Hello,
I am new here. Here goes my story. I have been married for 3 yrs w/ a 2.5 yr old daughter. The divorce was my wifes idea at first. Her reasons were because of my parents being involved with our finances. they paid our mortgage for the first year and half of the mortgage from then on. We would not of made it comfortably without my parents, and I have tried to explain many times. Eventually my W asked for a divorce and threatened to kick me out of the house. I immediately reacted contacted a lawyer and filed first. This was in October. Since then my wife has been going out every night leaving me to care for my daughter. W is 23 yrs old I am 26. I come to find out that she met someone at a gym and has been talking to him since. This was in November. She tells me nothing is going on, but I found her cell phone bill and they have called each other 5-6 times a day and text messaged each other. She still denies that anything has gone on. She wants to work things out, but she is sooo stubborn. I have called this guy a couple of times, but of course he will not answer the phone. I ended up breaking her cell phone, due to jealousy, which I know I should not have done. I still love her, but she has turned something that could of been worked out to something I do not know if I can forgive. Can someone help PLEASE!!

She wanted a divorce simply becasue your parents paid the mortgage?
Not!

I come to find out that she met someone at a gym and has been talking to him since.
This probably started before she spoke of divorce.

If you don't want the divorce, I'd suggest you contact your lawyer & tell him to sit on it for a while until you make a clear headed decision.

Read the links below.

The first time I saw the phone number logged on her cell was November 5, but you are probably right she has lied to me quite a few times when I tried to confront her about it. She lied to me about talking to someone else, and she lied to me that she went out with the OM. She said that they were in the same place by coincidence (forgive my spelling). She keeps telling me that they have not been intimate. Since this we have been intimate once. I am wondering if that is because the court dates for FCS and property are comming up. FCS is next week monday and property is on the 29th of this month. She still has not responded to my originally petition for divorce, and the 30days to respond has already passed. I have been hurting and continue to hurt. I feel betrayed. I have been seeing a counselor. I sometimes feel that the next step I should take is anti-depressants although I am not suicidal. I would never do that to my daughter.

It's a very tough thing to go through, so go slow and don't react. Take your time and act.

What happens if she doesn't respond? Do you get everything you ask for by default?

You are going for custody and the house, correct?

Yes, althougth I do not think that I will get anything by default. I think the court will appoint her a lawyer. We have agreed on 50/50 custody, and she knows that I am going to get the house. She wants to settle out of court but has of yet to write down what she thinks she is entitled to. This has gone on for a month.

This is still fresh, hold out on the lawyer for now.

Never make a decision on emotions. Acting on emotions is never a good decision.

Although in the end you may make the same decison anyway, but hold on, you are still emotional,if you make a decision now you may regret it.

Clear you thoughts, communicate your feelings and everything will fall in there place. After a while things will appear clearer.

Well last night she did not come home till 2am. I am so angry and can think nothing but her being with another man. I am so hurt and frustrated. With continous behavior like this I cannot think nothing better than going through with the divorce dispite my feelings. I have been depressed since the start of the divorce. Then when I found out she had been talking with the OM (supposedly not intimate)I have falling into a pit that I cannot seem to crawl out of no matter how hard I try. I have told her that what she is doing is a sin, but of course it had no effect on her. I feel so lost and scarred to be alone after this is all over. I stayed in the area where she was raised so she could be near her family. I feel so betrayed. There is less than two weeks till the court portion of the divorce is over. I know now that I cannot stop her nightly outings now that it seems she is addicted to clubs etc... This is the first time in my life that I am going to be alone without a female companion, and I don't want to go out and look for someone because I still have feelings for W. The holiday seasons are not making it any better either. I need help and guidance. Can someone suggest something please.

SBH.... you are where I was two years ago..... do your self and your daughter a favor. First see a Dr and get on some medicine to help you to calm down..... secondly, find a counselor, maybe even Dr. Harley...... Third, if you want to save the marriage read the stuff here on this site as Chris suggested and although keep current with the lawyer try and slow things down..... 4th tell your wife you are going to work to save this marriage if that is what you want..... but that you know you can not make any progress if she is going to continue to see OM.... and ask her what she wants.....

but most of all, as in step one you need to find away to remain calm and steady.

