My wife just doesn't seem to care about me at all. I have tried and tried to be the perfect husband. I pay all of the bills (mine and hers, she stopped giving me money about 5 months ago, it cost me about 5000 a month to keep the ball rolling, and trust me, we do not have that extravagant of a life style. She even rubs the fact that I am having a hard time paying the bills in my face. I have $30,000 in credit card debt because of her. I do 90% of the laundry, I do all of the cooking, I have bought her lots and lots of jewelry, write her love letters one or two times a week, give her massages, buy her flowers once or twice a week, make her coffee every morning, take care of the children, etc. etc. etc.. But, all I get from her is "back off", I don't like flowers, I am not the affectionate type, I have a low sex drive,I don't want to read that book, , etc. etc.!! She works six days a week get about 40 hours, comes home from work around 4 pm with a bag from Wal-Mart everyday, talks on the phone,goes to sleeps til 9 or so, gets up talks on the phone, does her nails or something, goes back to bed by 10:30 gets up at 3 am leaves for work at 4 cycle starts all over again. Sundays (her day off) mostly consist of sleeping and watching T.V., talking on the phone. So many things here I could type here, I could be here typing for two days. Sorry if I am rambling. I am going crazy, I get so frustrated,I just can't believe my wife is so selfish. Her absolute refusal to meet my needs causes me to Love Bust big time'on average of once every 4 weeks or so, I don't want to do it, but it is like an avalanche when it comes out. She cares for and has conversation with everyone else in the world but me($500 in phone bills last month). I have provided for at least one of her family members for the past 2 1/2 years. First her father, then her brother. I even paid for schooling and trained her brother, for a career where he can make very good money. All for nothing. Everything was fine in my opinion, until June or July, she started sneaking intiment items lacy panties, etc. out of the house. I became suspicious, so I started snooping. That's when I found some inappropriate e-mails being exchanged between her and her boss. They said stuff like he really cares for her and doesn't want to hurt her in any way, that he really, really, really missed her while he was on vacation, and every letter ended with 'Love You'. I confronted her about them, she denied it all. I exploded and called her a "dirty F'ing whore" and threw the printed e-mails and the hidden panties at her. That's when in her opinion she turned into the victim and all of the sudden the last 8 years of our marriage where just pure hell for her. It's all my fault that we are in this situation according to her. We separated for 4 days (she stayed with a girl friend), I asked her to come back. She said she wouldn't do the e-mails anymore, she ended up just closing her yahoo and opening a hotmail account and doing it all over again, which I found out 3 days later. We separted for a month or so (stayed with the girlfriend again). I asked her come back to help with the kids while I worked a temp contract position, where I was only home enough time to sleep for about two months (I worked nights, so I never saw her). Work ended she stayed, been about a month since then. I stayed on the couch for a while, resolved that we can sleep in same bed, I just can't touch her. Counseling didn't work I quit going about a week ago. I went to an attorney, but, couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't love her, but, I do love the person I married 8 years ago. I did admit to her before we went to counseling (to clear my conscience, and maybe to get her to admit she was having an affair)that prior to our marriage, while I was stationed in California, I went to a swingers club and had sex with a couple of girls, like I said, we weren't married, we weren't even engaged, but, she was pregnant with my child. I know it was way wrong, If I could change the past I would, but, I can't. I have read "His needs, Her needs", "Men are from Mar, Women are from Venus". Nothing works. She still denies any foul play on her part, but did admit to caring for several other people a little beyond friendship. I haven't been able to find any absolute proof of an affair, I've tried testing for semen on her panties, but, have found no proof. But, I just don't trust her, and I am always suspicious. I am starting to think she is a lesbian. I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I am becoming so depressed, I can barely move sometimes, I pull my truck over on the way to work and just go to sleep. Just finding it hard to function lately. I have thoughts of suicide daily. I don't think I could actually kill myself though, just think about it. I don't know what to do anymore. I am on anti-depressants, but, they really don't seem to work. I told my wife of my depression, and she just doesn't believe it. She just seems like she sits around ignoring me, waiting for my next episode of Love Busting. I don't know what to do. I have scheduled an appointment with a different counselor for individual counseling, but, I know I will not be able to afford it. Sorry for the short story. I am open for any suggestions on what to do. Should I just move on and get a divorce, should I hang in there? I am going crazy!

