feel that I have my feet on the ground from this divorce that my former wife still somehow manages to interrupt it?

The last year or so of our life has been a huge struggle. At times she would mention joint counseling and then 2 weeks later balk at the idea.

When the discovery of OM 2 showed up she went ballistic and filed for divorce 7 days later. During her announcement conversation she in so many veiled ways accused me of molesting our daughter. I did not have the heart to drag our daughter through that kind of garbage. All I asked for was a very liberal visitation policy. That I got.

But in a continued effort to be cordial for the sake of our children she has somehow managed to keep that hardened shell up about herself.

Less than 30 days after her divorce is final I get calls from our youngest daughter.

Mommy is in the kitchen hugging OM and I don;t like him

Honey, Mommy is a single woman now and she is free to do that. Does Mommy know that you are on the phone.

No sir, bit I do not like him

A few days later I pick the children up for our typical Tuesday night out. I have 3 angry children with me. It seems that "Mommy" was giving OM long, wet, sloppy disgusting kisses in the parking lot of a local ballfield.

I hold off on saying anything to my former wife but explain to our children that Mommy is a single woman now and that she can do this. But....I can see where it makes you angry or upset. As our children you are entitled to express your anger but you have to do it in a productive way.

Much like you all tell me about my smoking,

Daddy, I do not like it when you smoke. Would you please not smoke in front of me?

I have to options and I choose to respect their wishes and not smoke in front of them.

I explain that they are entitled to express those same words to their mother.

Mom, I feel angry and hurt when I see you kissing/hugging/holding hands with this OM. Would you please not do this in front of me?

Well they tried it. Her basic reply was "just deal with it"

So, I finally called and spoke with her.

Trusting's wife, I understand that I cannot control or change you. That you are a free woman and no longer my wife but the children and I both would really appreciate it if you could refrain from including them in you outings with this OM. Can't you see the effect it has on them.

Well.....I am quite sure that our attitudes and actions had a huge impact on how they are today so I guess they will just have to deal with it.

Ouch! Well...the kids were not kidding about statement.


But I guess to amke a long story short.

In the last 2 weeks she has appeared to soften a bit. Lord, she called over the weekend to tell me she was going out of town! (I had the children but she did not ask to speak to them) For the first time in several months the children's clothes were actually packed when I arrived to pick them up. There was even a not with my name on it.

Trusting

The childrens clothes are hanging on the foor. The three suitcases on the floor are their's. All of their shoes and stockings are in there too. Have a good weekend.

Thanks,
Trusting's (former) Wife

That was Friday. She called Saturday to tell me where she was going. She called Sunday to see if I wanted to just keep the children's clothes since I was picking them up again on Tuesday for the Holidays. (gotta take them back on Sunday) When the children called that night for their bedtime prayers she got on the phone several times for really just nothing questions.

During one of these calls I asked if I could go through the decorations that were left over. Even after their tree is decorated there would be 30 boxes left from stuff that we have mad and painted over our 17 years. She said that would be fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> OK, so it seems like she is softening a bit.

Monday night our oldest daughter tells me that they bought me some Christmas Decorations. Bought! Why? There are plenty left. She tells me that I am still getting those but that Mom had grabbed them and told to to come on and go shopping for decoratons for Daddy. OK, so I am a little confused here.

She gets back on the phone to tell me that the children have three new matching shirts to wear for Thanksgiving and that they would be on the counter.

Upon arriving today to get the children there the decorations are. A good many, all nice and very thoughtful. All handpicked by her nd the children from a nice Christmas Shop here in town. I remember my daughter telling me "I won't tell you what we spent but you have some decorations." And the shirts too. But there is an additional shirt which the children tell me is mine. One that Mommy bought for me.

But while getting some additional socks and undergarmets for the youngest daughter I see all these new pictures in the bedroom. Yes...pictures of her latest fling. Dresser, nightstand, bookcase, ceader chest and even the bathroom.

She's got more pictures of this guy out then she ever had of me. Well not really but mine cam down last Christmas and I had to finally go and dig them out and put back up.

So.....I know that reconcillation will never take place as long as there is a third party involved but why the somewhat suddden change in her attitude toward me.

Of course my mind has already conjured up many...many different reasons but before they become a permenant part of that puzzel I started last year I needed a little additional input.

