sorry, I have no idea what I should put in the subject line...

My husband of a year and half has decided he wants to leave me.

AND I'M STUCK!

We just moved to another state (we both were born, raised and lived our entire lives in CA) I have no friends or family here... and he won't let me leave... My husband won't let me go home to be with my friends and family (even for a weekend). He won't leave our house, because it's HIS home too, what am I to do??

He has this whole plan that we'll share our apartment (and bed, being that we own only one) until our lease is up, 8 month's from now. He still tells me he loves me... he still kisses me... he even told me that he doesn't think he'll stop making love to me for sometime...
BUT, he has no feelings for me anymore and wants to split up...

WHAT THE F@$%

Stop tourmenting me... That's all I want now. I've come to terms with him leaving me, but, he reaches for me constantly.

He gets mad at me when I start crying or get mad at him for kissing me, coming near me.... ::

okay, I'm done venting for the day. Thank you for listening.

oh and HI!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Brie:
<strong>
AND I'M STUCK!

We just moved to another state (we both were born, raised and lived our entire lives in CA) I have no friends or family here... and he won't let me leave... My husband won't let me go home to be with my friends and family (even for a weekend). He won't leave our house, because it's HIS home too, what am I to do??

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like a matter for the police! You are being held hostage. What does your family say about all this?

Sounds like he is disrespectful and emotionally abusive. See if there are any women's shelters around and seek their advice and counseling. If you tolerate this treatment, it will only get worse. Good luck and keep posting.

So, he's decided to "leave you" but won't let "you leave" and he still wants the perks of being married.

It sounds like there is something more to the story then either you or we know.

And it seems like he wants to be in control of a situation he's delegating to you.

It sounds very self centered and unfair to you.

Firebird - The family doesn't know. He's decided it would better if no one finds out about at least until after the holidays and my birthday in a few weeks.

Believer - Thank you for the suggestion of a shelter, it's not a bad idea, I'll look into it. Yes, it is a very emotionally abusive being here right now.

Eduard - I agree something else is going on that he won't tell me. I've asked, I've tried to figure it out, but, still don't know.
He keeps telling me he wants to be there for me and make this as easy on me as possible... hmmmmm. yeah. I can see that, really I can ::rolls eyes::


Thanks for listening...

<small>[ December 16, 2003, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: Brie ]</small>

Okay, Brie, this is horribly ridiculous.
Now, he’s left, correct? So you can leave the apartment as well! Go home to your friends and family. If you’re lucky only his name was on the lease. Visit a lawyer. Find out your options. Sometimes, very cold spouses will move with their husbands or wives to another state and remain there just long enough to be able to get a divorce in that state. Why? Because divorce law and settlement varies from state to state, sometimes significantly.
Go to a lawyer and make sure that your h. hasn’t pulled this trick on you. Especially if there is money involved somewhere. Even if you plan on trying to save the marriage this is information you need.
There’s a horrible possibility that you may have to file for divorce first in order to protect yourself.

Any kids?

If not, just get yourself on a bus...and leave.

Geez, next he's gonna say, "I'm bringing over my girlfriend on Monday night, can you please not be here?"

What a real bonehead.

Unless there's some really big things we don't know, like kids, I'd just write a note, and say goodbye. And leave.

Is your name on the lease? You might be responsible for 1/2 of that I guess...but you can mail a check to the landlord directly, from wherever you are, and that's got to be better than putting up with his BS!

No kids. Have you seen her post on EN? He wrote her the most cold, cruel letter of any I’ve read. He managed to go way beyond the “I love you, I’m just not in love with you.” He went for “I find you repugnant.” v

Leave!

Don't let him control you. I'll even pitch in for bus fair.

First call your family. Don't let him dictate what you can and cannot do. You need support from people that care about you.

What state did he drag you to, what will it take for you to get to your family to spend the holidays and your birthday with people that care for you.

WIWH

If I was in your situation, I would find a shelter to go to (secretly of course) and find a way to get there safely without interference from him - if my fmaily could not help me financially to get home. I would contact my mom and tell her not to tell him anything, let her in on the plan, make arrangements to get home and I would hightail it out of there. You are probably young and have no experience with men who are crazy. I am older and have plenty of experience with men who are crazy. They only get crazier, and meaner as time goes on. Good luck.