Well, hubby stopped today. Brought our daughter a cute little dress.Started talking about his new job..and then he started crying.He said he made a horrible mistake leaving us, he said that he missed us and that he had nothing to live for. My heart tore in two inside although I showed no emotion outside. I love this man, I care for this man but he is not happy with me .He is the one who said he wanted a divorce, he is the one who walked out the door. I never wanted to spend my life with anyone one but him. But he has showed me a side to him in the last year that is different from the man I married. I wanted so bad to tell him that he could come back that we could work on this..then I thought...I thought of the personal adds he placed on line in August looking for men in our area to have a relationship with, I thought of the day he left when he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and didn't find me attractive...and then I thought yes I care for this man but if I let him come home we will be doing this same thing in another 10 months. I know this because we went thru this 10 months earlier...he left me and our daughter said he wanted his freedom and within the week he was begging to come home because he was missing us so horrible that he couldn't live with himself. So instead of asking him to come home...I told him that I loved him that I would always care for him, but I could not live a life not knowing for sure if the man I was married to really loved me or was he just with me for an easier life, so he could blame someone else for his mistakes instead of himself. Then I told him that my work would pay for counseling for him if he wanted. I told him that it didn't change the fact that he wasn't coming home but it would be something he needed to do for himself, not me nothis daughter or anyone else but himself,to learn what he really wants out of life and how to get the self esteem to get it.
He left crying and my heart broke in a million peices....but right now I can not be there to make his life all better because now I have my own to worry about. Am I wrong in this situation? I honestly thought we would be together forever, I took my vows seriously when we married...For better or worse..in good times and in bad...but home many bad times do I need to endure before I quit? I feel a peace in my heart that I am making the right decision for both us but I feel guilty that he is hurting so much.

Any Advice???

Wrong? No you're not wrong.

You're smart to spot a pattern,

self-respecting enough to refuse to be played,

compassionate enough to offer for him to go to counseling paid for by his insurance,

wise enough to realize that he isn't the man he pretended to be when you married him,

and you're special enough to know you shouldn't have to settle for a man willing to cheat on you through internet ads for other men.

You're human and humane. You were sincere in your live, you still are. In my opinion, you are doing the right thing. Hang in there. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ November 24, 2003, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: Bellevue ]</small>

Just wanted to say that I admire your strength!

Sorry, but the best decisions are rarely the easy ones.

You're ex really didn't leave you with a lot of easy choices. He made the choices that forced you to make decisions for the protection of your daughter, and by extension yourself.

This man must face the normal, natural consequences of his actions. Until he does that, any decision to allow him back into the marriage just puts you and your daughter back on the merry go round.

It occurs to me that it took an awful lot of love on your part to do what you did. It shows great love for your daughter and her father too. You must take care of yourself so you can take care of the daughter he chose to abandon. You made the best decision for everyone in the family.
And yes, your strength is to be admired.