Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Please be honest with your opinions, I just wanted to pass this by you guys to see if I am out of line. I was truely trying to be civil.

This morning S-17 was sick (flu) & asked me to call his coach, friends & xwh to tell them he wouldn’t be going to play BB at a certain town.

The ow partner answered & I said “This is bs & I would like xh to call me back. Bye.” End of conversion, I was formal, & just straight to the point. Very brief.

After three hours xh calls & said he didn’t know if it was an emergency or what & that I needed to be nicer to ow. I said I was that(although know I realized I didn't tell him what I said) way because last Sun. after T-day I left a message with ow to have xh call back & he never did. I told him his D wanted to stop by his house to see him & drop off some things & was going to set up a time with him. Since he didn’t call back, D just went back to college without stopping. I (bs) only called today to possibly keep him from traveling 250 miles to a bb game where his son wouldn’t be. He said thanks for the thought.

XH sounded surprised about my call to him last week. OW was probably upset because I had told xh, that I would be only communicating primarily with him & for him to answer the phone when I called. He has caller ID.

DV now if final & I have now a modified plan b. At least now I don’t totally experience the pain & anger that I did last year. Instead I just shake my head about xh’s fantasy world.

My ex SIL is the queen of killing with kindness & you can just tell at times it is so fake. I have seen it in action with other people & then last time she talked on the phone with me I knew she was covering her true feeling. She has really been hurt also by XWH's actions. I don't think xh ever picked up how his sister sometimes truely feels.

I told IC that I can really tell that I have let go of much anger & the absurbness of xwh's actions just don't upset me like it did last year.
Although since I am posting about the conversion, it still hurts. ><>

So do you think I need to over do the being nicer instead of formal with ow? I guess I have one for the book about fog talk from XWH.

Vega,

There was nothing wrong with the way you dealt with OW. You don't have to be nicer, you were nice enough. What does he want, the two of you to visit about the weather?

I get this from time to time for xH too. OW is now the wife, and he thinks that it is I that should kiss her feet. I was even told not to call his house to only call the cell phone, so that I wouldn't have issues with his wife! I said "that I didn't have issues with her but that I thought she had issues with his wife oops x wife" It has stopped again for awhile since then.

I just let it roll off my back that really is all I can do about it. I do admit that it hurts to have her answer his phone and I do get angry at times. But that's ok just means I am human and healthy!!!!

Best wishes to you!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did you ask him what he meant by "nicer"? I agree, your words don't sound harsh but maybe your tone of voice was? If you were unhappy about the previous message not being delivered, you may have sounded harsh.

Anyway, I agree, you ought to be nicer to OW-not for the reasons your XH thinks (he probably wants you to make his life with her easier, and that's not your job), but for your own sake-so she can't exaggerate these interactions and convince him he was right to drop you because you are such a witch. No, you don't need to chit chat with her about the weather, just, "Hi (her name), is X around? I need to talk to him about S being sick, so have him call me, okay? Bye". That's polite, pleasant, and more importantly, doesn't give her any ammunition.

You might also think about keeping a record of times you called and asked her to have him call back. If she has a pattern of doing this, it might be eye opening for him to know.