and I've never been more relieved, or excited about what life post-divorce holds for me.

My WS-STBXH filed two months ago in October after I did a flawless Plan B, preceeded by a perfect Plan A. When I was served - it just clicked for me. I was cashing out. I was done. I had spent the previous several months in complete and total darkness...grieving and mourning.

I'm trying to cope with building a new circle of friends. He unfortunately seemd to get to keep all of our formerly mutual friends.

The other thing that I'm sort of dealing with - is what do I do with the rest of my life when I'm officially unmarried? I'm young (only 31 yrs. old), I have a college degree, no kids...just a dog and a rented apartment in downtown San Francisco. In other words, if I decide to teach underwater basket weaving in Fiji - my dog and I could pretty much get on a plane and go...

How did you find your passion? I know what I DON'T want...but I think it would be more useful to know what I DO want.

Well what do you like to or in other words what are you passionate about? When in 7th grade we had to do a report kind of on the lines of a term paper. I did mine on fashion design, even thu I did not follow that career path my detour was art in creating things with my hands. So its not too far on the path , but what gets you excited that lights up your eyes. Maybe you should make a list of things that you love to and go from there.
Good luck and may I suggest a book for you Its called the The DREAM GIVER by Bruce Wikinson very good and might inspire you .

Hi there!

Here is one suggesting. Write down "everything" you are interested in. Then, IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE AREA.

I have done this all my life both to learn about different fields and to get over my fears of branching out in life.

One time I got frustrated that men kept ripping me off on car repairs when I was 19 so I spent a week hanging aroung a "garage" and watched them working on cars, painting cars, and everything about cars. I helped with some body work and mechanical repairs so I could get over my fear of being in a "mans world". I read 10 books on car repair details and how to get your money's worth. Later, my girlfriends and I pulled an engine on a VW. By ourselves with a book that had pictures. If we can cook, we can pull an engine! After that, I was EMPOWERED to deal with that area of life that I had been afraid to venture into before. Knowledge is power.

I learned to repeat this process in many areas of life including buying homes and real estate. I am no longer afraid of so many things in life. Because I know the process of "immersing yourself in areas of knowledge" and "getting over your own fears and percieved limitations"....

We women do have power if we want to accept this concept and take that power and use it. Use it or lose it.

LULU, send me the list of things you like and I will give you detailed instructions on how to IMMERSE yourself in those favorite areas of yours!. You have my E-Mail or you can get it from Star!

Weird. Just weird. I've been thinking these exact same things again, trying once more to figure out what I'm here on this planet to DO. And the more I try, the more confused I become. Baba, could I borrow your "how to immerse oneself" knowledge, too? I don't have your e-mail and we've never interacted before, but this seems like something I should spend some time on in a new way.

Just J- I'd recommend checking out the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. It's simply amazing in helping you to answer that very question.

YES to both you two!!!!!! My prayer for 15 years was this:

God, help my find my purpose in life, what you have made me to do in this world. Whatever that is, please help me find it....

Then, I got that IMMERSE YOURSELF idea. It takes less than a week sometimes to decide if you do not like a particular field and rule that out going onto the next subject.

Once, I worked at a medical school hospital as a clerk. I was immersed every day in health issues, etc. There was a nice library there that we could use anytimes. I delved into that also. Then, they offered the employees a chance to learn Nucular Medical Technology where you inject dye in someone and look at thier heart on a computer monitor. They needed more technicians and were willing to train them. I went to a few orientation classes and viewed the job. I tagged around as they actually did the procedure too and thought "Would I like to do this?" The pay was great, etc. but I felt it was not for me. So I did not go into this.

Here is a basic thing for how to IMMERSE yourselves.

1. Pick a subject you are interested in

2. Get at least 10 books and read them on that subject

3. See if you can take a class or sit in on one in that subject area. Remember if you are bored in class, you do not want to be doing this thing for 8 hours a day for the rest of your life.

4. See if you can visit a place where the job you like is being done. See if you can spend one to two days following people around. Picture yourself in that job.

5. Realize that even if you find a job you love and go into that field, it could be the first carreer and there could be others you like later in life and may change to. People change carreers all the time and one job can lead to another. So, if you like something now, don't feel like you will be stuck there all your life. The idea is to go into something that you have more interest in than something else. Something you will like to do 8 hours daily for a while.


Good Luck!

Lulu ----

I have kids - so my sitz is a bit different than yours --- however, I'm just as divorced. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think the trick in my world is that I have kids to support - so I can't just rampantly go off and teach "underwater basket weaving in Fiji" (but can I steal that line) but it's a wide open world -- you are able to do whatever your mind can aspire to and your skills will allow.

If you don't currently have the skills to do what you aspire to accomplish --- learn a new skill.

I'm constantly thinking of new ways to use old skills -- maybe that would work for you... Guess you could always set out to try something new every month for a year - and see where it takes you...

If you can't find a place to become immersed - I can think of a few spots to start...

The library --- read a lot of books.

The local college --- take a class.

Any volunteer center --- volunteer for something you've never done - ask for training.

Think OPPORTUNITY - and GO THERE GIRL!!! THIS world waits for no one --- it moves freely on the axis - we just have to 'keep up'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jan

Well...that's just it, I'm not passionate about anything really. I have tons and tons of interests - but none of them are enough to keep me up at night thinking about them. Except maybe travel...