Tried2much:
How long have you been on antidepressant and which one? I am on Wellbutrin and it took about 6 to 7 weeks before I finally realized they were working.

Sorry about the turmoil and pain you find yourself in. You really can't do anything to change your wife, but you can change you. IMO, you seem to be coming across a desperate to hold on to your W. I did it. We think we are coming across as caring and loving, but when they get the attitude our efforts look needy and whimpy to them. Very unattractive to the opposite sex. I would suggest a book "Love must be tough". Better than that, is an online downloadable book "How to Stop Your Divorce" It is by Homer McDonald. It is expensive, about $80 to down load, but I think it is well worth the reading.

It has topics in it like:
"The more you need it, the less your going to get it" and "Quit saying I love you". "If you don't like getting what you get, stop doing what you do". What the book is saying is the harder you try to change someone the more resistant to change they will be. They will change themselve it they want. Don't pressure them. Just take care of yourself.

There's others here more familiar with MB principals than I am. Read everything you can from MB, there is so much good information.
Good luck

I do agree with the other poster that you have to work on yourself, and read. I would suggest individual counseling, and anti-depressants. One may not work for you, you may need to try another one. I did switch from one to another, and that was a good switch for me, during my husbands sexual affair and betrayal. I am still on anti-depressants and will continue probably for another 6 months.

Your wife is using you and getting her cake and ice-cream too. I would set boundaries and show that you do love her, but not overwhelm her.

I think counseling for you and your wife would be best, but if not, then for yourself.

tried2much
The first thing you need to understand is that this is not just your fault. Marriage takes 2

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't love her, but, I do love the person I married 8 years ago </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I tend to think that this may not be the person you married 8 yaers ago. Your screen name says alot. I think you tried to please her too much and have neglected yourself. It took me a while to realize that I am person also and not just a husband or father. You need to take care of you. Go to counciling. Do some things for you for a change.

tried2much--

STOP!

*chuckles* I now exactly how you are feeling and I cannot even begin to express the pain and agony that you are going through.

The others have given you the best advice possible. There is absoutley nothing that you can do to make your wife changed her mind about herself or you.

Her preception of the marriage is her's. Your preception is your's and they both have valid points. Once eother spouse becomes involved with another person outide of the marriage the things that they say and do once caught are beyond explaining.

The best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself. Look at areas of your life that you know you can improve on and begin working on them.

Read this site. As you read the many people who post here with their problems and stiches you will soon see a common thread. All wayward spouses say the sme thing. They all read from the same script. Here in the USA, across the ocean in England, Europe, China, Africa it is all the same thing. I find it amazing that these people can somehow get together and manage the language barriers to all agree on the same story, same line, same script.

But the opposite side of that is we as the betrayed spouses also have a script we follow. Read here and stop the script. I do believe that if I had just gone on with my life when I first discovered about these other men that our marriage might have been salvagable. As it was....all I managed to portray to my spouse was that she could do anything...anything at all and that I would always love her. That I would always be there for her. And she did exactly that.

So....read, digest, listen....but most of all put your foot down. Set your boundaries and then enforce them. At this point you have absoutely nothing to lose by doing this and everything to gain. Namely a marriage that reaches recovery. But you must remember that once you set those boundaries they have to be enforced, you have to stand firm, lines crossed, speak out in a loving and caring way but do not back down.

It took me well over a year to reach a point where I could look at myself and believe in me and know who I was. Mostly because I chose to believe my wife and her lies about me. Do not even go there. She has rewritten the entire history of you all marraige to justify to herself why she has done this.

You find the truth in that about yourself and get on with your life. Yes, you can still love her, but bear in mind that this is a choose that you make and it can be done from the same house or even from a different state,

Plan A - Work on yourself so that your wife see a new you. This is FOR YOU and not for her. She may get to reap the benefits one day but for now this is all about you.

Have children? Spend every available minute with them. They NEED someone that has a stable mind and can reassure them that their life and future is still somewhat intact. Take all the time, engery and resources that you are now utilizing to try and win you wife back and use them for yourself and children.

Plan B - I never got there but should have. Once you see that Plan A is not stopping her relationship or affair, whatever you choose to call it, move on to Plan B. There are many people here who can testify that it works sometimes. If it doesn not, you have lost nothing. For all pratical purposes the marriage itself is over and she is just along for the ride.

