if he upsets you. He does give good advice sometimes, and I feel for the newbies that have to hear his demeaning of marriges <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> , they are hurting enough inside, and a message from him could destroy their will to continue on with life. That is what I fear the most, I was deeply emotionally upset when I first started here and if I heard what he said, I might of thought of doing something wrong. He is here for a reason, and those of you who would like to converse with him, go ahead and converse. Those of us who wish to not interact in his game, will stay away.

ForeverHers, just leave him be. You two seem to be on opposite sides, and just keep your faith in God. I enjoy reading your words of Gods faith, and that is what really helps me the most. Since I am trying to keep God in my life and get stronger with him. You have great knowledge of the Bible, that is important, and what XWH doesn't have is great knowledge of the Bible. Keep the verses coming, and who knows, maybe a miracle will happen with XWH. I would enjoy you to continue on your path of helping those of us who really want your help and knowledge of putting our faith and trust in God. Thank you for all you have done for me. These words bring me back to reality, and that is what counts.

I would appreciate if you would just leave XWH alone, and just keep showing him messages of God. There is no one in this world that will change XWH, but our Father. Please ForeverHers, Do your good job of Gods Path. Otherwise leave XWH alone to phylosophy, and hellp the NEWBIES. Those are the ones that I am really concerned about. Thanks.

I have been blown away by the tremendous advice you gals and guys have been offering. I look forward to reading more and sometimes posting. I try not to lurk too much.

In my own painful journey, I have found a daily email from divorcecare.com to be very helpful. It will go on for 365 days. I am in the 60s now and the messages are about anger and sinfullness. Excellent!

Why are you waiting until tomorrow to change the locks? Unless there is a bonafide reason why you can't do it today, do it now. Get up out of your chair now and do it while you have the courage and you have made a committment to yourself. Don't let the sun go down on your desire to do this to protect yourself.

Now, the reason I was so hard on you is because you have been saying the same things for so long and have not been taking steps to take care of yourself. While I've never been physically abused, I have been emotionally abused and I found that I was the only one who could make any changes about anything in my life.

I can only handle whining about the same stuff for so long. I will be more tolerant when you show some signs of accepting responsibility for your own life.

You are right, I am the one that has to show the kids that I mean business now. And if they don't like it too bad. So what if their dad uses things against me, God will get him in the end. I did talk tonight to 2 very good friends. And they see the same as you all, and the counselor I am seeing. That this man is good at manipulating and that is what he is doing to me, because I AM LETTING him. It is hard taking these steps. But I have to do it for my good, and if the kids find it hard to accept, that is there problem.

I have been thinking about the health insurance issue. That if I am physically hurt more, will tell more when I see the Drs. soon, that I may file suit against XWH for physical abuse that is going to affect me the rest of my life. Someone here suggested that, and I may have to do this, to take care of myself the rest of my life. Since he thinks that he can just whip someone around, and cuss and spit at them and think nothing about the physical abuse. Cause like he stated here on MB, he didn't do it, I caused him to do it. Just like someone else caused him to have a sexual affair. Just like someone caused him to yell and cuss at the kids. Just like someone causes him to go ballistic so easily. He can sit here in my home, and believe himself to be in his house, cause I let HIM. WEll, he can take care of the problems he caused to me, cause of his demeaning ballistic attitude and physical abuse.

Oh, XWH was here on the computer. He left the computer to do something, and the son got on the computer, and XWH came back, and got on the son about leaving the computer alone. That is one thing that XWH is possessive about. His computer and nobody better touch it. He is like that with food, and many other things. He is very selfish, and me me me. I am starting to see it more clearly, and more intuned to his manipulative control.

Gentles thread was very good. Thank you. Yes the kids will have to see for themselves. And if they don't like me for the things I do to protect myself, that is their problem. Yes, it is going to hurt, but in the long run they will see the control that their father has done to me most of his life.

I didn't change the locks before, cause I had to find the instructions and the key. It is a pushbutton lock. STill having a hard time changing the locks. Can't seem to get it to work properly. So will try again tomorrow. If I have to, I will buy a new set, and get the locks changed. WE do have a locksmith in town, and I think if I am still having a hard time with changing the locks tomorrow, I will go talk to him on Monday.

I did talk to a cousin of mine tonight, and she did give me good advice like many of you. Yes, this man doesn't care about me. And yes, he is out to get whatever he can out of me. I am going to stick to my grounds, and if he wants to prevent any amicable communication between us, then I will stay away from him. I am praying that I get this other house, and sell this house. So many things not done in this house, and we have lived here for 14 years.

