After 13 yrs +2 kids of what I thought was happy marriage, we moved back to wifes old hometown where she promply looked up ex-boyfriend. Tried to hide this from me, but I found out that they were planning on meeting. They met for "coffee" she told me that they were just friend, but I have my doubt. He emailed photos to here and he is a hunk. Anyway, she insists that he just wants to be friends. However, I have it on good source, an email to her girlfriend, that he wants something more and that she is tempted. I now know that she has a hidden email acct @ yahoo that she communicates with him and her girlfrined. Wife wont alk about it and says I'm treating her like a "prisoner" and that shw wants to "run" anytime I bring it up. I suspect there is more to this relationship between them than I am being led to believe. I could go on and on. Anyway, my question...<p>Should I hack into her "private" email and read for my self what is REALLY going on? I want to trust my wife, but she has this "secret life"that she won't let me into and gets very defensive when addressed. DO I really want to know?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>DO I really want to know?<hr></blockquote><p>Do you?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Should I hack into her "private" email and read for my self what is REALLY going on?<hr></blockquote><p>Should you? No. Will you? <p>This is not an "attaboy" at all, but if it were me and my H refused to clue me in while I was experiencing alarm bells, I probably would.<p>MB concepts advocate total honesty. Harley cautions against opposite sex friendships.<p>While you're deciding, make sure you read everything you can at this website. If you can interest your W in taking the EN and Lovebuster questionnaires, I think it would really help both of you in meeting each others' needs. Then, maybe your W won't "need" this friendship with her ex-bf.<p>Good luck. Let us know what you decide and what happens.

I'm not one to give advice on what to do or not. This is what I DID. I got into my W email and work computer and did snoop. I can't say I wish I never did or that I'm happy I did. I had nevered spied/snooped on my W prior to this in our 11 yrs marriage. Not sure today why I looked....maybe to confirm what I knew in my heart.<p>But remember when and IF you do the trust is gone!Either you can not trust her or she can't trust you. I find it to be a no win thing to snoop, the only way to win is to talk openly. Even if it is bad news at least you will have started to communicate better. <p>personnely having private email sound fishy. And a private life outside the marriage can be very dangerous and if the communication is bad it is asking for trouble. Work on talking to her, take her out, find out what her needs are, read about what plan A is and start doing that. Even if nothing is going on... plan A can strenghten an already good marriage, you do not have to wait for the marriage to be in termoil to start doing this.
sorry for typeO's and missed words<p>I feel for ya
good luck

After 20 years of marriage, my W made me very suspicious with her instanting messenging and email. I bought a program spy and confirmed my fears. It was the most painful thing to read what they were saying to each other. After 20 days I could not take it any more and unistalled the spy. I then confessed to my W what I had done and what I had seen. She thinks that my invading her privacy is WAAAAAYYY more wrong that what she did.<p>Even with all that, I can't tell you that I'm sorry to know the truth.<p>We are in counseling to try and save our marriage because of the other bad things we've done in the last 5 years.<p>Good Luck and God Bless

Quite frankly, I think you should. A spouse should have nothing their spouse shouldn't know. Maybe if I had listened to my instincts a long time ago I could have prevented my husbands affair. I don't know but at least I wouldn't be where I am today (more info see compulsive lying husband). Keep your chin up and remember if your wife has nothing to hide, why should she care if you see it? There is a reason why she's keeping this secret. Maybe you can try to talk to her alright; put her in your shoes. How would she feel if you were secretly communicating with a pretty woman? Let her know this hurts you, if she really loves you she wont want to hurt you. Also remember you need to be prepaired to hear the worst. If you aren't ready to take the answer, no matter how bad, then don't look!! Good luck

Hey man, I got into my wifes e-mail on Oct. 22nd and found her deep into an "E-Affair". I had suspected something for a while because she'd committed adultry about 8 years ago. I wish now I'd never done it but it has served as a really bad wake-up call to me. The good in this (if there is any) is that with it out in the open we can work to repair our marriage (Once the fighting stops). But I believe the concepts I've found on this site will give me the tools to repair the damage I'VE done. And when the time is right (maybe in 6 months God help me) I'm going to put her on this website to help her. There's a ton of good stuff in this site that will help but it will be hard to execute. So if you do hack, be ready for the worse. And before you do hack, decide if you want your marriage. Do you want to hack the affair or the marriage. I chose to try and hack the affair. God be with you Bro.

I had bought a spy program (an yes he knows it is on here, but at the time he didn't) an i found out he had his own email account an was in chats with girls an so with the program i was able to find out the password to his account an i opened it an found out he wrote was emailing this one girls an he was saying mean things about me that was so untrue an he asked her for a picture of her so he would know what she looked like when he was thinking of her. I let it go for about another week to see if it went any futher an then printed up everything an showed him. I didn't feel bad at all for doing this. This is my husband an what he was doing was wrong an i wanted to let him know it was wrong an how much it hurt me. He stopped chatting, closed the email account an stopped hiding theings from me except his porn, which i would an still catch him doing. best of luck to what ever you decide to do. But if it was me... well i told you what i did.