LIsten to these people. Because I thought that something would work for me because I was different, unique or whatever reason is no reason to not listen or apply the principals here.

TAKE CARE of YOURSELF.

God Bless

Thank you all for your advice and support. I really appreciate the fact that you all are out there. I don't really have friends I can really turn to, to talk about things like this. Things have gotten a little strange around here since yesterday. I will get to that in a bit.

As far as my meds, I am on Paxil, When I first asked about them, it was because I was having extreme mood swings. I would go from sobbing one minute to extremely pissed off the next minute(I was also under extreme stress from work at the time). The doctor put me on 12.5 mg Paxils. I was on those for about 4 weeks, it did help with the mood swings. Then they increased the dosage to 25 mg about 1 1/2 weeks ago, because I wasn't having a significant improvement in how I felt. Since then, is when I've really started to slide into deep depression. I am starting to think they are causing it. Anyone know if that is possible? I am also taking a large regiment of vitamins everyday, I have been on a low carb diet for a while. Which if you saw me, you would probably ask why? I'm 5' 7" weigh 145 lbs, and am fairly trim and fit. I did have a beer gut, but, that is gone, I do 70 situps, and 50 push ups a day. I started doing all of that after the initial separation. I am sure it has a lot to do with insecurity about my appearance.

Last night, my wife came home as usual, she stayed up for a while, I asked her what we were going to do for T-day. We agreed to make a turkey. She said she would go grocery shopping with me, we needed alot of stuff anyway. But, she didn't want to go right then to avoid the crowd. A half hour later she was in her coma like state on the Living room floor as usual, I waited a couple hours for a sign of life out of her, I finally just said "Well, I'm going shopping" she woke up long enough to say "bye", The kids didn't want to go either. So, I went by myself. Spent 2 1/2 hours at the store, Got two cart loads which required two trips in and out. Then I hauled them all home. spent a 1/2 hour bringing them all in the house by myself. And another hour putting them away while sleeping beauty sawed logs. Dejavu, because that's almost exactly what happened the last time I went shopping too. When I was done (about 10:30), I walked out and sat and watched sleeping beauty for a while. Then I thought the hell with this, So, went over to the neighbors and drank beer with them (got fairly drunk), and talked about what was going on here at home. I came home around 2 or so. My wife finally woke up. I started to have a conversation with her. I took everything into consideration that you all have said, and basically wanted to tell her in a nice way that I Loved her and things were going to change. I said to her that if she wanted to get a divorce that I would be civil about it, and I would still love her if that is what she wanted. But, when I said it, the words "Are you sure!" flowed out of her mouth show easily it just pissed me off and I lost it. Almost like she was enthusiastic about it. She didn't skip a beat, stone cold and heartless. Just like she has been sitting around waiting for me to say that for months. I took my wedding ring off opened the front door and through it down the street. Then, I went and got hers and through it down the street too! (yeh, I know childish, but it felt really good at the time). We actually then kind of had an almost civil conversation, I showed her what I wrote here, and asked her if what I wrote was off base, she said "that it wasn't" but, I went a step further, and started with the disrespectful judgements. That's when she walked away, I followed her up to the room, I kept talking she shut down and stopped listening. I calmed down and went to sleep. This morning, when I woke up I felt different than I did yesterday, not good, still bad, but a little different kind of bad. As for my wife, it is so bizarre, she actually cleaned and is cooking, she made me a cup of coffee, I think it is just her attempt to be civil, so that I will soften up, and not be bitter if and when we get divorced.

I still hate what is going on and I still love her, I want to break down and cry, because I just can't bear the thought of starting my life over without her. I am still just blown away as to why she can be such an uncaring, heartless person. But, I know deep inside that I must move on and take care of me. But, I feel so much sadness. It is hard to imagine everything I have worked for in our lives being gone because she can't seem to care, and is not even willing to try. How can you love someone so much, and they just don't love you back? That is the hard painful truth that I have to swallow. I wish, I could be just as heartless and cruel as her. That would make this so easy. I would just kick her [censored] out the door and move on with life. But, I just can't be like that!