Also, he did get on me today, and I hung up on him after a few minutes of stating my opinion. I don't have to listen to him anymore, I don't have to take his demeaning words anymore. He did have the nerve to say the kids are screwed up because of me. WEll, body, he should look in the mirror once in awhile.

As far as getting him to do things. I am starting to get somethings rolling. I did get the papers signed to get my alimony and childsupport going. And he would sit here and say he can't do it, a bright man and can't fill out paperwork that states the plantiff and defendent. Was a very simple 2 pages to fill out. Just an excuse from him, cause this is what he has done most of his life.

As far as the health insurance, that is the next thing I am getting settled. I will see about getting health insurance that is not $5000 deductible. Yeah, XWH got the cheapest crap, but I am not going to accept this, and he will have to pay for good insurance for the next 2 years. Also, there are other issues, and if he wants to play his game, I can get someone to help me fight. There is someone who is willing to help me, annonymous. And I am taking some of the advice from this person.

This man is insane and needs medical attention. He doesn't treat his mother right, and has used her, and of course she is doing the same thing I have been doing, LETTING HIM USE HER!!!

Why is God allowing this man to continue on his non-christian path? That is what I don't really understand. And he professes to state here on his threads that he is a christian. Like foreverhers stated, he is not a christian. And he really isn't. Or he would be compassionate and thoughtful to others. But I see the path of him him him!

Well, I am on my way to bed. Took my drugs and they are starting to kick in. One day I will be off the drugs, when I am healed, and XWH has to pay for the drugs I am taking, since I have such lousy health insurance by the famous XWH. The phylosopher. Yeah Right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ForeverHers, just leave him be. You two seem to be on opposite sides, and just keep your faith in God. You have great knowledge of the Bible, that is important, and what XWH doesn't have is great knowledge of the Bible. Keep the verses coming, and who knows, maybe a miracle will happen with XWH. I would enjoy you to continue on your path of helping those of us who really want your help and knowledge of putting our faith and trust in God. Thank you for all you have done for me. These words bring me back to reality, and that is what counts.

I would appreciate if you would just leave XWH alone, and just keep showing him messages of God. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is God allowing this man to continue on his non-christian path? That is what I don't really understand. And he professes to state here on his threads that he is a christian. Like foreverhers stated, he is not a christian. And he really isn't. Or he would be compassionate and thoughtful to others. But I see the path of him him him! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Faith, I have to admit to being somewhat confused by your statements. Either you don't want me to address comments regarding SUFDB, or you do. I can't for the life of me figure out which it is, but in the interest of not causing you any additional unintended anguish, I will not try to answer your latest question in the second quote from above. Instead, let me direct you to a thread on the Recovery Board that you might find helpful, both for yourself and perhaps for some understanding of "why" he behaves as he does.

A_Grace's thread & a Godly Marriage ("How to" sort of thread)

Faith,

If you asked him to bring milk and bread then you gave him permission to come over.

I am sure we haven't lived in your shoes but you are making yourself a victim, if you want to be a victim then continue on as I am not giving you any more advice until you start taking the good advice that Kayla and others are giving you. It's like your only purpose on these threads is to prove once again that you are being victimized by a monster, SNL aka SUFDB. We already know this and we can't do a thing about it, you know what to do and only you can do it but instead you continue to complain on here and do nothing. That is your choice.

Anna

Anna

Keep working on those locks. Remember, this is a gift of sanity for yourself. It is also possible that a locksmith can rekey or reset your locks without as much expense as replacing them.

And don't ask this man to buy things and bring them over. That is giving him permission to come into the house upon occaision. You may be sending mixed messages. Perhaps your behavior is contributing to his behavior.

BTW, I am not convinced sufdb is snl. Their posts don't have the 'same feel'.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

BTW, I am not convinced sufdb is snl. Their posts don't have the 'same feel'. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cinderella, That's funny as I am 100% convinced it is him and just earlier I was thinking just like BSs could walk in on their WS in bed and naked cheating, and even though that evidence can be so much in black and white, if the WS doesn't admit it then BSs still can't be totally sure. It's like those people who still think OJ Simpson is innocent because he won't admit it. Why is it that people can't see the truth when it's there in black and white? That's just like SUFDB as long as he doesn't admit it on MB there will always be those who won't believe it's him.