Thankyou,
GSN. I contacted a Dr. today and have an appointment. I can't believe, I break down so easily just talking to someone about divorce and that I need help. Luckily my insurance covers this type of treatment. As for slowing down the divorce, I do not know that I want to. My wife is dressing like a single girl wearing mini skirts and tight fitted tops. She never dressed like this before. I have seen her in a dress once in our whole entire marriage. I have never felt this type of jealousy in my life and I dont know how to cope with it. First comes the jealousy, which starts the thought process, then comes the deep depression and it is hitting harder and stronger as days go on. She is also building a huge debt for herself. Luckily I agreed to finally get seperate bank accounts. She has not helped pay any of the bills, which drives me nuts because the first 2 years I supported her then she got a good paying job and we agreed that she would help pay part of the bills. I can't even think straight. I pray every night asking for forgiveness and the ability to forgive my wife, I know she is in the fog. We also got married when she was 19 which accounts for most of her sudden actions. I am soo glad I found this sight. Venting helps!

SBH, as I said, I went through this and even divorced it still goes on... we also had another poster here "Hurrian Hoosier" that went through similar things.....

The meds will help even out the highs and lows... but what your wife is doing is her choice....not yours...... and if you just accept it in anger and say oh well and let her go that is just what will happen...

If perchance you do read the concepts here and happen to see things that apply to you and were faults in the marriage and see you can change them and hopefully allow her to see the changes she may start getting second thoughts....

Another thing is for you to take a positive approach.... Like with me, although I was in a Business Casual Dress mode, I started back wearing suits every day, and although I run 20 some miles a week , started going to a gym to retone. I started doing things I liked doing and started having fun like I used to....

It was too late for me but even through divorce I did not stop these things and feel much better for it...

But it is your choice, you can take what you may consider the easy way out and give up or try.... Funny how we forget how we fought to win our women or wives in the first place..... you know?

Pretty much going through the same deal pal, my wife's been tex messaging this guy for 3 years now and it has been 10-12 times a day. I saw the phone bill and this has been going on for over a year. She is at the point where she just sneaks in with her tail tucked in and to her own bedroom. We have not been together in the same bed in 3 years, our divore will be final in a month. Our 12th anavirsary will be 01/01/04. So I just do not touch her nor do I wish to. She has done this before. I guess when your the second husband, your in for a long ride. Well it has been 12 years, and only the first few months have been fun. The rest was just time and a hole LOT OF MONEY. well, 3 wonderful boys, but other then that, I would not even think twice about leaving her. If she stood naked, begging, I'd still kick her @ss out onto the street. You spend you life working to build, just for someone to burn you and take everything, just for "LUST", oh yah, "LOVE"......right!!!!!! I will find a life with my children. My so called wife can have her fun, because the newness will ware off, and it will haunt and return in fold. Will it hurt? Right!!!!! Move on and care about your children. Good luck. That is enough for now, vented enough for today. Good day everyone.

Expose the affair to everyone who would not view it as gossip. Does OM have a W? Call her. She is your best ally. Tell your W's parents, friends, etc. Their reaction may help to clear the fog.

My H was telling me tonight that the exposure of the A was traumatic.

I'm concerned that you broke her cell phone. You are capable of violence. That is the ultimate love buster. Be careful. If you cannot contain your anger, then the best thing for the M is for you to remove yourself. If you file for custody, that may really wake her up.

<small>[ December 13, 2003, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

Well here is my update. As time is nearing the FCS court date one day enough, I find myself breaking down. I still feel a deep love for my W, I even called the OM on his cell phone and text messaged him. I talked to my W today and this is how it went. We discussed being together, but she expressed her desire to still go out with the girls every once in a while. I of course expressed my opinion about this. I do not want my W going to these places without me. This included going to a Salsa club, and happy hour after work. I held my temper. I dont understand how she can ask me these things when she is the one who is screwing up. My IC tells me that she is going through a phase of immaturity. We both cried as we apologized to each other about the things we have done since and prior to the divorce. At the end of the conversation it seems that we both agree to the divorce, but she still talks about future events like they will matter since we will not be together. I am soo confused with my emotions on a rollercoaster ride from @ell. Her crying indicated that she wanted to still be with me, but I am not sure if it is because without me she is not financially stable. When we talked though it seemed as though she wanted to control the conversation. I of course did not let her, but kept it at a point where we both were able to express ourselves. She then took a shower, which I then went to my room, and after she came in my room and laid on me. What the? I don't push her away because I too want the love. If anyone has been through this type of emotional roller coaster give me some info please!!! I only have a day to where I think it will get ugly since things are going to come out to get primary custody of our 2 1/2 year old. I did tell her father about the OM, and he was in shock. My wife of course was very angry about that.

<small>[ December 13, 2003, 10:21 PM: Message edited by: Sgtbrokenhearted ]</small>