Anyway, I definitely agree that I need more individual counseling. I just hope that I can find one that truely seems to care about something besides emptying my wallet. That's pretty much how I felt about the last one. There was no plan or grand scheme of things, just crap that didn't help anything. She would forget who I was from one session to the next. People would come and go like an assembly line. The new one I called wants $175 for the first visit and $90 for every session after that. I think that is ridiculous. But, what else can I do.

I intend to get those books, and maybe a couple more. If it is too late for this marriage, then maybe they will at least help if I ever meet someone in the future.

For now, I am just going to move on to Plan 'B', I guess. Plan 'B' is going to be hard to implement. At first I will have to put on a poker face. Try to pretend like I don't care. Hopefully, after sometime, It will actually be true. It is going to be hard. Right now all I want is a hug from her, but, it is the absolute worse thing for me right now I know. Maybe separation right now is the best thing. I am going to try and take it one step at a time, I am just having a hard time seeing which direction to go. I know I need to help my kids.

Man does this whole thing suck!!! Thanks again for your replies.

Hi there,

I'm practically right there with you.It is the hardest most awful feeling to go through this.But the one thing that keeps popping back into my head even when I am at my most worst moments is that, "I will be ok no matter what happens". Keep telling yourself this.

Part of the fear I think is the unknown.I too hate the thought of "starting over" on my own or even with someone else if divorce ever happens to be the case for me and my WH but have to believe that deep down inside,somewhere is the stronger me climbing to get out.I am separated now and that is not what I wanted but I still have to continue to try and make myself stronger and think stronger each day as much as my body will allow,for my kids and myself so I ride the rollercoaster and wait to get off at the next stop of emotions and ride the next one too until it gets easier,hopefully.

The glimmer of any hope here is not will my husband come back to me and our marriage will work it is "I will be ok no matter what happens".For that feeling,I will keep praying for God to help me gather my strength in.Then I can deal with anything my husband dishes out.

Also, I am taking Remeron as an AD and it is helping a lot(although I may need a higher dose soon).You should talk to your doctor about the "depression" you are feeling while still on the Paxil and the higher dose.

October

to :tried to much..Boy sounds like you really have problems there I dont know about you questioning your wifes sexuality but maybe you should question yours it sounds like if you are checking your wifes panties for semen you have a problem and you may be the one needing professional help

tried2much
We seem to be in the same place at the same time. Only dif is I've been seperated almost 3 months.
I too am going into plan B full blow but I'll put my problem in another post.

One thing that I have found that gives me a better outlook is planning for my future. It sounds like you have probably done many things during your M as I have. I always felt that everything we have done was what we wanted but looking back it has usually been me giving in to try to keep her happy. Now I look at things and say "When I get my own place I'm going to get one of them" It makes me feel a little better knowing that It will be what I want. I also look foward to bringing my kids shopping for things for my new place.
The little sense of independence is relieving at times.

Read Boundries in Marriage and Dobsons Love Must Be Tough.

From the sounds of things, you are enabling her. You dont have to be mean or get angry but you need to set some boundries. This needs to be done in love and communicated well as such but you need to have healthy boundries. Of course she will never admit to the A. Why is that important? You know, right? If you want to be sure hire a detective but then you will need to decide what you will do next. Often we find out what we dont want to know so be careful. Anger will drive her away so set healthy boundries in a loving way. No honey, Im sorry but I can no longer stand to be called names like that. It hurts me and our relationship. Dont blame attribute things to you and how you are feeling. As soon as you say you did X she will get defensive and stop listening - you already found that out.

You need to beef up the communication and boundries. And, if you are sure, see a lawyer so they can at least begin to prepare you to not make mistakes if it goes that far.