Cinderella, your post to F4me was very good btw, as well as is your advice this time.

Just one comment on the locks changing though. F4me I do see where you are trying a little to make a change. However, I wonder if the locks changing is just enough to try to convince us that you are trying. As changing the locks won't change much as then SNL aka SUFBD can just ask the kids to let him in and I'm sure they will do it. The only way the locks changing will make a difference is if you stop telling SNL "Well if you are coming anyway bring food." or if you start calling the cops when he comes. That is in my opinion the only way it'll help, and if you aren't willing to do this then changing the locks is just a waste of time as I think you already know this.

Take care,

Anna

<small>[ November 30, 2003, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

You said this:

""stated before, asked for respect from him to enter this house. To call before coming, to ask if he can have dinner when there is food left over. But he said, he won't do it, and doesn't feel he has to.""

ARE YOU NUTS? YOU ARE STILL ASKING HIM TO COME OVER BY THESE STATEMENTS ABOVE?! GEEZE, TELL HIM TO NEVER COME OVER TO EAT OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON AND CHANGE THOSE DARN LOCKS.

FAITH, IF SATAN WALKED IN WHENEVER HE WANTED TO AND CAME AROUND AND ATE YOUR FOOD, WOULD YOU NOT CHANGE THE LOCKS???? WELL, THIS IS THE SAME THING!

Whoa, I know, I know. Getting the locks done tomorrow hopefully. I can't get the darn thing to work, there is a misalignment I think. Anyways, will talk to the locksmith.

The only reason I told him to bring milk and bread, was he was coming over anyway, without my okay. And so we needed the food, and I said bring some over. I won't go anymore into the food situation, just don't have anymore food stamps.

Yes, I am going to start laying the law down. I talked to another friend of mine today, and someone at church. I have to start laying the law down, cause he is doing just as some of the kids are doing. Taking me for granted. No more buying any food for them. They are fending for themselves, or elsewise, asking Xhusband. I have to consider myself, and the kids are showing me more and more that I don't mean anything. So it is going to come back at them. No more buying my oldest a little here and there. She is on her own now honey. No more seeing if she wants anything from the grocery store. Only food stamps for myself and my son. The rest are going to have to survive for themselves. Heck Xhusband doesn't have to worry about any of this. He buys what he wants and when he wants.

ForeverHers. If you want to e-mail me privately I would be glad to talk to you. Yes, I sent a mixed message. Any ?'s I will talk to you e-mail.

My life is not mine yet. I am getting there slowly, and yes, I will sue Xhusband if I am injured still. He doesn't have to suffer like I do, and he really doesn't care. Seen the facts and the facts are here. That is the uncaring phatom strikes, and we all know who he is.

This was our last thanksgiving together. And this will be our last xmas together. I Have already explained to the kids, it is time to rip the family apart, and reality is we are divorced, and it won't be long, if not now that your dad will have his girlfriend over. I said, it stinks, and your father being the wayward spouse wanted the divorce, and he got it. I told the kids it will be difficult for me, but that is life. The wayward spouse makes out okay, and the betrayed spouse has to fight, fight fight. I have done so much fighting against my xhusband, just to get the alimony and childsupport papers, and then I had to really fight. Otherwise, he would of sat on his butt for who knows how long. As long as he has the good money rolling in. He doesn't care.

Yep, SNL and Lurking about said, yes he would take care of me financially, and etc. But the truth is out, and it is okay. I know this man is not marriage material, and it is sad that I choose this man and he knew in his heart he had no committment to anyone. His next marriage will probably be the same way, or she will probably leave him for his demeaning actions, and belittling. He still puts the kids down, and I am sick of that.

Anyways, I am getting madder again. That is what the counselors tell me I need to do. I have been scared out of my pants because of xhusband. And there is still some tactics he uses on me. Therefore, I have to be careful in writing here, cause he reads my posts. He yelled at me the other day, about something I wrote. So more of the control, and he doesn't like he is losing control. But he wanted the divorce, and I am not here to kiss his butt. Yes, I am madd, and ready to do some serious stuff. Will see how I feel tomorrow. Bye for now. Have counseling, and finally seeing my therapist for my back. I am trying to stretch the inbetweens to save him some money, but do you think he really cares, nope. So during my time off of school, I am going to get one everyweek. I have so much trouble with my back and neck, and will soon find out with an MRI, and EMG. And seeing another back specialist. Yes he did batter me, and he won't admit it. That is another of his problems, he won't admit that he failed, he doesn't want you all here telling him he is wrong. Part of the control wheel.