TH, very nicely done website! I do feel for you in your Divorce and how you're just going thru what you are so soon. However, you are on the RIGHT TRACK with the website and journal/Blogger! I too, had a Journal back in those dark days right after my divorce -- well I had this little laptop computer that was so old it wouldn't even run Windows 3,1 ha! So what happened? Well... the computer died one day, and I lost everything I had written on it. No way I could retrieve what was on the Hard Drive.
You have a better idea - put it on your webpage. And I like your site name Jehovah-Rophe - what a beautiful concept! It sounds like you are well on the Road Of Divorce Recovery. You are a real inspiration, thank you for posting this and also for your Webpage.
May the Lord continue to bless you, Harold

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Trusting Her:
<strong>feel that I have my feet on the ground from this divorce that my former wife still somehow manages to interrupt it?

The last year or so of our life has been a huge struggle. At times she would mention joint counseling and then 2 weeks later balk at the idea.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Trusting, ref. the final line in my post by Mr. Spock of Star Trek. "Sometimes having is not so good a wanting". I think that's where your XW is at right now. IMHO that is why she couldn't make up her mind about MC and probably forced herself to believe that divorce could magically wipe all her troubles away. Of course it didn't. Now the reality of life is beginning to assert itself. I'll give you my take on it.

<strong>It seems that "Mommy" was giving OM long, wet, sloppy disgusting kisses in the parking lot of a local ballfield.</strong>

Mommy may watch movies and TV and tried to base her concept of happiness from them. All the heavy kissing in public is TV love. It will eventually turn off the OM and frustrate her. It may flatter him, but in time he may take your XW for granted. XW will never get the respect or love she wants by acting cheap. Even slime bucket OM like a challenge.

<strong>Mom, I feel angry and hurt when I see you kissing/hugging/holding hands with this OM. Would you please not do this in front of me?

Well they tried it. Her basic reply was "just deal with it"</strong>

Now how mature does that sound? She is still delusional but the illusion will fade, but she is going to force it to stay....NOT! It won't last. She thought that divorce would bring her to Shangrala. Deep inside she knows this can't be but is trying hard to supress that reality .

<strong>....The childrens clothes are hanging on the foor. The three suitcases on the floor are their's. All of their shoes and stockings are in there too. Have a good weekend.

Thanks,
Trusting's (former) Wife</strong>

Displaying respect is a good sign.

Trusting's EX:
"Hummm! perhaps Trusting and being married to him wasn't such a bad thing after all! Well I can't tell him that or even admit to myself just yet. I'll just treat him with more respect instead of admit that I screwed up. Maybe if I just wait, everything will just get all better by itself. I saw it in countless chic flicks and TV sitcomms."

<strong>I see all these new pictures in the bedroom. Yes...pictures of her latest fling. Dresser, nightstand, bookcase, ceader chest and even the bathroom.

She's got more pictures of this guy out then she ever had of me. Well not really but mine cam down last Christmas and I had to finally go and dig them out and put back up. </strong>

Again, it's a fantasy world she is trying to make herself believe in. I think there are cracks in it, I think you see them too and I even think she is beginning to also, but it will be embarrassing for her face that reality. Some lessons are best left to learn the hard way.

<strong>So.....I know that reconcillation will never take place as long as there is a third party involved but why the somewhat suddden change in her attitude toward me.

Of course my mind has already conjured up many...many different reasons but before they become a permenant part of that puzzel I started last year I needed a little additional input. .</strong>

You are wise not to jump to conclusions. She may even try another relationship before she figures out that she can't just bed her way to happiness and true love. She has that with you. Down deep I think she knows that. How to bring it out? I don't know. If I was good at that I could fix my own marriage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

How to bring that back? Profession

P.S.

TH:
Love your website. Very well done.

Sincerely,

That puzzle I was talking about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

RESPECT never even entered into it. At least not from her to me.

There are many who say that it is the losee of respect that plays into the downfall of a marraige more than just that lack of communication that so many talk about.

So, possibly....this is a way that she is beginning to respect me. Funny how I missed that one.

Thanks!

The pictures were only put out Monday evening. But upon seeing them I was reminded of our daughters room. You know how young girls plaster their walls with their latest heartthrobe, that's exactly what I thought about.

*chuckles* It's funny. The secand man's wife and I still communicate sometimes. She made a comment that my wife must have this thing for short fat men. These last two guys look a lot alike.