Hi again all,

I appreciate the responses, well almost all of them. Thank You your maturity and thoughtfullness to take time out of your day to read my post 'triedthewrongthings'. I really appreciated that very pleasant e-mail you sent me too! I'm glad to see your finally reaching the intelligence and maturity level of a six grader (greatly improved from a few weeks ago I might add). Well today's the day, She is supposedly going to tell me the truth. What a shocker to me and my wifes family and friends, who I am sure will probably read this, because our entire lives is everyones business, afterall. That is if your my wifes family or friends! She finally admitted she is lying last night! I know it is hard for you all to believe that she would lie!! After all, I am sure you have heard the whole spiel about how awful I am, and what a saint she's been in our entire marriage!!!. Anyway, she said that she is finally gonna come clean. But, she wanted to wait till tomorrow to tell me. I hope she just isn't getting my hopes up like she did before when she admitted she was lying, made me wait two weeks so she could talk to the marriage counselor, which she conveniently cancelled due to unforseen problems at work. When I finally pressed the issue she came up with some BS story about before we met she liked this guy alot, then blah!,blah!,blah! About how much of a nice guy he was!!! When I asked, "well, did you ever sleep with him?", answer: "No!" I asked "Are you still in love with him?", answer: "No! Were you ever involved with this guy at all romantically?" answer: "no!, we were just very close friends and I cared for him a lot!". My response: BS!!!! You made me wait two weeks to tell me that???? Come on stop bull****ting me (and probably a whole lot of other stuff, some of which I am sure was not very pleasant), tell me the real truth now! Conversation ended with how much of an A-hole I am, then she dwelled on some of my past mistakes for a while, threw in some of the new reasons she could come up with (the ones she brings out of me by ignoring me and my needs for weeks on end, and the minuscule ones which she blows way out of proportion to people so they think she's a victim). Well, that was over a month ago now!!! I know that she talks to this guy on the phone alot, but, he hasn't even been in the same part of the world for the last 2 years, (or has he?, maybe that's what I'm gonna find out!).. Anyway, today is finally the day, 'The Truth, episode II!'. I am anxious to hear the news! But, when she came home she flopped on the couch and started watching her soap opera's. I sat in the chair catty-corner to her and asked, "well, you finally gonna tell the truth today?" She said "yes, wait a little while, and we will sit down and talk". So, here I sit, in another room anxiously awaiting the truth!!! It's been almost 3 hours now!! The anxiety is driving me crazy!!! I told her last night that I came to the decision that I am going to try to make this work, no matter what!! That's when all this telling the truth business came about. Then it was a definite "It's not going to work on her part". Anyway, I'm not giving up on her, no matter what she says! Call me silly, call me crazy, but I believe it went something like "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live, until death do us part"! Or something like that, right? Well, I intend to stick to the promise I made! "With this 'wing', I thee wed" for all of you that were there and remember!! Anyway, I'll be sure to update the thread tomorrow for the J & K Soap opera, "like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Oh, and as far as the throwing the rings out the door bit, I went and got them the next morning, not that she really seemed to care about it anyway!

<small>[ December 09, 2003, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: tried2much ]</small>

Oh yeah, and I have a new counseling session with a different doctor setup for tomorrow. I am going to individual counseling for a while to work on me.

Well,here I am! The day after. Hmmm! I am not quite sure how to put this. I will summarize, to the best of my abitlity, trying to keep all of the important aspects of what happened. She (my wife) wrote me a letter. The letter began by saying that the truth is what I was going to finally get. She started by saying that from the point when I became raged called her a dirty f-ing whore and kicked her out the first time back in July (when I confronted her with the e-mails, and and she denied it all), she said she put up emotional walls to protect herself from me! She said that she had been hurt so many times in the past, not just by me but by me and the others she has cared for in her life! While I was trying to reconcile with her, She was deliberatley shutting me out so that I could not hurt her again. Then through it all, she said she was so depressed, she started turning to her co-workers for support. One in particular! But she didn't say who it was. When I finished reading the letter, I questioned her about who it was. She admits that it was the one who sent the e-mails, her supervisor. I hate to say this, but what a coincidence. She then admits that she kisses him, but not to a sexual affair. She says that she now has feelings for him, much more than friends. Basically, she says he was there for her, when I was not! He gave her strength, to deal with life day to day when I could not (how could I, if I was the one deliberatley being shut out?) It seems that, as she said in the past, every time she was ready to open back up to me I managed to hurt her again! I can kind of understand that. It seems almost like a cycle! When she had had enough time to start to open up and feel again always seems to have coincided with when I was reaching the boiling point of my emotional frustrations. Just the smallest glimpse of the truth from her was enough to make me shut down completely, She was opening up, I was shutting down, on and on it went! Is this a documented reality! Has any doctor out there experienced or seen this phenomenon? The emotional cyclic break down of a marriage! Anyway, she went on to say that through out it all, she was hurting and was deliberately hurting me too! Just so that I would feel the pain she was feeling. Then she went on to say that she doesn't hate me, she will always love me and that I am a good father. She doesn't want to tear our family apart, but still wants to go our seperate ways. But she want's to stay close together for the kids. For now, she wants to stay here for the holidays, and use that time to explain to the kids what is going on.