I can admit I did wrong, and have to him many times. But when he starts blaming the kids on me, that is all part of his controlling behavior and manipulating. Let the kids go to him, and get stuff they need from him. In the long run they will see the one who really cares about their physical health, and mental health and happiness. I do care and love my kids. I would give my life for their life to be preserved.

ForeverHers, I am going to print out the thread. I read it quickly, am getting tired, and need to get to bed.

I did finish the 72 pages that I needed to read for ARt history. So by next Tuesday, I have 64 pages to read. The end of the book. And then the final exam after that. I will be so glad when this class is over. And If I get an A om this exam, at the University, I will have a B for the class. Didn't start out very good, but I redeemed myself, by talking to the professor, and stating that I have not had to study for 25 years. Gave me ideas, and got a high B on the last exam.

Talk to you guys later. Bye for tonight.

SNL=LURKING ABOUT=SUFDB=AN ABUSIVE MONSTER

<small>[ December 01, 2003, 02:01 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Everyone has good qualities and bad qualities. I would say that xhusband has good qualities, which he does. He is very very smart, he loves his kids, does provide them with plenty world wide interaction, he does give to them money when they ask, and he does talk to them if they listen. This is what God gave him, and I can say this with great admiration.

On the other hand, he does have bad qualities. He has the power to reject other peoples feelings, doesn't listen very well, which is evident, he seems to want to control everything around him, and he is demeaning and belittling. This is not Gods path, but the path of Satan. This brings sadness to Gods heart.

We all have the power to look inside of each other and find the good. I am sure he is able to do the same towards me. God knows, that I do not demean my kids, I don't demean xhusband, I do tell the kids that I don't like their fathers actions, the kids hear me say that I love them and love my motherinlaw and my mother and their father. I know that my xhusband has told the kids that they don't like my mother, and they have heard him call his own mother crazy. I know he calls me crazy, and who knows what else he has called me.

The path of God is for those who want to put their feet on it, and go forward. I am trying very hard, been difficult with his continuous belittling me and telling me what to do still. Sometimes, I do listen, but I have others that I ask for help that I feel they are giving me beneficial true help. So sad, that it has turned this way, but this man is not the man I married.

Anyways, I am off to counseling. This woman is good, and we are getting down to some good therapy sessions. Then I finally get my back done. Been two weeks, and it feels like 2 months.

When will you be changing the locks?

Had to make an appt. Can't seem to get them done by myself. Maybe I am not understanding the directions. But It is very SOON!!!! The guy is really busy right now, so I explained to him what type of lock, and took the directions in. He said it is easy to do, that I am just doing something wrong. So I will in the meantime try again, and again. But yes, I do have an appt. made. I really don't want to invest in new locks, since this place will be going up for sale this spring. I just want to get this place looking decent, and get rid of the material items that I really don't want or need. It is called, great downsizing project of 2004.

I would like all of you to critic my xhusband. I didn't mean to not interact with him at all. He needs emotional help seriously. And like we all know, he loves debate, so for those of you who want to interact in his debate, go for it. But for myself, I am interacting with God, and doing more and more with God. This is my will to move ahead, and have God in my life. I want to become like 2 very good friends of mine, and don't sweat about the little or big stuff, and give it all to God.

Yes, xhusband needs to be told where to stand here on MB. He has abused the forum, and has been banned. So as long as he behaves, you who want to interact with him, go for it. Someone here, needs to help this poor soul in his fumbling around, and demeaning marriages. All I am concerned about right now, is the newbies, and if xhusband were to respond with such marriage breakdown statements, this is not what marriage builders is for. So, please ForeverHers, and Baba, and all else, help this poor man.

Have to go, going to the library, few of us meeting for church tonight at the library. I have such good news with the church, I am excited, and only I wish that my kids were involved in the church. The messages are powerful, and this past Sunday we were told the true story of Mr. Scrooge. My kids didn't even know the true story and what an awesome testimony to all of us at church Sunday. I feel so renewed, more so than any ever church I have been in. Maybe God is helping me find myself, and find my nich in life. Well, time to get ready and go. Thinking about all of you. Bye Bye.

What would you like us to say to Sufdb, your Ex husband.

He won't listen to us, he just wants to spout more and more of his wordy garbage as much as he can. He coughs up his stupid words daily. What does he get out of posting, I have no idea.

