Hi All:

I am new here, hope nobody bites. Been divorced now about 8 months. Was married for 15 years and had two kids along the way. I blew it. I wanted us to be totally open so I told her I "played around" a few times while on business travel. Meant nothing to me, just curiosity being fulfilled. Otherwise, I think I was really good husband. She took it extremely hard though! Started affair immediately and filed for divorce. No talking; nothing; bang! She does live nearby. Kids are with me. Now when I see her, she tells me that she knows that she and this guy have no real future. Has been mainly a physical thing and no way does he want to deal with the kids. So maybe it isn`t what she thought it would be! Anyway, problem now is that she tells me that she is meant to live alone for the rest of her life, that no man is worth trusting. She is really set on this. Stubborn as all hell. I still Love her though big time and I want to work for us. I thought for a while this feeling of mine would go away, but she is all I think about; night and day. I have One Love in my life and that is it. Do I just wait until this guy fades away or take some action to push him away? I don`t want to be divorced. It has not solved anything. She is not happy. I am not happy. Our children are not happy. So what is the point of it all? How can I get her back? Any ideas!

WOW.....hmmmmmm, sometimes things cant be undone. You said you were divorced right? I have heard of some people reconciling and getting remarried before, it is possible. Is she receptive to you wanting her back?.....or does she sound negative if and when you bring something up? Some people cant forget what has been done to them and lash out it crazy ways.....this sounds like your EX......if yall were to get back together, do you think she would ever forgive/trust you again?.....or would she throw what you did while on business in your face?

Good questions. I don`t think she is against me. She tells me often I am a good man and father and that my next woman will be lucky cause I used her as a test to find how much cheating screws things up. She tells me she will always love me too. It`s just that she can`t trust, period. I`ve suggested all kinds of counselling tó her, but she says it won`t do no good because after some years, I`d just cheat on her again cause she`s gettin old. So it ain`t the other guy who`s the problem anymore. It`s the trust I shattered. Even if it takes years to rebuild the trust, I want to try. Are there any good rebuild trust therapies out there that I could recommend to her?

There is only one rebuilding trust therapy I know of.......TIME. The only problem with that? Who knows how long of time that is. Some people trust again right away....some may take years to regain trust......some never trust again. I may be way off base, but your EX sounds like she just found an excuse to gain her freedom. Most females with children will forgive if spoken honestly to......in order to keep the family together. My current wifes EX husband (serial cheating, sneaky [censored]) was given multiple chances. My current wife wanted to keep the family in tact, not until he was caught cheating 3-4 times did she finally throw in the towel.

<small>[ December 09, 2003, 09:20 AM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>