i have been married for 16 years and have become the major financial and emotional support for my family. Yes my husband does work, however, has never been able to take care of us totally. MY problem has been that if you can't meet me in the finacial area, what about the family emotional needs. My H does not spend quality time with our son and this has caused mush fustration in our child socially. I have been through couseling which suggested that he spend more time with his son. I have been angry for years and now enough is enough. As far as a realtionship with me, he states tht it is diffucult to be initmate when he feels inadequate in the marriage. I have been the person inthe marriage who plants the corn , harvest the corn, and delivers it for nurishment to the family. I quess I am just tired of being the "take charge person".
We have now been separted for 2 months and he only spends 2 days in sharing the responsibility of picking up the chldren after school(they are both 15 adn 17) They will be entering college soon and starting their own lives. I feel thatit istime for me to do the same. I still love him but only in a caring way. I feel that he hs been too dependant on me to be a man.
What can I do at this point. Any alternative suggestions?

Get on the concepts part of this site and learn about emotional needs and how you haven't been having yours met. And learn about the lovebusters I'm certain you are committing yourself.
I was in a similar situation as you, and couldn't salvage the M. However, invest the time in trying to save the marriage because divorce is hell. Anything positive you can do now, will either save the M, or make a D more amicable, and you would have the comfort of knowing that you did try.
good luck.
The tools are on this site (not necessarily on the boards), use them wisely.

Dear family first,
Your story sounds a bit like mine, though I was not the chief breadwinner in my family (I am a teacher). I always had SO much love, respect and admiration for my husband, but this gradually dwindled away little by little. The reason? He was a workaholic, and I was left doing EVERYTHING at home...I was the major emotional support at home. He never placed the kids or myself above his work, and this caused the breakdown of our marriage. What happened was, even though I loved him, I began to lose respect for him. This in turn caused me to quit showing my admiration for him, which was a major need for him. In return, he stopped cherishing me, which I needed. He wasn't home to cherish me and meet my needs, so I quit respecting and admiring him. It's a cycle, so to speak, and I wish I had known enough to break that cycle, but hindsight is better than foresight. My suggestion to you would be to try to meet his needs (yes, I know how hard it is when yours are not being met.) But, see if he in turn will start to feel loved, and will have the desire to start meeting yours. Read up on love banks. Since there is no infidelity in your situation, I think there is great hope for your marriage, but you will have to learn not to lovebust. It's hard to do, but take it from me, it's necessary. You'll have to fake it for a while. Please let us know how things are going for you and feel free to email me.
God bless you, and I will pray for you.
KK

thanks for your comments kk2002,however, being the major everything for this man has made me to became an enabler to his problem. I don't think he will every change if he know that he can always lean on me

I am/was an enabler too.
Unless either or both of you come from ACOA families, than you can probably break this cycle. But it will take work. What do you have to lose if you try the MB concepts for a while, and begin to meet his emotional needs. Rather than doing all you typically do, focus on the key EN's first, the ones which will be appreciated.

thanks again,however, when you see how your child has been affected by neglect of your spouse, love leaves the room. I don't see how mb can help this matter

What can I do at this point.
You can do everything possible to repair your marriage.

however, when you see how your child has been affected by neglect of your spouse, love leaves the room. I don't see how mb can help this matter

Using Marriage Builders principles can bring back the love and then the spouse will not be neglected

Read the links below for a start.

I see how my children are affected by the lack of love from their father, he ignored them.
Then he thought he deserved full custody, and it turned into a full custody fight, even though he rarely spent time with them. My lawyer thought he treated them like chattel. The courts are moving toward 50/50 custody these days, so you may have your children less than you do now. My X got far less than he expected - after a psychological evaluation.
However, your H, like my X, may believe in his own mind that he is a good father, and nothing you do can change that.

You're getting good advice here. Suck it up for now, and use the MB principles. If they don't work, then give up, but if you have any love left for him, try it. You do have alot to gain. Divorce is hard and expensive. I know I did the right thing for me, and being on MB helped me realize this.
You can vent here, but take the time to help yourself. Keeping a M together (esp. with no infidelity) is a good goal. Many marriages come apart at the holidays. It's a very stressful time. Read all you can to avoid LB's this holiday season, and see if you can't make the new year a better one.