See we know he hit the living daylights out of you and damaged you severly and may even have caused "brain" damage for all you know.

Certainly you should have never "spawned" his children nor stayed married to that abuser all those years. Why did you stay? Why did you bear his children for him? Why? Because of a mistaken idea God wanted you to be abused? I do not quite understand.


Why did you accept all that abuse? I would change the locks for you if you lived in the Pacific Northwest! I can change locks in less than 10 minutes.

But besides the physical locks, you need to change the locks on your heart so he never gets in there again. Let him abuse another woman, not you. He has another new woman to abuse does'nt he? Let him live with MOMMA and have sex with his new LOVE. He can abuse them both and both can listen to his garbage talk.

<small>[ December 02, 2003, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Baba - you asked a ? that he was asked over a year ago by another poster. They asked him, why if he never loved me, why did he procreate, and have 4 children. I don't believe he answered the question, like he does with most of the questions he is asked here. I stayed with my hsuband, out of love for this man. I was not happy, and there were times that I wanted to leave and he knew it. I was controlled & abused our whole marriage emotionally. I had to do things his way, or for fear he would be so upset when he came home. It was stupid to think back to those days that I would be afraid that he would find something I did wrong and yell. He would yell at me about a situation at school. Why didn't I handle it this way or that. I couldn't do anything right in his eyes. And I did try to please him, but you know what, I couldn't do it his way, and a controller will not see anyone elses way but his own, I was not myself.

I did think that having his children would be a delight in his eyes. Especially when we had our first boy, #3 child. I thought was a special event for him to have a son. Even coming home from the hospital, I remember speaking to him in the car, that I was so happy that he received his little boy. He seemed to be happy with his little son in our car. I stayed, cause I thought things would be better. I thought that he would admire me for my qualities, but he doesn't. When we were dating, he asked my mother what type of illness we had in our family, and defective manners. I didn't look at his family, and knew about the alcoholism that is very strong on both sides of his parents, his mother used to drink, but his father died drinking. Did I look at him and say, you are defective cause you come from alcoholism. Both sides of the family are heavy alcoholics. I didn't, I saw the man in front of my eyes, and admired him for him. I Look at the situation with the business, which he tells today and always, that his business was all his. Like I did nothing to make this business thrive. I did all the phone calls, bookwork, scheduling, taking care of the home, kids, Dr. appts. and etc. If it wasn't for me in the beginning, he would of had no business. Also, I worked parttime in a nursing home as a LPN. He is terrible with paperwork and scheduling. He wants to do things all his way. And his way is procrastination, and disorganization.

I stayed, cause I did love this man, and wanted to spend the rest of our time together. We did go to counseling, he had some habits that were not pleasant, and yes Xhusband, you know what those were, and they were real issues, even the kids complained about it. This is radically honest.

As of today, he calls to tell me today that there is a way to expedite the procedure of processing the paperwork he should of done way back in August. Since he just turned it in last week. And it is to inconvenience me. He wants (both of us have to appear) downtown court, and be there at 7am, which is 1 hour away. And wait in line, and the first 18 people can see the referee and have things processed. He is not even positive, cause I asked him, are you 100%. He couldn't say, but he doesn't mind me getting up that early, on a day that I have school, and then go to school afterward and try to study. And not know if this is 100% correct. You have to be the first 18 people, which he is not even sure of that. I just said, if you would of filed the papers like you were suppose to way back, I would of been receiving my alimony and childsupport as of now. Then he gets into telling me how to regulate my income, and how to get a tax person, and make sure they are a tax accountant. I said I have someone from church, and I trust her. Her and her husband know the position I am in. I DON'T TRUST xhusband. He has not put my emotional status of his affair, my fathers death, and after in his mind and has not been thoughtful towards me with the money situation and the turmoil, and the disconnect. I have seen what a selfish man he is. And yes he uses the same words, he can't help his disorganization. I tell him, he has been like this his whole life. I even found seminars for him to go to, and I even gave him the book 'Organize from the inside out' to read, and he didn't even bother. SEe, he likes to yell ohhh poor me, but he won't do anything about it. He uses it as a crutch. It is becoming clearer and clearer to me. And now he has to do all this on his own, he is in a big mess. I am already getting all my stuff ready for the tax accountant. I have things xeroxed off to give her, and I will be giving her the material she needs ON TIME. That is another thing, he doesn't do things on time.