I was probably wrong for this, but, I told her that she was a despicable person. I was so disgusted with her. How could she? After all the crap we went through. Why did she waste my time? How could she, when confronted about this man, turn to him when I wanted reconciliation? How could she take this unmorale and unethical course that was going to destroy our family? I also said that it was not fair that she could look at this person, and compare him to me. How could this guy be compared to the one she lives with day in and day out. It is an apples to oranges comparison! I am the one here in the trenches doing the dirty work, while this guy is picking up the easy part. I am the one fulfilling here real needs for family commitment, domestic support, and being the financial provider for our family, while this guy is picking up all the glory. I am the one who has been here all through the years, through the diapers, the aggrevations of raising the children, taking out the garbage, and providing a home for us. How could she just walk away from our family like that. For this super hero???? The guy who went to work and and screwed around and abandoned his own wife and family! I asked her to think about prince charming a bit. I asked her to think about a couple other people we knew. Once a cheater always a cheater. What was gonna happen in a couple years when this guy met someone else he cared for. Was he going to do the same to her, as he did to his own wife? Lie about it, hide it for a while, then ultimately leave her. She said that he has supposedly told his wife about there affair, but, she doesn't really know that for sure. I also asked her if this guy is so great then what are the problems that him and his wife can't work out. She doesn't really know.

I then talked about my past mistakes for a while. Yes, when I was young, I made some morally and ethically wrong decisions. I am sorry for that, but, I came to the decision that I could no longer be that way. I made a promise to her, we got married and I stuck to it. I made a lot of mistakes throughout our marriage. Mostly out of ignorance more than intentionally. I didn't realize how my wife and I really felt and what we needed physically and emotionally. This lead to many bouts of me love busting and doing intentional harm to her. Through it all if I knew then what I know now, it would have been different. Henceforth my signature "hindsight is perfect vision". So many times in my life I have looked back on my decisions and realized they were wrong. But, as with all other decisions in life, you can only decide on what is right or wrong with the information you have in front of you at the time. If I could change the past I would, but, I cannot. The only thing I can have an affect on is the future. Live and learn from your mistakes!

I told her that she has reached a point where she needs to make a decision. She needs to decide if she want to stay and work on our marriage or leave and go with him. I said to her that her only moral and ethical decision in life is to stop seeing this guy, and to take responsibility for her life and her family. Even if it makes her miserable at first. I am here and willing to work on it, if she decides that is what she wants to do. I also later said to her that this would be the toughest path for her to follow. It is the one that is going to require the most effort. Eventually happiness is possible! It will take time and healing. I also said to her that the easiest thing for her to do would be to take the path of least resistants just leave, walk away, and go with him. Leave her worries, her responsibilties, and the problems she help create behind, and go with him. The superficial happines she feels for him right now in their fantasy world, will eventually subside, and the weight of reality will soon catch up. Maybe then she will finally be able to compare apple to apples, but it is not likely considering he was never around when we were going through the growing pains of life in the early years of our marriage. The dissapointments in our lifes and the hard times will always be associated with me, not him.

I gave her till Friday to think about it. This is very hard for me. I feel so much betrayal, sadness, and anger. It is hard to see, even if she decideds to stay and work on it, how it could ever work after all we have been through. I am hopeful though. I think with time and a lot of effort it can work, and we can both be happy as husband and wife.

For now at least we have reached the point where we can begin to move one direction or the other. Closer together, or to the bitter end. I have talked to the kids a little bit about it already. I told them about what was going on and that none of it is there fault. I also let them know that if there mommy decides to leave they will have to decide who they want to go with. They are smart kids, and somewhat knew already what was going on. The have already made there decisions as to where they are going to go if it comes to that. I also told them that there is a chance that she might decide to stay.

I just hope we (her and I) make the right decisions! This is such an unbearable task, I just hope I have the strength to hang on. Why did this all have to happen anyway? I appreciate all of your replies!!! Thanks!!!