Last week W and I had argument that ended with finally telling kids that we are getting D and me leaving(Was supposed to be home for weekend)
I didn't talk to W for 3 days. She called me the other night, started with questions about car and then went into feeling bad about how things were left between us when I left. She also said that the "Reality" is setting in now that the kids know. This seemed to upset her quite a bit. I could tell she was crying.
Why would the reality of something that she wants so bad upset her so much?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong>Why would the reality of something that she wants so bad upset her so much? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because she really doesn't want that. As S. Harley told me during a session: I told him my WW doesn't know what she wants. He said: "She wants to be happy". I'm sure you do too.

I love your cut line Can we fix it?... I know you can. Leave your pain and anger at the foot of the Cross. Ask your W to do the same. Believe that He can deal with it a lot better than you or your W. Believe in him. Believe in each other.

God Bless you both.

Thanks Firebird
You're right, she doesn't want D she just thinks that D is what will make her happy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> Last week W and I had argument that ended with finally telling kids that we are getting D and me leaving(Was supposed to be home for weekend)
I didn't talk to W for 3 days. She called me the other night, started with questions about car and then went into feeling bad about how things were left between us when I left. She also said that the "Reality" is setting in now that the kids know. This seemed to upset her quite a bit. I could tell she was crying.
Why would the reality of something that she wants so bad upset her so much? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think about when your first child was born. You loved and wanted that child, yet the reality of lost sleep, unexplained crying, and diapers set in, didn't it?

I'm not saying that divorce is a good thing, the way having a child is, just that all of our choices have a downside, a "reality" that we don't necessarily see when we first make them. Her saying that reality is setting in does not necessarily mean that she regrets her choice, and you need to be prepared for that.

elspeth
Your right in saying that she may not regret her choice and I don't expect that she has. I am just surprised that she would be upset about getting what she wants. She decided several weeks ago that she was sure she wanted D and has been trying to convince me that we should tell the kids. I wanted to wait till after Holidays to tell them but felt that they must know the truth and stop wondering.
Now that things are moving in her direction, it seems to be scaring her.
What I wouldn't be completely prepared for is if she did regret her choice.

Last few days W has been having Kids call me for things rather than calling me herself. After they talk, I ask to talk to W and we have a regular conversation.
Could she be trying to avoid talking to me or just feel uncomfortable calling me or am I reading too much in it??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> Last few days W has been having Kids call me for things rather than calling me herself. After they talk, I ask to talk to W and we have a regular conversation.
Could she be trying to avoid talking to me or just feel uncomfortable calling me or am I reading too much in it?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's only a guess. My W did the same thing to me earlier during the separation and still does it a little now. These are the possibilities that I can think of:

1. She is non-confrontational and doesn't want to feel or experience the hurt you are going through. She may feel she is causing you this pain.

2. She is not really sure if she wants end it and doesn't want to give you the opportunity to pressure her to come back.

3. Some one else is pressuring her to get out of the marriage and she feels that you may be able to change her mind which would cause increased pressure from the other person.

If it were me, I would be pleasant and gentle with her and in no way pressure her for anything. At the same time (in very suttle ways) let her know the door is open and that the safe and loving environment you provide is a comfortable place for her to be in. It must not come across as a sales pitch though, it may be better done without words. Use your imagination. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Good luck and I pray for your success no matter how long that may take.

Firebird
Thank you for your thoughts and your prayers
I had several ideas of why she was doing this but yours make more sense and sound more reassuring than mine.
I'm trying my best to be very friendly and loving to her without it looking like I'm trying to win her back. I just want her to know that I care for her. Throughout our seperation, I have been the one making most of the calls to her but now am trying to wait for her to call me.