A few months ago, x and I narrowly avoided going back to court regarding CS as I was looking for increase and she was looking for reduction. She indicated she was due a reduction since she was now having the kids 50% of the time. After some negotiations, I agreed to reduction in CS if she would now pay 50% of non-covered medical benefits(which came in handy as our son broke his arm!.)

Which leads to this past week. She dropped the kids off last Tues and I was taking them with to my mothers for T-day. We left late Wed nite and got back on Fri evening. X did not talk to kids until Sun afternoon when she dropped off her work schedule and a check for almost half (how is $50 half of $135?)of the last of our son's dr bills. She talked to them for less than 5 mins after not seeing them for 5 days!

On the schedule I noticed she has switched weekends(again) with out prior warning. My weekends with out the kids are important to me in that is the only, only time my g/f and I get together! I mentioned that she changed weekends and as she was walking away, she said just change it she didn't care. She said it in a very dejected way.

So today she calls me and askes if I am planning to go away this weekend and to just go ahead because she will be home as she doen't have a life. She said the kids can just go sleep somewhere else since she is working Fri night and can find their own rides to whereever they have to go as she will be sleeping on Sat morning.

Of course, I will not be palming the kids off on someone else, and will change my plans to accomodate them.

I just don't get it yet! How can you claim to "having" your kids 50% of the time and not talk to them more than once in a week and then try to palm them off on someone else.

I guess I still d

RWD,

It has been a long time since I have posted to you. But, I see that things haven't changed. I would strongly urge you to make sure she does what she is supposed to do with regard to CS and her times. IF she starts to change dates on you, go to court and get it set by the court. It hurts you, but more than anything it hurts the kids. They need to be able to depend on scheduling.

I will offer you a piece of advice to convey to her, although you may already know it. People often think that when a child is young is when they need the most time with you and supervision. I believe they are wrong. It is the teenage years that they need you around the most, although they will NEVER admit that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your instincts are good, don't let them be palmed off on other people, and if she continually does it go to court. She should NOT have them if she feels this is a good way to rear children.

God Bless,

JL

Hi JL,
How are things going with you?

I thought my x was coming out of the fog after 3.5 yrs, but she seems to have drifted back in.

She must have forgot her anti-dep meds yesterday as she sounded really down. Today when she called, she was kind of giddy.

I do have to watch when she has the kids, because she will go to work if they call. She has done it a couple times, but there were just partial shifts. She normally works 12hr shifts.

Thanks!

Realized why maybe x was so upbeat today when she called(besides the meds.) Today is the first day she can access the money I owe her from my pension!

She told me she owes om/xh $17000 and maybe this will bail her out. Although the money is in a pension plan and her cashing out would cost her bunches in taxes. Still it would be nice to have $40,000 show up on your doorstep!

My ex gets full CS even though I have them more than 50% of the time, with LEGAL 50/50 custody. I did it for them, NOT her. However, I don't think I will keep it up next time we have a change. She has continually fought about money since the day she left. She uses the money for herself, and then gripes because she needs to pay for a school function. She wants everything PLUS some. I pretty much gave it to her. She just has a complex that everyone else has something better than she does. It was always the same while we were married. I would work for 24 hours. She would look at it as that I didn't have to have the kids for that Saturday.

I know how you feel. It just doesn't matter, because they are like they are and always will be. My ex is EXACTLY like her mother, only worse, because her mother didn't have the affairs that split her family apart. Your ex sounds very similar.

My ex continually has 'great opportunities' come up on her weekends and wants to change times. This is a two edged sword, because I LOVE having my boys with me always, and would pay DOUBLE what I pay now to have it so. But also, my boys are feeling the rejection. So much so that my youngest boy, 6, has started talking about it openly with me.

Some people are just so self centered that they cannot see the world. Most of us grow out of our late teen years... some of them don't!

<small>[ December 02, 2003, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

RWD,

Yes she's coming out of the fog--as OM is wanting the money she owes him--so they are both seeing the reality of the situation--she's wanting him for money--and he's not just wanting to fork over anymore to her--

And if she cashes out the money--how long do you think it will last?? a month or two maybe?? they will happy and content while the money is there
and when it's gone--things will hit bottom again

and for some people--they think just being in the same house with someone is spending time with them
my ex--see's the kids one weekend a month--and is drinking the majority of that time--and he thinks that because they are staying at HIS house--he is spending time with them--but to the kids he's not
my son was telling me yesterday that his dad's drinking is just like his being gone--it takes his dad away from HIM!! my son just turned 9 and has discovered this truth--and is learning to share his feelings about it--and they aren't good-

but it's how they think..and you can't change it--
the only thing you can do is let her do what she's going to do--and stay out of it--talk to your kids about how they feel about the situation
when and if they wish to discuss it--validate their feelings--and be there for them--help them learn to respect her feelings, choices and thoughts as her's even IF they are different from theirs and yours--and they will be better people in the long run--

My ex's chioces drive me batty--so I choose not to dwell on them--and only look at my own choices
and how they effect the kids--it makes my life so much more stress free--

Keep telling yourself until you grasp this--those are HER choices--NOT MINE!! I'm not her--I don't have to live with them anymore--and I can teach the kids that just because their mom is this way--
doesn't mean everyone is...