I would like all of you to help him in any way you can. Critic him, he needs it. And if you have to, call his bluff. And turn things around on him. All of you know who he is by his name now, and he will probably sign off and come on again as a new name. But anyone here who doesn't give their background, is a cop out. And is a liar. Anyone who responds in such a secretive manner is using the good people here as ping pong balls. Just like ForeverHers, Xhusband is using him, and there is major conflict there. But Xhusband is to learn that being RADICALLY HONEST, works both ways, not just one way. Which he states all the time that he is radically honest, and as I and many of you see he is not being honest with the good people here. I could go into the things he has stated that are totally out of context, but I won't. And yes, he did have SEX with the other woman. And yes, I believe he is seeing her by phone or private e-mails, or in person as of today. There are signs that it is happening, and you know what, let him go to her. She is nothing to be proud of, she is nothing that I would want to admire. So if this is what he wants, good for him, as long as she makes him happy. We all know it won't last for long, cause she is a freaking liar, and a wh*re. Anyone who cheats on her husband, 2 times for sure, and uses the other mans wife to coerce and manipulate is a freaking psycho and who knows how many more times she has had affairs, and then she does it in the church with the pastor, oh my, The Lord should of put a strike of lightening into both of them in the act. But the Lord is putting the strikes on them in real life. Like he is probably putting the strikes on xhusband, until he repents and asks for forgiveness, and shows remorse.

Do as you all wish with xhusband. He is not my concern here. All I am doing is telling it like it is. The control freak is still after me, and I am learning to walk away, or turn my back on him. For I DON'T TRUST this man. He had the nerve to take my money out of the account I had for the first surgery I had on my arm and was the settlement money. He knowing it was for the house that he bought for him and the other woman. It was never for me, and he even said that one time I was never to get the house in Arizona for us. So he took my money that I suffered and still suffer with and took it without any remorse or bad feelings. Shows what kind of wayward spouse he is. A selfish man, and took cash from us, while I was working my butt off on this business taking calls and doing the bookwork, while his big fat wh*re sits at home and cooks dinner, and has nothing else to do, but get a man hooked on the internet and then the cell phone and then when they get together, she wants to go to the hotel and have sex. That is the type of woman he wants, he can have her, if I ever see her in person I hope I have the flu and throw up on her.

So Baba - do what you want with him to help him. I would consider doing it in a relatively strick manner, but in a decent manner. He will fight you till he says, quit picking on him. Seems that is what happens, when one tries to get more out of him than what he wants to give, cause he is not being radically honest. Then he goes into, someone is picking on him. But hey, if one is not honest, they deserve no more.

I am still praying for my xhusband, and the church is praying for him. That is all I can do, so good luck Baba, and yes, I am getting angry, which is good, cause that is when I start protecting myself, and that is who counts for now, me and the kids. Bye.

You spent so much time posting about him and helping him...getting others to help him. getting your church to pray for him...him him him him...

He's gone. You have to do what I do. Leave him be. Get on with YOUR life. It's out there I can prove it to you.

Sure, we can empathize with you and I sure can about a controller and an abuser...and an adulterer...but that's the way it is. He is who he is ok?

When are you going to only focus on YOU and the KIDS?

I even caught you directly addressing SNL in this last post. Do you think asking other posters to critique him is going to help somebody that does NOT want to be helped? What is it? Is a group vote going to make him different or want to reconcile or something he isn't wanting to do?

I think you want him back. Yea, after long thought I do. And you want him to be magically "fixed" as well. Well, don't we all wish our x's woke up and wandered out and had the magic marriage fairy sprinkle happy dust and make our memories of their crap go away. Well, I wouldn't at all consider in any way taking back my xh the way he is living now. And if he changed I couldn't even begin to say b/c that's such a dad gum longshot.

I don't know what to write. You said you had a career prior as a LPN. You could do that again as that's a decent living. And all you do is try to figure out why you should NOT try to go to the courthouse and get the papers done because you don't trust xh. I would go and if he's wrong, let him be wrong. But if he's right you get paid.

I am not going to critique this guy. We know what he is. He knows who he is too. I am now wondering my friend if you are searching your soul to find who you are now....post divorce...

I like who I am now much more than before.

Bravo, Peachy!!!

A mirror to see the person Faith should work on might be a great Christmas present.

Faith, you can not work on him. Can not. Can not. Can not.

But you can work on you. What do you need to do? To learn? To accomplish?

You haven't quit working on him so you haven't had the energy to work on yourself. That is where your time and energy would be better spent. Spend them on something you can actually do something about.

You!