My wife had an affair, after 11 years of marriage. At least she said she did, which I believe, next day said she didn't. After taking a few days to cool off, said she couldn't remember-too drunk. Finally after a month, and begging for the truth, she was mad and said she didn't again. I have told her after that last argument that it was a dead subject. But now I know what it is to love, but not in love, because she can't or won't be honest. What do I do?<BR> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I am not an expert but I have also had to deal with my spouse's dishonesty. Maybe, try and explain to your wife about how much you need to be able to trust her, and honesty is very important to the relationship. Show her the MB website (if she hasn't already been). Say, you can't deal with the affair if you don't know what happened, and you want to put it behind you but you need to deal with it first.<p>Best of luck<p>A.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ceecil:
<strong>My wife had an affair, after 11 years of marriage. At least she said she did, which I believe, next day said she didn't. After taking a few days to cool off, said she couldn't remember-too drunk. Finally after a month, and begging for the truth, she was mad and said she didn't again. I have told her after that last argument that it was a dead subject. But now I know what it is to love, but not in love, because she can't or won't be honest. What do I do?
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'M NOT IN A POSITION TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ADVICE AT THIS POINT, ONLY TO SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR DESIRE TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM THE HELL OF AN AFFAIR.
MY WIFE BECAME INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN FROM HER WORK PLACE IN NOVEMBER, 2000. AFTER I BECAME AWARE OF IT IN APRIL, 2001, SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS MOVING INTO AN APARTMENT WITH THIS MAN IN JUNE, 2001 AND ENDING OUR MARRIAGE. THAT DID NOT HAPPEN AND WE ARE STILL TOGETHER, BUT NOT HEALING OUR RELATIONSHIP YET. SHE HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO START THE RECONCILIATION PROCESS DUE TO, AS SHE CLAIMS "THE BITTERNESS" SHE FEELS TOWARD ME. I THINK SHE IS NOT ABLE TO FACE THE DIFFICULT TIME AHEAD IN WORKING ON RECONCILIATION OR DIVORCING ME. SO I WAIT PATIENTLY, SOMETIMES IMPATIENTLY FOR HER, AVOIDING ANY LOVE BUSTERS IN HOPES OF THE CHANCE FOR A HEALING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.<p>[ November 07, 2001: Message edited by: I JUST DO NOT KNOW ]<p>[ November 07, 2001: Message edited by: I JUST DO NOT KNOW ]</p>

if you want to save the marriage she has to be a player on your team [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>if she wont or dosent want to be ...eventually you will have to decide for how long you can take this and just how much unhappiness you can tolerate<p>perhaps you will decide that you are worth more than all this degredation<p>has she ever been able to tell you why she strayed? prolly not since now she is back to lying to you<p>can you trust her at all now?<p>either talk or make a solo decision not to be hurt and move on<p>
just my opinion mind you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]