Anyway, I've considered getting a law degree, pursuing a PhD in Nutrition/Public Health, becoming a financial planner...

My interests include: art, photography, sociology, psychology, law, medicine, anthropology, fashion, jewelry, makeup (cosmetics), yoga, foreign languages, travel, writing, music, interior design/architecture, philosophy, religion, health, sexuality, animals, computers/technology, plants, dance, cooking, film, literature, hospitality/etiquette, cars, philanthropy, and probably some others i haven't thought of... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Lulu,

I know exactly how you are felling, but I think you are step ahead of me. I too, need to find my passion.

But I am not as accepting of my divorce as you are. My H has really been a bum, and has been telling me for a year he doesn't want to be married to me. I did plan B, then plan A, and counseling, but nothing has worked.

Do you have any advice on how to get to the place you are at "relieved and excited?"

I am struggling with making new friends and finding new hobbies.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In other words, if I decide to teach underwater basket weaving in Fiji - my dog and I could pretty much get on a plane and go...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry I already took that job!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LULU,

If you like travel see about getting a job in that field-

You could learn to be a Travel Agent and still have benefits to travel--

You could check into being a flight attendant and travel the world that way--

If you enjoy photography---and you can get a job traveling---you could take pictures while you travel--and write articles about the places you visit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Go on an archelogical dig as a vacation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Travel and learn about other cultures and the way they dance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Check out the buildings while your there--

Lots of things you can do

Lulu:

Why not paint yourself a picture, or photograph, people interacting in public settings, talk 2 them about what's bothering them, what excites them, help them find out how 2 do the right thing at all times, prescribe medication, study their culture(s), how they dress, what their birth gemstones are, facepaint they wear, relax with them, speak in tongues, take you're newfound wisdom and share it with the world in person, in print, in song, make your home an expression of who you are, what you ponder, what you believe in, how you feel, what turns you on, pets you love, how things work, inventions, grow sequoia trees, make rain, elevate temperatures of organic compounds, watch your results on the big screen, read about them in books, all the while eschewing proper decor and manners, championing personal transportation, giving to charity.

Did I miss anything? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

Eduard, Thanks for the recommendation! I'll look it up.

And I had to laugh at the laundry list of interests (and 2long's suggestion). That's about what my interest lists looked like the last time I tried to do this:

Math, physics, anthropology, kids, gardening, science fiction, writing, roleplaying games, cooking, government policy, family law, gay and lesbian rights issues, traffic pattern analysis, efficiency analysis, redesigning organizational structures, talking to people, chocolate, baking, decorating, languages, biking, dancing, step aerobics, swimming, kung fu, aikido, spirituality, Buddhism, meditation, video games, Jungian psychology.

And that just from what I can think of in five minutes or so.

OOOOOOOOOH What a feeling..... Liberated!!!

I know exactly what you mean.... though i have kids.... it's a refreshing, liberating feeling. Go wherever your heart takes you and soar higher each day!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by New2this:
<strong>But I am not as accepting of my divorce as you are...Do you have any advice on how to get to the place you are at "relieved and excited?"

I am struggling with making new friends and finding new hobbies. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, I don't really have any advice for how to get here. I was asked recently if he changed his mind and came back, offering to not finalize the divorce, would I take him back?

Two words...

HELL NO!

I started a new semester taking some classes at community college the week after STBXH moved out. I was able to immediately start rebuilding my life - making new friends, indulging one of my interests, etc. I love being single. I can stay out as late as I want without checking in with anyone, I can talk to anyone I wish without worrying if they're going to make my H jealous, I can do whatever I want...why go back to being M to someone who made me so unhappy for so long? Why hold out for someone who doesn't want to be with me?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ms Mink:
<strong>Liberated!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're singing my song! No one to clean up after except myself. No one to draw out of withdrawal, no one to cajole out a bad mood, no one to criticize my cooking, my appearance, my voice...etc.

I've tasted freedom, and I want more!

I'm applying for my passport tomorrow - took the pictures last week. I'm working on the finding my passion thingy with my therapist and I'm determined to get out of the country at least once next year - even if it means I have to swim there!

Originally posted by Ms Mink:
Liberated!!!

You're singing my song! No one to clean up after except myself. No one to draw out of withdrawal, no one to cajole out a bad mood, no one to criticize my cooking, my appearance, my voice...etc.


Good for you ladies!!!! I love it when I see people get to this place in their lives. We really do not need another person to make us happy or to meet our needs. All of that talk is simply not true, as your threads highly indicate..

Another plus to your attitudes now, is that if the WS decides to come back, then you will have much more chance at success because....

1) part of the choice will be what YOU want
2)you will accept nothing less than their best
3)you have learned how to be happy without them, so there will be no pressure to "make it work"
4)they will come back stronger and willing to make the necessary changes to make the relationship work

You both have found the key that so many are missing and not being taught on here.. learning to be a happy person is the most important ingredient to a successful relationship and a rewarding life...

Keep moving forward ladies.. you are on the right track..

LULU- you are inspiring! I love the story about the engine. I have a book of small home repairs,
and I am going to start working my way through it.
Hey, maybe I will become a handywoman! I can say that I hate painting. I too am young, mid-late thirties, with a dog, a great dog! I am going to
focus myself on other things and interests. I

Thank Lulu..
Wish you lived by me, I need some single girlfriends!!!!