I’m tired of being my husband’s conscience. He feels he is doing nothing wrong, at least until he is caught, then he feels remorseful. But when is enough is enough?

He’s been caught in a cross-country emotional affair (don’t know if it ever went physical during the first few months while he was in Ohio), not once, not twice, but three times with the same woman. Then when things were going better with the help of counseling (which we are still involved with). Then I find that he now started sending e-mail cards to another woman . .. . . once again, cross-country, but she does visit his company every few months.

He, once again, swears, that they are just “friends”. I remind him that I was suppose to be his best friend, lover, and wife . . .. . blah, blah, blah, . . . .then it’s the I’m sorry, I’ll try to be better from my wayward husband. Like mentioned above, I’m tired of being his conscience. If he were truly dedicated to our children, and me then he wouldn’t feel the need to make “girl friends”, no matter how incident he thinks it is.

This last incident – the 4th – I just laid the cards out. I have to make some serious decisions regarding our marriage, but would not make them until after the holidays . . . for the kids’ sake. He’s scared to death, and I’m actually glad, NOW he’s thinking about his actions over the last 18 months! I told him he is the only one who can fix this mess, not me, and he needs to do it soon or it will be too late.

I do love him with all my heart, or what’s left of my 4x broken heart. Has he done anything to make things better, a little, but not a lot. I really don’t want to separate, but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again and the constant memories and thoughts of him focusing on another woman just kills me inside.

Maybe this is as good as a relationship gets, but I feel I want and deserve more from a husband - at least someone who will be honest with me.

Please, any words of advice would be welcome.

Steffany

steffany

Trust can take a long time to rebuild and it does sound like your H is making an effort.

From your sig line I see that 2 NC e-mails were sent. I would suggest that your H get a new e-mail address so OW cannot contact him

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe this is as good as a relationship gets </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your relationship will get as good as the 2 of you make it. Work on the EN's

Don't run interference for his conscience. In all the thousands of dollars of therapy and hours of talking with friends, I think the best advice I got were from two strangers, one at McDonalds and one at a cosmetics counter.

The one at McDonalds asked if I thought he would change. When I said yes, she said that I'd know to divorce when I had given up hope he would change.

The one at the cosmetics counter said that, if her H had an A, she pull back and see what he does.

If you berate him, you give him an excuse not to face the reality of what he is doing.

<small>[ December 20, 2003, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>